Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Waves_and_Smiles

Thanks JM, I am just grateful that they are all doing all they can. They are throwing so many treatments and machines at this disease, they are really trying to beat it.

pollyanna_26

I hope there were no phone calls last night and the hospital team are making progress now your husband is in the induced coma.
I know a number of people who use Wiltshire farm foods. They cost a little more than supermarket meals but seem to have a wide choice of well balanced meals and those I've spoken to say the delivery service is very reliable with nice unhurried people delivering .
pollyx.

pollyanna_26

dandy-candy wrote: »

Hugs and strength to WaS and WaSp.

Today has been a weird day of galloping anxiety and paranoia. I decided to go out on my own to look around the local shops because last week I barely left the house and only when accompanied. I had to pay by phone and it doesn't confirm how long you have paid for it just says "vehicle parking confirmed " so I was worried I had accidentally put in 20 mins instead of 120 mins.

I wasn't after anything in particular, it was just about getting out, so I just wondered aimlessly in and out of about a dozen shops. When it got close to leaving time I suddenly thought "What if someone thinks I'm shoplifting? What if they stop me and I miss my parking time limit and get a ticket?" And then scenarios in my head of going to court etc etc.

I drove home rather stressed and am trying to relax. It is ridiculous and I know it is ridiculous, but there's a part of my brain that won't shut up and constantly undermines me. I can't seem to squash that inner voice down and I don't know what to do about it. I don't really want to go to my therapist again as she didn't really help the last few times, and I don't want to go to a new one as I have such a huge backstory it would take about 10 sessions to get her up to speed! Are there any books that anyone has found useful in getting control of the negative thoughts?

However long the back story there will be someone you can learn to trust and engage with out there. Obviously the therapist you mention is not that person.


My dd had various therapists from the age of 13 none of which understood or were helpful , in fact some did more harm than good .
After a number of years of none our wonderful GP brought a counseler into the practice who was just completing her advanced qualification . They worked through stuff from the age of 7 not 13 as had always been thought when her struggles appeared . It took just over a year of 2 weekly appts to really turn things around . My dd has physical health problems so that was taken into account . If she was too ill or exhausted it wasn't a problem and they'd often to a quick online catch up.



Some people find books or online things helpful but they didn't work for my dd . It needed the right fit to help bring out and deal with the past. She's 34 now and it was a long wait but she has the tools in her toolbox to challenge any memories or thoughts which intrude . She can go back if needed.
polly

calleyw

Afternoon everyone,


Hugs and squishes and handshakes all round.


WaS still thinking about you and your partner.


Sadly this end, AM has broken his wrist and will require surgery!!!! So he is going to be off for weeks by the look of it. Oh fun.


I was already feeling edgy before this happened but got a call saying he has fallen and he was 1.5 miles away with the car. So had to get my dad out to take me, could have walked but no idea how long it would take for the ambulance to get there. Got home at 2am!!!!


Everyone take care




Yours


Calley x

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh no! Poor AM! Hope you get some rest today Calley and catch up on your sleep.

WaSp is going to be having daily dialysis and a daily plasma exchange for the next 10 days to try to remove the nasty ANCA cells causing the problem and to try to kick-start his kidneys, They tried waking him up and they said he "got a bit frisky" so they have decided to stick with the induced coma for now so that he doesn't pull any of the tubes out.

I am going to penguin the next bit, it talks about the worse case scenario.

It suddenly occurred to me that a ventilator is actually life support. If things go wrong I as the next of kin will be asked whether to turn it off. After all the guilt I carry about being blamed for my parents suicides this is my worst nightmare. I have no idea what it would do to my mental health or if I'd ever recover, I already carry massive amounts of guilt over causing previous deaths. Hopefully it won't come to it but if it did I think it could destroy me.

End penguin

calleyw

WaS,


Thanks, its wait and see when the surgery is. He managed to break both bones in his wrist!!!


Looks like they are doing the all they can for WaSP. I have everything crossed for both of you.


Re: The penguin: I do understand it not nice to have to think about. But not at that stage yet and fingers crossed it wont.


Take care


Yours


Calley X

pollyanna_26

WaS go back to page 545 Post10884. You'll be well aware a crash followed by new meds takes time to sort. That post was 11 days ago . It's now day 6 of WaSp being in hospital and you've been worried and concerned about him . So you have coped amazingly just a few days after needing the new med .


I'm not going to suggest some random distraction method after reading your penguin but you and we know those thoughts are from the past and none of those things that were planted in your brain back then were valid . They are working so hard to bring WaSp back home and you would never harm him in any way.
pollyx


calley I hope AM is soon sorted and you manage some rest .

dandy-candy

Calleyw - I hope they get AM patched up and mended quickly. Has he got some baggy jumpers and tracksuit bottoms he can get in and out of one handed? Buttons and zips will be difficult.

WaS - you are doing brilliantly, don’t let your mind “go there” on worst case scenario (easier said than done I know). The doctors are doing their very best so hopefully all will go well (hugs)

dandy-candy

Pollyanna- I’m glad that you daughter got the help she needed in the end. I think you are right and at some point I will need to go through it all again with a new therapist. Just the thought of it is exhausting though!

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much for the support as always. Yes, I am still getting dizzy spells from the new med which is perfectly normal but not the best timing. With everything going on I tend to forget that I had crashed prior to this.

I am trying not to 'go there' in my thoughts. Once they can stabilise the vasculitis I will feel better, I think the waiting for days on end for that to happen is the worst right now. It could take a full 10 days for them to do so, I need to attempt to relax.

I have mopped the floors and cleaned the bath, I am now going to wash the windows. I think I have the cleanest house in Wales at this point!