Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

calleyw

20aday wrote: »

Things like 'think positive' etc, I feel, sometimes does more harm than good-but that's just my personal opinion.

Some of your post resonated with me greatly; I went through something traumatic nearly 15 years ago and today marks a year since I first reported it to the Police. I've thrown myself into work for years now and I've recently made the switch from nights to days because I felt it might've helped me deal with things; as several people have told me I need to stop thinking about my thing but that's easier said than done as I'm sure you know yourself (as well as others who're reading/posting here).

How wrong could I be... there are a couple of things that have taken me back to 2003 around the time of my trauma and I also had a brief flashback the other night to the night in question... for the first time ever I nearly threw up over it .

So I know how you feel, even if our circumstances are very different although we're of similar ages.

20aday,


Sorry to hear you are going through this. Smells, sights and sounds can transport you back to the trauma.


Its easy to say don't think about it. But when you are alone with your thoughts its all so easy to let that thought invade your whole being.


Blocking it out can be as bad as re living that moment time and time again. For some there will never be any respite from it and others can move on and leave it behind. If you can come to some sort of peace about the trauma it may help you move on. It does not mean you forgive what happened.



Have you spoken to your gp about any services you can access such as counseling or courses you can take to help.


Hugs, squishes or handshakes what ever makes you feel comfortable.


Take care


Yours


Calley x

POPPYOSCAR

Apologies if this is posted in the wrong place.

Just need to get this out.

My younger brother died a couple weeks ago and even though I was with him at the end and we had his funeral last week I still cannot accept it. I saw him come into the world and did not expect to see him go out of it.

I feel like I am detached from life and looking in on someones else's life.

My niece and nephew died both in their 30's, 4 years ago. Not the same I know ,but also lost both our dogs in that time, the last being earlier this year at the age of 17.

So much loss and it is hard to accept. I am sitting here crying and do not know what do do.

Torry_Quine

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Apologies if this is posted in the wrong place.

Just need to get this out.

My younger brother died a couple weeks ago and even though I was with him at the end and we had his funeral last week I still cannot accept it. I saw him come into the world and did not expect to see him go out of it.

I feel like I am detached from life and looking in on someones else's life.

My niece and nephew died both in their 30's, 4 years ago. Not the same I know ,but also lost both our dogs in that time, the last being earlier this year at the age of 17.

So much loss and it is hard to accept. I am sitting here crying and do not know what do do.

It's exactly the right place to post.

It's very early for you since you lost your brother on top of the other losses. I still don't accept my husband isn't coming back, he died in January. Feeling as if its happening to someone else is not uncommon.

Take care.

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's exactly the right place to post.

It's very early for you since you lost your brother on top of the other losses. I still don't accept my husband isn't coming back, he died in January. Feeling as if its happening to someone else is not uncommon.

Take care.

Thank you Torry.

I remember you posting when he died and January is not that long ago.

I hope you are ok.

Torry_Quine

Still struggling on. It feels like nothing will ever make sense again and I can't live without him.

Every day I cry and spend lots of time alone.

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Still struggling on. It feels like nothing will ever make sense again and I can't live without him.

Every day I cry and spend lots of time alone.

I am sorry to hear that but totally understandable.

When my nephew died my sister kept saying she just wanted to go and be with him. Thankfully she has stopped saying that.

It is heartbreaking.

Pyxis

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Still struggling on. It feels like nothing will ever make sense again and I can't live without him.

Every day I cry and spend lots of time alone.

Is spending the time alone your choice, Torry, or is it circumstances?
I ask because spending a little time each day with other people would be beneficial, even if only for an hour, and even if just with strangers, i.e. in shops, exchanging a few words with the shop assistants or someone else in the queue.
You will feel horrible at first.

Are your friends still in touch?
So many friends say "Call me if you need anything", whereas really, they should call you and suggest things, or just take the initiative.

System

I've asked to be reffered to a healthy living trainer, they can help with weight loss and mental health (and in my case both are very much linked)

I think i'm moving shop next week, little bit frustrated as i dont have a definete start date and i haven;t heard much about it. I just want to know for sure so i can mentally prepare myself as the nerves are setting in now.

Mood is a bit up as i'm in money saving mode and spurred on by something Swain said (long story short i savedup £500 in a month for his birthday and he made a comment along the lines of "oh but that was only cos i loaned you money) which annoyed me as i worked my !!! off to save that money and i feel i need to prove a point by paying off my debt a lot sooner than he expects to prove that actually i can save money. I figure if i can live on £80 a week i can have him fully paid back before the end of the year

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I've asked to be reffered to a healthy living trainer, they can help with weight loss and mental health (and in my case both are very much linked)

I think i'm moving shop next week, little bit frustrated as i dont have a definete start date and i haven;t heard much about it. I just want to know for sure so i can mentally prepare myself as the nerves are setting in now.

Mood is a bit up as i'm in money saving mode and spurred on by something Swain said (long story short i savedup £500 in a month for his birthday and he made a comment along the lines of "oh but that was only cos i loaned you money) which annoyed me as i worked my !!! off to save that money and i feel i need to prove a point by paying off my debt a lot sooner than he expects to prove that actually i can save money. I figure if i can live on £80 a week i can have him fully paid back before the end of the year

:T:T Yey! Go, MessedUp! :T

dekaspace

20aday wrote: »

Things like 'think positive' etc, I feel, sometimes does more harm than good-but that's just my personal opinion.

Some of your post resonated with me greatly; I went through something traumatic nearly 15 years ago and today marks a year since I first reported it to the Police. I've thrown myself into work for years now and I've recently made the switch from nights to days because I felt it might've helped me deal with things; as several people have told me I need to stop thinking about my thing but that's easier said than done as I'm sure you know yourself (as well as others who're reading/posting here).

