His Ex has got the C.M.S. involved

JReacher1

Person_one wrote: »

They clearly aren't inherently bad kids though, rather kids who have a poor relationship with their father despite being otherwise well regarded it seems.

Yes I agree it seems like they are good kids who just don't like their father.

It's a shame but when divorces happen then sometimes a child's relationship with either their father or mother does suffer.

mintymoneysaver

My 22 and 18 year olds very rarely see their dad. Not what I wanted when we split up 4 years ago, but they are old enough to make their own decisions (and I certainly couldn't change them even if I wanted to)
Some of the reasons they don't particularly bother....

He spends his entire time asking if they have 'any news' It's like chatting with a stranger and they hate it.

He has never once suggested that they spend any time more than a few hours together. Though he managed to spend our divorce settlement on a six week trip to Australia with his new girlfriend. ( Good for him, he's always wanted to go, don't blame him one bit. But being given £40,000 and not even treating your daughters to a meal)

They don't like his new girlfriend. She has no children and sealed her fate when she asked my incredibly shy 17 year old ( at the time) what bra size she was.

I am not an evil/ manipulating mother. I have done everything I can to keep their relationship going. I make them text him every now and again, I'm having a family meal for our daughter's graduation because that's what she wants, I am still friendly with all his family. They don't hate him because he cheated ( he did, but they'll never know) they just know that he's not an easy person to get on with, they even turn round to me and ask how I put up with him for so long. And all the cinema trips, mobiles and maintenance in the world won't make a blind bit of difference.

And I see the wonderful relationship my new boyfriend has with his daughter, and I could weep that my girls haven't got that. Because their dad's rubbish, and it's as simple as that. They found him difficult to talk to while he was here, they find it impossible now.

foolofbeans

As children get older it is quite natural that they prefer to spend their free time with friends rather than parents, absent or otherwise, so it may not be the deliberate snub you perceive.
Additionally, the last thing most teenagers want to do is hang out and chat with their parents. It can feel very awkward even when it is not forced.

Perhaps offer a meet for once a month so your OH can afford to take them to lunch/cinema etc and it's not too demanding of their free time so they can hopefully definitely commit. Of course OH should let them know he would be free if they wished to meet more often.

Kim_13

Both sides are financially worse off by having the CMS involved. He has to stump up 20% on top of his calculated payment, while 4% will be deducted from the payment itself. Perhaps they could renegotiate if she knows that she is losing money?

Otherwise, check that the calculation has been worked out using the correct information. If you are on a low income for instance, his payments may be reduced. If he can't afford his calculated payment then something seems amiss (though of course you may be in a particularly expensive area for water/council tax etc which may be a factor, so look at how you could reduce other outgoings.)

springdreams

The reason for not being able to afford the additional payment and/or treats could be that the OP doesn't work, so her OH is having to support her and any of her school going / non-working children who live with them as well paying maintenance for his own children (which will be no where near half of what it costs to raise a child), thus putting strain on his income ....

OP, I think it is perfectly reasonable for CMS to want to see your OHs entire pay slip in order to calculate what his maintenance payments should be, rather than just the part which mentions what his increase was. Only someone who has something to hide would not want them seeing the whole document IMHO.

swingaloo

Whats coming across to me is that you feel the need to 'shout' using capitals to make your point, thats quite telling.

It may be that the kids really resent him moving so far away from them.

Look at it this way, your husband got away with paying £45 less than he should for a long time so maybe its now balancing out in the mums favour.
I say this as a 2nd wife who has lived with a man paying maintenance for many years and who also has a teenager who is too busy to find time to spend with him.