It's not a lot, but it's enough

SpekySquarehead

Hey JVR. Great to 'see' you around again and sorry to hear you've been through the wringer. Thank you for the recommendations, I'll definitely be checking them out too.

joeyjimbles

I think you put yourself under a lot of pressure to perform.
I also think that anxiety is something to be taken seriously - you might never get another attack and that would be great, but you can teach yourself skills to help manage it. I have a young family member with severe anxiety and I know how it can take hold so learning the skills to deal with it, to keep it at bay and to look after yourself is always a good idea.

This is a great website https://www.mind.org.uk/ but it's not the only one. Yoga, meditation and mindfulness are all fabulous for keeping you centred as is talking to friends and family. It's ok not to be ok - which is probably not something that with your high-pressure sales job you typically feel you can show, but you can let your trusted family and mates in - and we're always here.

SpekySquarehead

Thanks Joey. I would absolutely recognise the early signs again, they're unavoidable by nature. Nipping it in the bud should it creep up again would be the best course of action to stop it from manifesting and taking over me.

The documentary I watched was on Game of Thrones and it was on the behind the scenes action from the latest series. This included a lot of night scenes and one director said, "when this is all over, I can honestly sit back and say I could not have worked harder". And there was me. Sitting on my couch. Not working. That sentence once again got my mind racing, panicking and feeling guilty. I turned the TV off and drove straight to work.

Is that anxiety? I've heard people talk of it and try to describe it but I don't think I'd ever really felt it to a worrying degree.

Anyway, I'll check out the website and I'll continue going to yoga, too.

jvr

For me it began with a constant sudden jump in my chest. it was like when your out and suddenly remember you left the gas on, except I didn't have the 'thing' to remember and be able to sort out so I was left with the feeling. similarly I had never felt anything like it before... if that explanation makes any sense at all! I have found the yoga meditation, making lists so I know I will remember the next day at work something I need to do but also rest have all helped

SpekySquarehead

I know exactly the feeling you mean. It was similair for me and constantly there. Very strange experience.

I've been going to yoga 2 or 3 times a week since I moved to Manchester and I've really grown to love it. I'm not flexible at all but I find it good for the mind more than anything else. Which is another reason why this episode caught me by surprise. Thanks JVR

GlendaSugarbean

Delurking to say well done for recognising something is off. Would it help to set some healthy boundaries re work? If you're in the office at 4am you probably aren't feeling your best. Is there anything you could do as an alternative?

ToTheBatcave

Hi Speky,

Have been following your diary for absolutely ages but decided to delurk after your most recent comments about anxiety as I often feel overwhelming guilt and anxiety if I think I haven't had a 'productive' enough day. I often wonder if this is a generational thing as many of my friends in their 20's often feel the pressure to always be 'hustling'. But after suffering with really bad burn out in the past I'll always prioritise my mental health first from now on. It seems like you've got some good strategies in place to help nip this in the bud.

You're clearly an ambitious and hard working guy but don't be afraid to take some time for your self once in a while.

SpekySquarehead

GlendaSugarbean wrote: »

Delurking to say well done for recognising something is off. Would it help to set some healthy boundaries re work? If you're in the office at 4am you probably aren't feeling your best. Is there anything you could do as an alternative?

Thanks for popping in and saying hello, it means a lot.

That's a really good question and one I need to think about further. My alarm going off at 4am was fuelled by my need for perfection in advance of a deadline. I'm not normally that eager to get into work but I do maintain those personal standards. What could I do as an alternative? I'm reluctant to lower the bar, but yes, something has to give. Let me ponder that.

ToTheBatcave wrote: »

Hi Speky,

Have been following your diary for absolutely ages but decided to delurk after your most recent comments about anxiety as I often feel overwhelming guilt and anxiety if I think I haven't had a 'productive' enough day. I often wonder if this is a generational thing as many of my friends in their 20's often feel the pressure to always be 'hustling'. But after suffering with really bad burn out in the past I'll always prioritise my mental health first from now on. It seems like you've got some good strategies in place to help nip this in the bud.

You're clearly an ambitious and hard working guy but don't be afraid to take some time for your self once in a while.

Thank you too for saying hello. Yeah, productivity is one which eats away at me at night. If I get into my bed at night knowing I've taken my foot off the gas, wither it be in work, not going to the gym, eating unhealthy, not tidying up etc, then I beat myself up about it.

I've kind of had this thought, wrongly probably, that my 20's should be spent with the head down, working hard as it'll set up a solid foundation for my future when I hope to have a wife and kids that I can enjoy the fruits of that labour. But at what cost? There's a fine balance and I'm learning more about that as time goes on.


Good morning all,

Back into a routine. Last night after work I went to the gym for a bit, phoned my gran, phoned my step-dad then was speaking with my mates for a couple of hours on xbox which was good fun and much needed I think.

No plans tonight, so I recon I'll do much the same. I'm interviewing 2 candidates today which I'm looking forward to. I like asking questions.

Paid today however it'll be less than what I am used to. I've been here for 7 months and they hadn't enrolled me into the pension scheme until now. So I've been used to receiving a set amount each month and now it'll be reduced by something like £100 as I'm paying into my pension as well as a backlog!! So I'll need to adjust my budget accordingly.

Not sure what I'm on for my NSD's but I recon it'll be pretty decent considering. 14 or 15 maybe. Same again next month I recon.

Have a nice weekend everyone and thank you for your messages of support. It means a lot.

jvr

I got the feeling you might be a perfectionist! Maybe its partly about reframing thoughts and listening to yourself more, the gym and yoga can do wonders but can be damaging if its another thing on top of a mega list you 'should do'. It might help to try view them as tools to help not tick lists, then on days when actually what you need to do for you is sit on the sofa with the xbox on, its not that you have failed to do something good for you, its that you have actually listened to yourself and your needs?


I'm 29 and for a long time I felt this huge pressure to always be busy, its like something people show off about. I learnt that if I have a mega busy Saturday seeing people, I need to keep Sunday completely to myself, while my friend is the opposite she gains energy being around people and finds days like that draining

crazy_cat_lady

Hey Speky
As you know, I have awful anxiety. For the first 30+ years of my life I thought that everyone felt the same way as I did, worrying about everything and being a perfectionist. Being able to recognise it and accept it for what it is has been a huge help to me. I am actually medicated to help take the edge off how I'm feeling about things, and have been through CBT which has been incredibly helpful to me. I'm a fixer, and if something is broken I want to fix it asap.
I also have the Headspace app, which I find very useful.
Don't think I can offer any further advice other than what's on here. Someone once said to me that I needed to learn the art of 'good enough' rather than perfection, which I still struggle with but I can let some stuff go.
And remember, it's absolutely OK to have days where you feel awful.