How wrong could I be... there are a couple of things that have taken me back to 2003 around the time of my trauma and I also had a brief flashback the other night to the night in question... for the first time ever I nearly threw up over it .

So I know how you feel, even if our circumstances are very different although we're of similar ages.

Apologies but I will expand on my experiences think thats what you call a penguin.

For me the fallout was severe, fingers were pointed by the public at my family who were innocent, family members were attacked, lifelong friends believed the rumours added with the fact around same time I got with my first partner who was emotionally manipulative (when I started for over a week living of one or two slices of bread a day she was eating multiple takeaways in front of me and whinging as a woman its not for her to share, im a man and should pay for her) this was in the middle of the traumatic event of which she knew about and just thought about herself, shes 35 now and never left home as her parents still spoil her and shes never worked a day in her life, it just made me retread into shell more oh and she would tell me to my face she was meeting guys from online and telling them either she was single or I was abusive to her as she liked the attention she even slapped me on multiple occasions and punched me twice, and her being a very large woman and me skinny at time they had some force.

When we broke up she was trying to manipulate me saying I only wanted her for one thing, how cruel I was and tried contacting our shared freinds telling them I was cheating on her! At least it backfired though as they knew I wasn't like that, oh to put her personality in question I sent around 100 messages a day to her, not even a joke she was controlling I got 300 texts top up once and it was gone in 2 days! one weekend was 500 messages! She would message me at all hours asking what I was doing and if I didn't respond within 1 minute she would tell me I was cruel and manipulative, she was spoiled by her own mother who refused to let her stay out past 7pm and used to ring me and give me abusive messages saying I was corrupting her darling daughter, I was scum, calling me a rapist, even to my face she was just as bad saying if she wasn't home by that time she would call police and claim I kidnapped her and was the same word as above which I don't like to repeat.

That was all I needed around time of my trauma, then moved away for college ended up with schizophrenic flatmate who got sectioned but already trashed property making my own mental health skydive, illegally evicted due to that same tenant, moved and had a flatmate who was a no joke Nigerian scammer who made sexual comments to the female tenants, was arrested once for his comments on women in public, racked up a £500 phone bill in my name, racked up about £800 in utility bills (as in he didn't pay his share but put the thermostat in his room to 35 degrees AND put on a 2kw heater on top of that) And made the "poor African" stereotype as an excuse found out he wasn't attending university which was what his Visa was for and instead he was visiting "relatives" and getting loads of hospital treatment.

Other flatmate lets just say liked to "party" with her boyfriend which kept the whole house awake till past 4am, or had her surround sound speakers on all night as she slept through it leaving a dvd menu on.

Moved again, this time to a ex hotel which had like 50 rooms and the person in room on one side was again schizophrenic (his own admission) had conversations with himself where he smashed his chair, punched walls, threw things at window cracking it, on other side which set him off worse was a guy who made 20+ spare keys and gave them out to people on his course whilst he slept at his girlfriends so it became 24/7 party house when I say 24/7 I mean it! I was lucky to get 1 hours sleep a day, and that was the point my mental health reached the point where I have never been same since and that was 9 years ago! the lack of sleep affected my sleep pattern, even if I got a full nights sleep I wasn't refreshed, I gained a lot of weight due to eating take out as I had no energy to cook which made me feel ugly and getting mocking comments in the street, the debt from 2 years at university at that point worried me and I felt a failure as dropped out due to the anxieties

But then I moved in next to a drug dealer, had £7000 stolen from me (my student loan, overdraft, savings) credit cards opened in my name, giro stolen, junkies relieving themselves on my doorstep, flat that was falling to pieces (shoddy repair work by LL) the benefits went down so I was locked in and was getting rude messages from LL.

Moved again and my neighbour was an alcoholic who only got like 3 hours sleep a night and drank 2x 3 litre bottles of cider a day and in a property with walls so thin you could hear, burps, farts, sneezing so imagine that and he had quite a few 12 hour+ parties

The "postiive" at that time was I was assessed by social work and got my Autism assessment and was decided I need care workers around 21 hours per week, except they never bothered turning up, in 4 months had 20 minutes, not 20 minutes a day 20 minutes in 4 MONTHS! combined. I regularly saw the staff turn up a hour late, sit in their expensive sports car eating lunch, making phone calls then turn up at mine over a hour later telling me sorry they were late there was an emergency but they have to go as theres a meeting (so a 3 hour session had 5 minutes where they told me they couldn't help me as had to go)

Imagine all this affecting me, its no wonder I never got better but the problem is now I beg for help but told cutbacks or their own words they can tell I need help but I am seen as "coping" as I can use a microwave, washing machine, order food/take away online, have a shower get out of bed.

I need more than words but I don't need to be treated like a child even if meant in a nice way as it feels patronising, neither do I like being expected to just go ahead with life and just try hard as I need comfort.

Will add I forgot to also mention I have been the victim of sexual assault a few times, and grew up being told I would amount to nothing as came from a council estate, beaten up to point of broken bones by bullies, have junkies break down my door and threaten me with a knife when I was 20 to give them everything.

And madly enough it was the traumatic event which feels the worst because after years of my life being bad I finally got a good job, first girlfriend, started gaining confidence which made me attractive to the opposite gender, started going to the gym, taking pride in my appearance and had no joke the best nights sleep I have ever had in my life my dreams were happy and I could jump out of bed when I woke.

Now even if I can get out of bed I feel like I haven't slept all night.