Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

dekaspace

calleyw wrote: »

Pyxis,

Have read other threads by dekaspace? If you have you will know it will run for pages and pages. They get good advice and ignore it all as they know best.

dekaspace has been told how to deal with this situation. SDW is correct. You block and ignore or carry on. They have options and choose to engage.

I have had to block the bloke who messed my head up as he started to message me. It was only message every couple of months. I don't need or want it and I hope that my silence gives him my answer.

Yours

Calley x

Thats quite a upsetting answer, I tried in past explaining my way of dealing with things is to listen and try and do best I can, such as someone saying "try X" and I will say "already tried" and get told im not following advice and I know best, the point was if I was told to do something I had done multiple times and got nowhere if I stated that I was talked down to as not following advice/not helping myself and if anything I think I am strong for making as much effort as I have in recent years, like attempting to get social work support, going back to gym, going back to education, doing volunteer work, and I haven't turned to drink or drugs like others I know have I have said in past I only talk up when I am getting feelings out so it comes across as not taking advice or being negative but thats the problem as I only ask for help when I am the worst place rather than when I am in a good place, and the few times I have tried being postive when starting a thread people have brought up previous threads as a negative, sure I have other problems such as autism that means either I try and make a joke and its taken the wrong way and im shamed for it, or I say something innocent and im shamed for it as the wrong context is taken from it either way its treated as if I am the one with the problem, either way I think I am strong/good for ignoring the relative as much as I do rather than folding.

Anyway no I hate the relative contacting me to the point now especially pre me starting medication I was stressing every time my phone went in case it was him begging, I never want to speak or see this relative ever again and if I do I want to punch them, they have set my mental health back years as when I gradually started recovering a few years ago thats when the requests started, I only went along with it at first as I thought if I cut all ties I would never get any cash back at all, now theres no doubt I will I don't want anything to do with them.

I don't want to change my number as had it near 10 years, I have ignored the relative for days now, and have ignored them today whats upsetting is rather than focus on that and that I am making an effort people focus on that I spoke to them twice, I was venting to them, just as I am venting here so rather than let it get to me I told them how I feel and then ignore them

I don't want to change my number also as that would feel like giving up to me, and I know they will easily find my new number as they got it last time from a relative I got on with.

As far as I am concerned now I sent that text yesterday thats the end of it, and I was just venting here to get it out of my system.

I don't talk about other things in my life as I cope with it even if its upsetting like a few days ago it was 2 years since my grandfather died, and a few days later was 8 years since my gran died, its sad to think about but unlike with the greedy relative it doesn't overwhelm me so I don't talk about it. I am also having social work problems now but I have accepted theres nothing much that can be done about it, and Im fragile as on top of the relatives harassment I had junkies thump my window on Monday night for a long time then smash in back window to block at 3am to get access, and a few weeks ago have a benefits issue meaning I am paid less till its sorted, added on top of the medication knocking me out Im not in a good place right now, but I don't speak about it as I don't know what to say, the relative thing stresses me most in some ways for multiple reasons as they know im on medication now, my benefits are lower, I had junkies break into building and they ignore it and beg because they think their own personal life is more important and I have no one in real life to speak to about it.

System

I cut my dad out of my life 11 years ago, i changed my phone number, told my mum not to tell anyone my new address and i haven't heard from him or seen him since. It was a toxic relationship and i needed to get away from it. It wasn't easy as i've essentially also cut off half of my family too (and didnt even go to my grandparemts funerals) but i had to do it for my own sanity.

- - -

I'm currently still stressing over universal credit. I can;t escape it. Everyday i read more and worry more, i toold Swain and his response was "i know you're worried but that isnt something we need to worry about now, it might not even happen" and he's right but i can;t stop panicking. I'm convinced i'm going to be forced to work full time,i read something today about a mentally ill woman who had to wait fir her limted capability assessment and for the 8 weeks she was waiting she was treated to full conditionality with no adjustments, i can see that happening to me. I already have brown envelope anxiety (those who've dealt with the DWP will know what i mean by that ) and im constantly fearing getting up and seeing if theres post from them. I have tried working full time, the ofrst time i had a breakdown and suicide attempt and it took me 3 1/2 years to recover and in tried it for the first year at my current job and again i felt overhwelmed and suicidal, occ health themselves say i cannot work full time. I know i shouldn;t be stressing but i can;t stop thinking about it, i'm terrified and this is before its even been rolled out !!!! knows how im going to cope if/when it is. Sorry for the rant

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I cut my dad out of my life 11 years ago, i changed my phone number, told my mum not to tell anyone my new address and i haven't heard from him or seen him since. It was a toxic relationship and i needed to get away from it. It wasn't easy as i've essentially also cut off half of my family too (and didnt even go to my grandparemts funerals) but i had to do it for my own sanity.

