Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

Like others have said, you can only talk to them and tell them how you're feeling and how it is affecting you, and ask them to stop dragging up the past.

If they persist in doing so, then they are not real 'friends' at all.
If you have to keep asking them not to bring things up, then your only option may have to be to cut ties.

It really isn't the sign of good friendship to keep on talking about things in a friend's past that they have been asked not to mention. That is selfish and inconsiderate of them.

I don't have any other friends though. I drop them and I'm isolated.

Pyxis

Stoke wrote: »

I don't have any other friends though. I drop them and I'm isolated.

Are bad friends better than no friends?



Would you be interested in joining a community choir? You really don't have to have a good voice, I promise you.
It is a great way of making new friends, doing a common activity and having a lot of fun.

dekaspace

Got a call earlier saying shes/hes desperate, I said no but he said he promised her and they will take her possessions if she doesn't pay.


Now put it this way, I heard the wages in her country are like 1/20 of what we get, even if it was 1/4 it doesn't cost £20 for a weeks supply of tablets, and she has a lot of "emergencies" when shes rushed to hospital, if her health really wasn't that bad why doesn't she work? he says she can't work due to her health.

Pyxis

dekaspace wrote: »

Got a call earlier saying shes/hes desperate, I said no but he said he promised her and they will take her possessions if she doesn't pay.


Now put it this way, I heard the wages in her country are like 1/20 of what we get, even if it was 1/4 it doesn't cost £20 for a weeks supply of tablets, and she has a lot of "emergencies" when shes rushed to hospital, if her health really wasn't that bad why doesn't she work? he says she can't work due to her health.

Look Deka, several people have suggested things to you about this relative, most of which are variations on the 'cut him off', 'don't speak to him', 'don't answer the phone' scenarios.

Why do you persist in speaking to him?
Of course it is extremely annoying for you to have to deal with him, so why do you persist in doing so?

Stoke

Pyxis wrote: »

Are bad friends better than no friends?



Would you be interested in joining a community choir? You really don't have to have a good voice, I promise you.
It is a great way of making new friends, doing a common activity and having a lot of fun.

I'll be honest, that doesn't sound like me, however my dad has suggested I join a running club. He said he met a lot of new people when he did that. I quite like the idea as well as I've started doing it a lot more recently.

calleyw

afternoon my lovelies,


hope everyone is ok. i agree with pyxis, its better to have no friends than toxic friends. and that includes family members.


i sorta dated a bloke and thought we where friends. not really i found out he did not want a relationship with me, as i did not have a sense of humor according to him. turns out he thought it was funny to bait people and generally be a git. so i ignored his texts and got on with my life.


toxic friends and family, that upset, hurt or use you are not worth knowing at all. i have cut out my older brother because of that.



its not easy to make friends as you get older. i have one very close friend who lives miles away. she knows who she is. i also have other friends who are lovely and like to include me and AM in stuff. even if we dont live in the same village as them. i have only known them for the last year and bit. and they are happy to dog sit and even you let you kip on there sofa if needed.


i know i come across as being a bit aloof but thats the shyness and anxiety. but i know that they have told AM i am fab and great. still dont believe them but thats another story :rotfl:


everyone take care



yours


Calley x

Stoke

calleyw wrote: »

afternoon my lovelies,


hope everyone is ok. i agree with pyxis, its better to have no friends than toxic friends. and that includes family members.


i sorta dated a bloke and thought we where friends. not really i found out he did not want a relationship with me, as i did not have a sense of humor according to him. turns out he thought it was funny to bait people and generally be a git. so i ignored his texts and got on with my life.


toxic friends and family, that upset, hurt or use you are not worth knowing at all. i have cut out my older brother because of that.



its not easy to make friends as you get older. i have one very close friend who lives miles away. she knows who she is. i also have other friends who are lovely and like to include me and AM in stuff. even if we dont live in the same village as them. i have only known them for the last year and bit. and they are happy to dog sit and even you let you kip on there sofa if needed.


i know i come across as being a bit aloof but thats the shyness and anxiety. but i know that they have told AM i am fab and great. still dont believe them but thats another story :rotfl:


everyone take care



yours


Calley x

I don't believe they set out to hurt me. I think I'm just sensitive at the moment. I've never been like this before though. I'm very cognisant of the fact this is a recent thing (last 12-14 months)

calleyw

Stoke wrote: »

I don't believe they set out to hurt me. I think I'm just sensitive at the moment. I've never been like this before though. I'm very cognisant of the fact this is a recent thing (last 12-14 months)

they might not be. but it is upsetting and causing you pain. you have 3 options. 1)keep quiet and be upset 2) call them out on it and tell them you are no longer happy for certain events to be recounted as it causes you distress 3) no longer keep them as friends.


real friends will understand. if they don't are they worth keeping around?


only you can make the choice



yours


calley x

Pyxis

Stoke wrote: »

I'll be honest, that doesn't sound like me, however my dad has suggested I join a running club. He said he met a lot of new people when he did that. I quite like the idea as well as I've started doing it a lot more recently.

That sounds great! Something you enjoy doing, something that you can do on your own OR with a group, and a club sounds fun.

Stoke

calleyw wrote: »

they might not be. but it is upsetting and causing you pain. you have 3 options. 1)keep quiet and be upset 2) call them out on it and tell them you are no longer happy for certain events to be recounted as it causes you distress 3) no longer keep them as friends.


real friends will understand. if they don't are they worth keeping around?


only you can make the choice



yours


calley x

I think they know something is up with me, so I suspect they'll start to lay off if I tell them. Can I bring myself to tell them though. It's hard to face up to this stuff.

Pyxis wrote: »

That sounds great! Something you enjoy doing, something that you can do on your own OR with a group, and a club sounds fun.

One of the reasons I've grown to enjoy running lately (aside from it's awesome weight loss benefits) is that I find it is a very good way to release some of the constant turmoil that seems to be in my head these days. Honestly, I sometimes wonder what is going on up there at the moment. Maybe I need to map out my head on paper.