Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

calleyw

Stoke wrote: »

I think they know something is up with me, so I suspect they'll start to lay off if I tell them. Can I bring myself to tell them though. It's hard to face up to this stuff.

I know I am such a coward at that sort of stuff as well.


Could you talk to the one who is doing it the most and ask them to stop. And then it should filter down to the rest.


Maybe text or pm on fb to them if you can't face talking to them directly.


Yours


Calley x

dekaspace

Pyxis wrote: »

Look Deka, several people have suggested things to you about this relative, most of which are variations on the 'cut him off', 'don't speak to him', 'don't answer the phone' scenarios.

Why do you persist in speaking to him?
Of course it is extremely annoying for you to have to deal with him, so why do you persist in doing so?

I ignore the phone all day, having him ring dozens of times on my landline and mobile, constant texts, after a day or two of that I answer and tell him no and get sob stories.


Even blocking his number does little as he hides it, and I can't block hidden numbers as thats what my job interviews come from

Pyxis

dekaspace wrote: »

I ignore the phone all day, having him ring dozens of times on my landline and mobile, constant texts, after a day or two of that I answer and tell him no and get sob stories.


Even blocking his number does little as he hides it, and I can't block hidden numbers as thats what my job interviews come from

Please stop doing that.

As long as you keep answering, even after a couple of days of ignoring him, he will keep phoning.

Yes, it is annoying for the phones to keep ringing, but as long as he knows you will give in and answer, he will keep phoning.

How difficult would it be for you to change your phone numbers? If you won't stop answering the phone to him, that seems to be your only course of action.
It will be a hassle informing people, especially for work, but in the long term it will do the trick.

Changing numbers due to harassment is free the first time, I understand.

Your phone provider might be able to help too, especially with his withheld numbers.

So please, Deka, please, please stop answering the phone to him, and if you inadvertently do, hang up straight away, without speaking to him or giving him a chance to say anything.

If you don't do either of those things, the harassment will continue, and continue, and continue........

Stoke

Sunny_Intervals wrote: »

I agree with Pyxis. I heard something a few years ago (probably a Dr Phil thing) that has stuck with me: we teach people how to treat us. Essentially, you've taught him that if he bombards you for two days then you will answer, so he continues to bombard you for two days because you've taught him that that's how to get a response from you.


What you're describing is blatantly harrassment and the ongoing financial exploitation of a vulnerable person. If a stranger was doing that to you, you wouldn't accept it, so why accept it from a family member? I think you need to cut him off properly, even if that causes a temporary disruption to your job-seeking.

I wonder if this applies to me as well. Previously, I had no problems with this kind of banter. It's only now that my mental health has fallen to pieces that I'm struggling?

AylesburyDuck

Sorry for butting in,
Is their any possibility of you changing your number Stoke, making it X directory and only giving it out to people who really need it?
That would stop him in his tracks.

onomatopoeia99

Stoke wrote: »

I wonder if this applies to me as well. Previously, I had no problems with this kind of banter. It's only now that my mental health has fallen to pieces that I'm struggling?

We change, or events change us. Those that know us don't always realize that we've changed, and even if they do, may not realize that we need them to treat us differently unless we tell them.

Comes down to communication, as so many things do. Not that I'm brilliant at it either,

mellymoo74

Something a wise person once said is that we can't change other people only our reactions.
So you know they're going to do this so either you consider it payment or cut them off
If you keep doing the same thing your going to get the same result

Lambyr

dekaspace wrote: »

I ignore the phone all day, having him ring dozens of times on my landline and mobile, constant texts, after a day or two of that I answer and tell him no and get sob stories.


Even blocking his number does little as he hides it, and I can't block hidden numbers as thats what my job interviews come from

Is it possible to change your number? Or get hold of a second phone to use for your job interviews?


If I wanted someone to stop pestering me, and I didn't want to scream at them then I would:


Get a second phone. You can pick them up dirt cheap. Heck, check Amazon warehouse sales. They've probably got all sorts for a pittance. You can get a PAYG SIM from GiffGaff delivered free.


On the landline, I'd get CallGuard or similar. BT offer it for free if you're with them. It means that anybody calling has to state who they are, unless you have already approved them. People who are generally being annoyances tend not to do so.


And even if he does, you don't answer it. Just like you don't answer any other call from him, or one which you don't recognise.


Yes, it'll be frustrating for a while but it's some inconvenience now for some freedom later. If you keep entertaining this person, they won't stop. He's a grifter, and you're a mark - that's all he sees, and a mark who says 'no' is just a challenge, nothing else.


For your own sake, it's time to take a stand.

onomatopoeia99

Lambyr! helloo! :wave: Hope you're well.

dekaspace

I think im anemic im confused as blood results said low falics or something and was prescribed folic acid which is used to treat it, and I have all the symptoms of anemia.


Just confused.