Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

Torry_Quine wrote: »

jm thanks so much for your wise words. I go between wanting him to be happy in heaven to wanting him to know how much I miss him. My grief is all I have.

Even adverts for new series we watched together have me in floods of tears.

I've been wearing one of his t-shirts to bed and put one on my cuddly cat.

I can't begin to imagine getting rid of any of his things.

I don't even tidy up, there's no one here to care

I watch Wimbledon but without much enthusiasm either.

It's just awful and I want to go to sleep and wake up and find it was all a mistake

And neither should you. No need to.:A

dekaspace

Hoping to not stir up any negative feelings for other posters but regarding people missing loved ones, Im honestly asking is it better to have loved and lost then never loved at all?


I ask as I am lonely having never been a real relationship, sure had a few partners but they have been short term and more of companions with benefits.


Part of the reason for my negative thinking is my lonliness, I have no one to feel good with, sure I can speak to parents but I want someone whom I can personally have to turn to when im unhappy, work it out together and trust and do the same for them.


So is it better to have loved than never loved?

Pyxis

dekaspace wrote: »

Hoping to not stir up any negative feelings for other posters but regarding people missing loved ones, Im honestly asking is it better to have loved and lost then never loved at all?


I ask as I am lonely having never been a real relationship, sure had a few partners but they have been short term and more of companions with benefits.


Part of the reason for my negative thinking is my lonliness, I have no one to feel good with, sure I can speak to parents but I want someone whom I can personally have to turn to when im unhappy, work it out together and trust and do the same for them.


So is it better to have loved than never loved?

My personal feeling on the subject is that it's relatively rare to find a true and lasting soul-mate, and that people who do are truly, truly blessed.

However, that does also mean that when that soul-mate dies, the loss is intense to an almost unbearable degree.

In the fullness of time, though, that intense feeling of loss can mellow to a recognition that one's time with the soul-mate was, indeed, a blessed time, and the knowledge that one has been truly, truly loved at least once in one's life would, hopefully, be a real comfort.

I have never had a soul-mate, so I'm not able to compare the two experiences and decide which was the better. I would imagine that to have been blessed with having had a soul-mate is the better option, but I don't really know.

marmiterulesok

Is it ok to post here?
I'm really struggling with depression rn,feeling really lost,empty and raw.Going through a change of medication too so got to ride that out.I just need somewhere to vent.
Thank you.

Torry_Quine

dekaspace - I don't know but have wondered myself about this. I hope in time to be able to appreciate and find comfort but my pain is too raw.

Crying again

Pyxis

marmiterulesok wrote: »

Is it ok to post here?
I'm really struggling with depression rn,feeling really lost,empty and raw.Going through a change of medication too so got to ride that out.I just need somewhere to vent.
Thank you.

Hello, Marmite.

Of course it's all right to post here.

Please vent away!
:A

mellymoo74

(((((torry)))))

Torry_Quine

I haven't been able to watch the world cup as he should be here enjoying it. I'm going to try and watch the final for him, supporting France as we had a holiday in Paris a while back.

Haven't bothered getting dressed today what's the point?

Still crying every day

mellymoo74

Torry I can't speak as my personal hygiene has been lacking lately I'm too tired but after the match have a shower and out clean pjs on getting dressed less important.
You need to take care of yourself. I am being a hypocrite because I am poor at it.

I wish I could numb it for you but it's testament to how deeply you loved

dandy-candy

Torry I would fully expect you to cry everyday still. I cried everyday without fail, sometimes several times a day, after my mum died. In fact I couldn't even think about her without crying for FIVE YEARS. That is no exaggeration. My DH had told me it took him 6 months to get over grieving him mum and also his best friend dying, I kept thinking what is wrong with me? Why am I such a freak? But it's really down to how close you were to that person.

About a week after she died DH caught me absolutely awash with tears and bawling while trying to hang the washing in the garden and I kept saying "I want her back" over and over. He said "I know but you can't have her back" I almost hated him for that, I sort of thought somehow something had to bring her back, I said "But I need her still" and he just said "But there would never have been a right time for her to go" and it was true. When someone is that big a part of your life there is not "right" time and it utterly sucks.
Saw her favourite choccie bar in a shop? Tears.
New costume drama starting (we always watched them together)? Tears.
Kids started University and she wasn't there to see it? Tears.
Crying, hating, moping didn't change a flipping thing and I was so angry that the world just carried on around me like she was never there.
But slowly I got through a few days without crying, then a week. If I looked at photos tears would come so I stopped looking at photos. It was really gradual but you just get there eventually. I can actually think about her and smile now, and say stuff like "mum would have loved that" without choking up. And I like to think of her maybe checking in on me now and again, she was such a happy person I know 100% she would hate to watch me cry.