- - -

I'm currently still stressing over universal credit. I can;t escape it. Everyday i read more and worry more, i toold Swain and his response was "i know you're worried but that isnt something we need to worry about now, it might not even happen" and he's right but i can;t stop panicking. I'm convinced i'm going to be forced to work full time,i read something today about a mentally ill woman who had to wait fir her limted capability assessment and for the 8 weeks she was waiting she was treated to full conditionality with no adjustments, i can see that happening to me. I already have brown envelope anxiety (those who've dealt with the DWP will know what i mean by that ) and im constantly fearing getting up and seeing if theres post from them. I have tried working full time, the ofrst time i had a breakdown and suicide attempt and it took me 3 1/2 years to recover and in tried it for the first year at my current job and again i felt overhwelmed and suicidal, occ health themselves say i cannot work full time. I know i shouldn;t be stressing but i can;t stop thinking about it, i'm terrified and this is before its even been rolled out !!!! knows how im going to cope if/when it is. Sorry for the rant

MessedUp, I know you can't stop worrying about UC. I would be exactly the same.:(

In the meantime, though, you are doing sterling work about reducing your debts. While I doubt that you would be made to work full-time, concentrate on reducing your debts as much as possible. Not only will that have a positive effect on your well-being, but it would reduce any impact that a worst-case scenario might have.

Every time you reduce a bit more of your debt, you can give yourself a pat on the back!
You're doing so well.....you changed your place of work for the better and you're reducing your debts....so the brown envelopes can go and take a running jump!
However, brown envelopes can bring good news too!

mellymoo74

MU I get it, OH had his PIP assessment a few weeks ago so I'm waiting for the not getting nuffink letter and the tribunal thing.

I have news
I have a job, I am very very very worried about it because of the level of care OH needs and my small relapse.
I don't know whether it will help my mental health or break me.

ETA - MU remember that we only hear the horror stories, they are not the majority even though it feels like it xxxx

Izadora

Melly - huge congratulations on the job but please try not to push yourself too hard. Hopefully it will help you but please give it up if it's too much.

MU - I know that you can't not worry about it but, as Melly said, all you're hearing are the bad stories. A friend of mine who works for the DWP said that, while it is a complete and utter mess in a lot of respects, there are also people who it's been really good for.

Calley - Try to take care of yourself and remember that people who are only trying to mess with your head aren't worth listening to. Don't let the brainweasels listen to them either.

Massive hugs to all who need them.

mellymoo74

Thanks sunny and Izzy

PIP is partially why I'm doing it preparing for the worse.

Calley - see!!
Xxxx

calleyw

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Calley - see!!
Xxxx

I know Mel, But I wanted to be with him and the pain of the rejection is still there.


Its silly as AM adores the very ground I walk on. And thinks I am amazing. But that bit of me still thinks I am unworthy. My own parents don't seem to care which helps feed the unworthy feelings. I always have to phone them. Only phone me when they need to tell me something not to see how I am.



Mind you getting wound up about talking to my mum as I bought my mum afternoon tea for two at a local posh hotel for xmas last year. Cost £50 and it runs out out in about 7 weeks time. And I don't think she has used it yet. Me and AM will be mighty annoyed and wont be spending that sort of money on her again.


Yours


Calley x

onomatopoeia99

Congrats on the job Melly and hope it all goes well for when you start.

heartbreak_star

Calley - is she "saving it for a special occasion"? My mum does things like that. Like...I buy her nice jewellery and she "saves it for best". Last year she complained her hands were getting chapped while walking the dogs so I bought her some posh handcream and a nice pair of leather gloves to protect her hands...and she doesn't wear them "in case they get mucky".

Part of it is that oddly she seems to have it ingrained that "nice things aren't for the likes of us", but part of it is just her It drives me mad!

(Or has she forgotten about it? That's the kind of thing I would do hahaha!)

HBS x

annandale

Uc will be rolled out everywhere by 2022 I think, everyone on WTC will be migrated over, but as I said before, if you are placed into another category other than the all work then you will not be pressured to work full time. The only other thing I could suggest and I dont know your plans going forward, but if you moved in with your bf and his wages and your wages covered the rent of a property you rented, you would not need to claim UC at all, if your joint income met all your rent and bills.

Most people are trapped on UC because you cannot work part time and claim HB if you live in an area where UC is full rolled out, you must claim UC for housing element

But if you dont need housing element you will not need to claim. It would just mean you living off his wages and your wages, as long as that covers all your rent and bills you dont have to claim it.

Its not compulsory, that is what I am trying to say, you can terminate a UC claim at any time if you have enough money to live on

And I know that might mean being 50 quid a week or so down on your WTC money if thats what you get just now, but if it takes the stress and worry off you then that might be better.

Also just a reminder, even if you are in the all work category and lets say you have a job thats 20 hours a week part time, they cant actually do anything to you if you cant find full time work

I have been on it almost 2 years no and all I have been able to get is zero hours and part time. But all they ask you to do is evidence that you are looking and turn up to see your work coach. That is the main thing. They will not stop your money as long as you look for work and turn up to appointments

I have never been forced into an interview by them, in fact for me, I wish they would do more to help me (and I am pro active in trying to find work), keeping your journal and going to your appointments are the main thing

You are more likely to be sanctioned for being ten mins late to an appointment (not trying to frighten anyone, this is reality) than you are to be forced into getting a 35 hour a week job if you are working 16 if there isnt much other work around.

I live in an area of high unemployment and jobs are scarce here, you see that every time you go to the job centre, its packed

And you also need to get as much evidence together from medical professionals who you engage with that working full time would have a negative impact on your MH

Try not to worry, its easier said than done, but as long as you are looking (even if you dont get anything), they wont stop your money.