Accident at nursery

jaydeeuk1

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Yes she is. She's only one and is small for her age, crawls all over the place and cruises but lacks the confidence to let go of her support and walk independently at this stage. Thats why the story about the accident peddled out by the nursery to my sister seems so implausible.

I've checked her physically and put her to bed myself so my mind's at rest now (probably more importantly, so is that of her parents - and grandparents, who were stressing from a distance). I'd still like to get to the bottom of this though.

I know its good for her to interact with other children and the wider benefits of nursery care but the truth is I dislike her being there from early to late. She was put in a new environment with lots of toys and different children at the weekend and didn't react well, which makes me wonder how she is managing when left at nursery. I'm also more than a bit concerned that she's lost some weight, which I put down to her not eating at nursery rather than a growth spurt. I could find a hundred minor faults with then nursery, from how well they clean her face to the slovenly way they tie her nappies. Its not for me to lay a guilt trip on my sister, but to be honest I'd rather just quit work and look after her during the day, until she goes to school. I can be flexible with my hours - the NHS runs 24/7 after all - but my sister can't.

Yes kids are tougher than they look, and I realise I'll probably never be happy with the care a nursery gives, but I am so very attached to her...

Actually i pretty much agree with you. A lot of these day nurseries (not the proper pre schools who have a fully qualified teacher running the show) are treated like glorified child minders where parents drop kids off as soon as they can and then they get picked up, often by someone who isnt their parent, late afternoon/evening. When wife was a primary school teacher and saw how sad these kids were being treated as though they're an inconvenience to their parents career, when all they want is to spend more time with their mum or dad is heart breaking and why we decided when we had kids that she would stay at home and be a parent, not pay some stranger to do their job. We also waited until she was over 3 before enrolling her, partly because if she didnt like it or something happened she would be able to tell us, and partly she went to other clubs and loved spending time with mum. Dont get why youd want to have kids only to palm them off most of the week onto someone else whilst paying extortionate fees.


But anyway,kids have accidents, its part of growing up. My daughter loves running and chasing other kids so constantly has bruises, but its who she is and shes the most outgoing, confident and friendly kid you could meet.

elsien

If that's your niece do her parents know her photo is up on a busy public forum? I know some people aren't fussed but I know a lot of my friends who'd be fuming at the breach of privacy if that's what it is,

tomtontom

VfM4meplse wrote: »

True. My sister is happy-go-lucky but I am less forgiving.

Correct, accepted and acknowledged by all concerned. But sister seems able to live with it untroubled.

Also correct. But at least I don't deny it, nor do I act on it. I just think she deserves better than "good enough".

Too late

This is going to end in tears.

Back off, for your own good as much as anyone else's.

thorsoak

YOU ARE NOT HER PARENT.

Frankly, it seems to me from your posts that you wish you were - that you would be a far better parent than her parents.

You are sounding a bit like Bluelass!

whitewing

I agree that OP should back off. She isn't your child, regardless of how much you look after her.

Georgiegirl256

Sorry OP, but I'm finding this thread to be taking a bit if a disturbing turn.

It seems to me like you're wanting to frame the nursery for something, anything, so that your sister removes her daughter from there and you take care of her full time.

For everyone's sake, I think you need to take a step back. :A

gettingtheresometime

When I announced I was going back to work after the birth of our son, my mum & mil I think were surprised - bearing in mind this was the 1990s and a woman didn't go back to work after having a baby where I lived then.

Fortunately they had the sense to not say anything....if they had I would have told they they either pay my mortgage or shut up.

Roll on 3 years, son is happy & thriving in the same nursery when I get called in to say he's had an accident; basically his finger got caught in a door hinge.

Nursery are mortified.

Literally within days hubby comes home with news that there's a nursery that is opening up in his works so it makes more sense for son to go there.

When we gave notice the owner, understandably wanted to know if the accident had any bearing on our decision....it didn't it was just a case of bad timing.

When he left the nursery for the last time I cried before I went in and whilst I was there - it was like saying goodbye to family.

OP accidents happen ....it all depends on how the nursery reacts afterwards that would be the deciding factor as to whether I still used them.

tomtontom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Sorry OP, but I'm finding this thread to be taking a bit if a disturbing turn.

It seems to me like you're wanting to frame the nursery for something, anything, so that your sister removes her daughter from there and you take care of her full time.

For everyone's sake, I think you need to take a step back. :A

Extremely disturbing. Elsewhere OP refers to "our little one", "our already giggly one year old", clearly implying the child is hers. That's just not normal, and I can't believe the real mother would be happy about it.

OP I understand what it is like to be a certain age and childless. The answer is not to treat another child as your own. Maybe time to talk to someone about your feelings?

KiKi

VfM4meplse wrote: »

At the end of the day, she's not your daughter, and you need to be careful not to get attached as a parent.

Too late

Trust me when I say that comes across in every post.

I like that you're honest about it...but imagine how that might make your sister feel. Your sister might be happy-go-lucky, but there's not much worse than a family member making you feel you're not good enough. Or when your teenage niece realises that that's what you think of her mum.

It's the sort of thing that causes massive family rifts, one person thinking they can do better, are better, especially when it comes to parenting which is very emotive.

Personally, I agree that childcare all day every day at the age of one isn't ideal. But your strength of feeling towards your niece being voiced and acted out in that way isn't, IMO, appropriate. You also talk about her as if she's yours, especially when you say your mind was only at rest when you put her to bed and tucked her in. It's a bit strange, to be honest.

Do you wish she was yours? If so, you definitely need to back off, and it might be an idea to talk to someone.

Andypandyboy

Op this is a recipe for family disharmony. I agree with you that not all nurseries are ideal, but this is the one her parents have chosen for their own reasons. If they are accepting of what has happened then you are simply playing on every parents fears that something is amiss. Accidents do happen and if she seems fine now ( I take it from veiled hints that you are medically qualified?) and none the worse for her experience then I would leave it alone.

You do need to take a step back though, if your sister is accepting of the way you act and feel about your niece I suspect there will come a time when her husband may not be. To say that it is acknowledged and accepted that you would be the better parent is, quite frankly, rude and patronising and I can't imagine the non relative part of the equation being happy with that. I know I wouldn't be, if it wasn't said in jest or was said repeatedly.

The child is one, if you are going to second guess her parents at every turn there will come a time when they will ask you to back off. For your own sake do it now, voluntarily.

As an Aunt, Grandparent, or friend you have to know where the demarcation line is unless you suspect neglect.