His Ex has got the C.M.S. involved

linclass

Hello,
In the 2 and a half years since my partner left, and she divorced him, he had not once defaulted in paying the child maintenance, which they agreed on at the start. Because of a demand she made, and he didn't agree with shortly after Christmas, she approached the C.M.S. who re-calculated what he should be paying. This amounted to approx £45 over and above what he had been paying monthly. He isn't a big earner, and although £45 isn't a huge amount in the grand scheme of things, he is feeling having to pay this extra. His question is this: Now he is paying more to the Ex, is he still obliged to pay for 'extras' for the children who, incidentally are being VERY difficult, only wanting to see him for pocket money/trip to McDonalds etc, or is that £45 classed as being for those extras? He really hasn't got much money to play with by the end of the month. Thanks for reading.

shoe*diva79

What the CMS have calculated is the legal minimum he should be paying. If he wants to pay extra over and above that then thats his prerogative.

TBagpuss

No, he isn't required to pay the extras, but equally, it's worth bearing in mind that the CMS calculation doesn't (normally) cover the cost (or even 50% of the cost) of actually raising a child, so even if he continues to provide 'extras' it is likely that his ex will still be bearing the bulk of the cost of supporting the children.

He may also want to think about his relationship with the children, and whether cutting off the extras will result in further damage to his relationship with them.

linclass

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I'm sorry to say, the children, 14 and almost 18, are somewhat manipulated by their mother, resulting in a poor relationship between the 3 of them. He tries SO HARD to get them to meet up with him, but they are very obstructive. There is much more, that I won't go into on this forum.

It isn't a matter of not wanting to supply extra money for the children, it's a matter of not HAVING any extra money to give to those children!

Mojisola

linclass wrote: »

This amounted to approx £45 over and above what he had been paying monthly. He isn't a big earner, and although £45 isn't a huge amount in the grand scheme of things, he is feeling having to pay this extra.

His question is this: Now he is paying more to the Ex, is he still obliged to pay for 'extras' for the children who, incidentally are being VERY difficult, only wanting to see him for pocket money/trip to McDonalds etc, or is that £45 classed as being for those extras?

linclass wrote: »

I'm sorry to say, the children, 14 and almost 18, are somewhat manipulated by their mother, resulting in a poor relationship between the 3 of them.

It isn't a matter of not wanting to supply extra money for the children, it's a matter of not HAVING any extra money to give to those children!

He should be honest and tell them that now he is paying their Mum an extra £45, he doesn't have the money for treats.

The payment for the elder child will finish soon so he will be able to pay for some treats again when that stops.

linclass

Oh believe me Mojisola, he has tried. They don't believe it, he's even managed to give up smoking (after 43 years!) to try and save some money. The eldest has informed him he's ruined his life and now he can't go to Uni when the time comes. The younger one doesn't call, or text or contact at all unless it's to ask for money. They are very rude children. My partner didn't know, and wasn't invited to the School when one of them was awarded pupil of the year. It's sad. Really bloody sad.

pigpen

If he contacts the school he will be sent copies of all relevant letters.. reports etc.

He is paying what the CMS believe is based on his income.. unless he has told them he is earning more than he is then why is it wrong for him to provide .. I get your point but is £11.25 a week that much more?

It is only or a year or so until the older one finishes Alevels so he wont have to pay for him any longer.

I dont really think it is appropriate to discuss payments just that they are paid to make sure their needs are met.. if he lived with them he would be spending that money on them so why not now?

There are so many parents who do not pay it is great that he does... and even better he has stopped smoking!


Lots of people go to uni without a weekly macdonalds from dad.. He is being a spoiled brat and thinks he is entitled! Thats what he needs telling!.. and if he is that money orientated he could always get himself a little job for pocket money!

When the CSA closed my case I had to do the CMS application.. I had no choice.. it could have been the same for his ex too.. they increased payments he had to pay from £8 to £103 a week..

They just sound like obnoxious teens.. they may outgrow it eventually.. I'd be tempted to not do treats until they can be respectful.. free outings like hiking, beach/castle trips would be the only things offered..

I hope they both mature soon.. It's all so very difficult.. but not for long

linclass

Morning Pigpen.

Mmmm. Well, to start -

if he lived with them he would be spending that money on them so why not now?

I think NOT! The ex was/is a total control freak - they DIDN'T get treats as a rule.

I'd be tempted to not do treats until they can be respectful.. free outings like hiking, beach/castle trips would be the only things offered..

He's offered to take them to see their Grandmother who they had a reasonable relationship prior to the divorce. They don't even TALK to her now, and certainly won't go and visit. This, my view, is the 'control freak' controlling.

Sadly, like the Ex, they both are very money-oriented. Whenever partner asks them 'what would you like to do', the answer is: YOU want to see us, so it's YOUR job to decide. Every suggestion is answered as a NO. Been there. No. No. Even a flippant suggestion of a drive to Scotland!! He's run out of ideas.... it's soul destroying watching it actually, Pigpen.. But then, I guess that's the Ex's game.

linclass

Further more pigpen,

When the CSA closed my case I had to do the CMS application.. I had no choice.. it could have been the same for his ex too..

No. The original payments was an agreement. All because she demanded to see the WHOLE of his wage slip, rather than the RELEVANT part that stated the pay rise, she decided instead to approach CMS. Spiteful woman. Very few friends. I wonder why?? At first, I took a very neutral stance - trying to see things from BOTH sides. But as this has dragged on, and on, it's plain the type of woman she is. I don't like myself for feeling bitter about this, but it really is starting to have an effect on my partner's health. She will be TRULY happy when he's dead.

Fosterdog

Have you been through the calculator yourself to make sure she hasn't put in false amounts to get the payment up? OHs ex did that when she first applied for CSA, the first amount they demanded off him was only £20 less than his entire wage, it got lowered when he provided proof of earnings and she actually ended up with less than he had been giving her voluntarily before she decided to get CSA involved.

Mojisola

linclass wrote: »

Sadly, like the Ex, they both are very money-oriented. Whenever partner asks them 'what would you like to do', the answer is: YOU want to see us, so it's YOUR job to decide. Every suggestion is answered as a NO. Been there. No. No. Even a flippant suggestion of a drive to Scotland!! He's run out of ideas.... it's soul destroying watching it actually, Pigpen.. But then, I guess that's the Ex's game.

But your OH doesn't have to play. If the children were still living with him, would he put up with that kind of behaviour? He's their Dad and should be setting the boundaries. If it means he spends less time with them, that might be better for his well-being.