Accident at nursery

VfM4meplse

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Is this child your daughter or your niece? I seem to remember that you mentioned the latter in an earlier post. If she is your niece, what do her parents say about it?

Yes she is. She's only one and is small for her age, crawls all over the place and cruises but lacks the confidence to let go of her support and walk independently at this stage. Thats why the story about the accident peddled out by the nursery to my sister seems so implausible.

I've checked her physically and put her to bed myself so my mind's at rest now (probably more importantly, so is that of her parents - and grandparents, who were stressing from a distance). I'd still like to get to the bottom of this though.

I know its good for her to interact with other children and the wider benefits of nursery care but the truth is I dislike her being there from early to late. She was put in a new environment with lots of toys and different children at the weekend and didn't react well, which makes me wonder how she is managing when left at nursery. I'm also more than a bit concerned that she's lost some weight, which I put down to her not eating at nursery rather than a growth spurt. I could find a hundred minor faults with then nursery, from how well they clean her face to the slovenly way they tie her nappies. Its not for me to lay a guilt trip on my sister, but to be honest I'd rather just quit work and look after her during the day, until she goes to school. I can be flexible with my hours - the NHS runs 24/7 after all - but my sister can't.

Yes kids are tougher than they look, and I realise I'll probably never be happy with the care a nursery gives, but I am so very attached to her...

pigpen

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Yes she is. She's only one and is small for her age, crawls all over the place and cruises but lacks the confidence to let go of her support and walk independently at this stage. Thats why the story about the accident peddled out by the nursery to my sister seems so implausible. .

So is my grandaughter.. she is 16 months, just into 9-12 month clothes so quite tiny, she doesnt walk or even bother trying yet so developmentally the same stage.. and she is having xrays right now for an accident.. it happens! It won't be her first or her last.. but it should still be logged in the incident book for the nurserys insurance purposes if nothing else.

Would you believe a child who cannot stand unaided would drop a 4.2Kg car seat on her own foot resulting in a trip to hospital??

Poppie68

You seem to of already decided they are lying.... You will find kids copy other kids all the time she may not try something at home but at nursery or school it's a whole different story....To be honest though if your sister has so many misgivings about the nursery then it begs the question of why she still leaves her daughter in their care as that is not being a responsible parent.

VfM4meplse

Poppie68 wrote: »

To be honest though if your sister has so many misgivings about the nursery then it begs the question of why she still leaves her daughter in their care as that is not being a responsible parent.

She doesn't. I do.

But like I say, I don't think anyone could look after her better than me!

KiKi

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Yes she is. She's only one and is small for her age, crawls all over the place and cruises but lacks the confidence to let go of her support and walk independently at this stage. Thats why the story about the accident peddled out by the nursery to my sister seems so implausible.

When kids are around other kids, you'd be surprised what they can do!! If you're really concerned (actually, if your sister is really concerned) then she could push the issue, but honestly, the things you think the child can't do with their family they can sometimes manage surprisingly well in other environments.

I've checked her physically and put her to bed myself so my mind's at rest now (probably more importantly, so is that of her parents - and grandparents, who were stressing from a distance). I'd still like to get to the bottom of this though.

But does your sister?

I know its good for her to interact with other children and the wider benefits of nursery care but the truth is I dislike her being there from early to late. She was put in a new environment with lots of toys and different children at the weekend and didn't react well, which makes me wonder how she is managing when left at nursery.

Does your sister have any concerns, though? Is she bothered about how her child is coping? It sounds to me like your issue is more with your sister than the nursery - you don't want her to be in the care of someone else for a long time. But as she's your niece, I guess it's not up to you. So short of taking care of her yourself, really there's very little you can do other than speak to your sister about how you could help, or help your sister to pursue it, if indeed she wants to.

I'm also more than a bit concerned that she's lost some weight, which I put down to her not eating at nursery rather than a growth spurt. I could find a hundred minor faults with then nursery, from how well they clean her face to the slovenly way they tie her nappies. Its not for me to lay a guilt trip on my sister, but to be honest I'd rather just quit work and look after her during the day, until she goes to school. I can be flexible with my hours - the NHS runs 24/7 after all - but my sister can't.

I'm not suggesting these issues aren't real, but are they problems which should concern you about the nursery's level of care? Or are they just not as perfect as you or her mum would do it? Again, is your sister concerned?

The weight issue - are you sure she's not eating at nursery? If so, that has to be addressed. But remember, it may not be the nursery not trying, it may be that your niece is unhappy in that environment and that's her way of protesting. And again - that's something your sister needs to look into, and also reflect on in terms of whether it's realistic to have her in nursery for such long hours.

Yes kids are tougher than they look, and I realise I'll probably never be happy with the care a nursery gives, but I am so very attached to her...

Of course you are - but she's not your child. Either your sister is as concerned as you and takes some action, or she's fine with it, in which case really what can you do other than have a sensible discussion with your sister?

Either way, the only thing I would say is that you do sound a bit precious in the way you talk about her - as if no-one cares more than you do, and that no-one is good enough for her, and as if your sister's not making the right judgements because they're not the same judgements you'd make. You talk as if you think you'd be a better mum than your sister. You need to be really careful with that. And if you take that approach, you'll end up finding fault in everything, from nursery, to her school, to her friends and her friends' parents, to her music teachers etc, and where she can do no wrong. That won't help her, either! At the end of the day, she's not your daughter, and you need to be careful not to get attached as a parent.

KiKi

VfM4meplse wrote: »

She doesn't. I do.

But like I say, I don't think anyone could look after her better than me!

Try saying that when she's a lunatic toddler and you're looking after her 10 hours a day...!

missbiggles1

I think you need to stand back a bit - from the way you speak and the way you say "we" about decision making, anybody'd think that she was your own child and she isn't.

VfM4meplse

KiKi wrote: »

Either way, the only thing I would say is that you do sound a bit precious in the way you talk about her - as if no-one cares more than you do, and that no-one is good enough for her, and as if your sister's not making the right judgements because they're not the same judgements you'd make.

True. My sister is happy-go-lucky but I am less forgiving.

KiKi wrote: »

You talk as if you think you'd be a better mum than your sister.

Correct, accepted and acknowledged by all concerned. But sister seems able to live with it untroubled.

KiKi wrote: »

You need to be really careful with that. And if you take that approach, you'll end up finding fault in everything, from nursery, to her school, to her friends and her friends' parents, to her music teachers etc, and where she can do no wrong. That won't help her, either!

Also correct. But at least I don't deny it, nor do I act on it. I just think she deserves better than "good enough".

KiKi wrote: »

At the end of the day, she's not your daughter, and you need to be careful not to get attached as a parent.

Too late

Poppie68

VfM4meplse wrote: »

She doesn't. I do.

But like I say, I don't think anyone could look after her better than me!

So what's the problem?
Your sister is the mother not you, I adore my 2 year old granddaughter but would never feel the need to have as much control as you obviously want of your niece.

Nothing you have said should have alarm bells ringing, you are making a lot of assumptions and bordering on obsessive behaviour.... Your sister doesn't have concerns and her decisions shouldn't be questioned.

VfM4meplse

Poppie68 wrote: »

Your sister is the mother not you, I adore my 2 year old granddaughter but would never feel the need to have as much control as you obviously want of your niece.

I am not seeking control, but I don't think its too much to expect for us to be consistent in our actions given the vast amount of time I spend looking after her. If that means ganging up on the nursery, so be it

I'm being silly now. Obviously time for beddyhouse.