1.am I reasonable 2.childcare costs

peachyprice

Guest101 wrote: »

No, no, in ALL jobs, management can dictate.


Just in some they choose not to.

Yes, in my experience, the majority.

As for OP, from what he has written it's seems like he has free choice as long as there aren't too many off at the same time, so if he communicates with them and gets his form in early he should be fine.

justme111

So you (sorry do not have time to pick individual posters names ) think that you have right to say or imply that one is not a good parent because they do not want or can not spend the amount of holiday days that you think is right with a child ?
You think it is right to say one is a bad parent because one does not " put the child first" ? ( whatever it means in your world , I dislike this expression vehemently as it tends to be used in self righteousness denigrating others context )
How exactly does the logic work - he is a parent so he has to share holiday care 50/50 ? It is like saying he is a parent so he does have to share school runs 50/50 , or bathing the child 50/50. You will say - do not talk nonsense , it is impractical as he does not live in the same house. That's right , that's precisely what we are talking about - there is a resident parent (rp) and nonresident parent (nrp). they are not in equal circumstances, so your "logic" - he has to do it because he is a parent - does not necessarily automatically apply. He has the child 2 days a week , that's the way is commonly accepted . It is not ideal but in divorced/separated cases many things CAN NOT be ideal and it is not a man's fault that the woman has little time to herself or is overburdened with most of the hard bits of parenting - sleepless nights , days off work because child is sick , no evenings to go out etc etc.
I understand why women may become frustrated , please just remember it is not the man's fault !
So coming back to holiday question if we agree that residency is split 5:2 in term time why does it magically have to revert to 1:1 in holiday time "because he is a parent "?
Of course it is better if nrp manages to see a child in holiday times more. I would not expect it as their duty though and would not fathom how one can expect nrp to be understanding and helpful if he is met with "it is your duty and you are rubbish parent if you do not do it " attitude.

All of the above written from having met described challenges being a rp.

rpc

peachyprice wrote: »

As for OP, from what he has written it's seems like he has free choice as long as there aren't too many off at the same time, so if he communicates with them and gets his form in early he should be fine.

And then you run into the "everyone wants the holidays off" problem which is a blummin nightmare.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Here's my 2p's worth.

No, I don't think you should be liable for the cost of childcare for your daughter on the days that are not agreed. (For example, if the agreement is you have her on a Tuesday, then you have her on a Tuesday in the holidays. If your ex is expecting you to have your daughter on one of her days - lets say Wednesday - when you wouldn't normally have daughter on a Wednesday, then no, I don't think you should be responsible)

That said, if you can have your daughter extra for the holidays, go for it. Enjoy the time with her growing up, she wont be little for long.

My kids are 8 and 4. Their dad doesn't see them (his choice) so he doesn't help during the holidays, nor does he pay towards their child care. I do however, get maintenance.

I also get tax credits, which helps towards the cost of childcare.

Even if he was seeing the kids, I wouldn't expect him to have them on days that weren't "his" - Yes, it would be nice. But certainly not expected.

[Deleted User]

My thought, yes you pay maintenance and have you kids on agreed dates. I think if you can then have your kids and pay and enjoy the time.
I'm going to have to go through this soon and my thoughts are I want my daughter as much as possible when I am home but I know I will be limited to weekends and the odd school night. That kills me so any holidays I will appreciate and pay.
Just pay and enjoy the time with the kids.

quidsy

OP, why do you only see your child 2 days a week anyway? Is that something the mum wanted?
Or was it just how it worked out due to your work life balance?
Maybe she'd appreciate you having your dd on a more equal split of time?


I only ask as my ex & I have 50/50 childcare split, he stays we me 4 days & ex 3 days one week then 4 with ex & 3 with me the other. We both then get every other weekend free & some weeknights. DS gets to spend equal amount of time with both parents & neither of us feel that one is shirking more than the other.


But fyi, I get zero child benefit from ex as he is lower earner than me, I also pay the school fees, clothes, & other associated additional costs & ex covers food, entertainment etc when he has ds. I don't really quibble over the money side as I would rather my ds see his parents having a grown up, non bitter relationship than moan over what I have to pay for & ex doesn't.


Oh & I stumped up 6 months rent in advance, deposit & fees for ex to transition moving out, it cost me 9k but I feel it was worth it to make sure our son had a comfortable place to stay with him on his days.

Daddys.girl

Just to clarify a fee things.
I have her every other weekend and every weds night. This was agreed by both of us as it's best for both of us and more importantly dd. I did offer to have dd full time and receive £250and nothing more from the ex pm due to her work circumstances at the time, she refused, I agreed as it was best for dd to live her mum, as thats what's best. Dd would rather spend time with her mum, that don't make me a bad parent, that's a pretty natural thing.
At present she goes to nursery or my mum has one day a week,also my step mum use to have one day a week until lately she became ill.
I'm not denying the ex spends fair bit on dd , some needed some just pretty spoilt. I also buy her clothes/food take her for days out ect, so it's not like £250 stops there.
As per hols time off,people make it sound so easy are just pit ur leave first, plan blaa blaa, Wells it's not as easy as that. I will put my annual leave in on 1St April and no doubt my colleagues will do the same, hopefully if I'm lucky I'll get 4 weeks off and just have to pay for the other 2,
As for ex, she's circa 60k per year, if the shoe was on the other foot I would say, do you know what, I'm doing allrite, don't worry about the odd hundred hear and there, I don't begrudge putting my hand in pocket for my dd. If the ex wants to play it 50/50 then cool, lets both put 3k in the pot and play it from there. From an exs dad perspective trust me I spend a lot of time with dd, I'm usually the only single dad taking her to b day parties/parks/swimming ect ect, I would say I pull my weight more than most and put my hand in my pocket to set the ex up with a home more than most.

Kynthia

Guest101 wrote: »

Not true.


The employer is free to give one employee all their leave outside of term and another all in term.

I don't know why you are so intent going down this path regarding the difficulties the OP 'might' have with his employer. There's no indication from the OP that his employer dictates when staff have leave or that he'd be treated any differently from the others, including the other parents trying to get the school holidays. All he's said is that there's competition for the school holidays and he hasn't yet tried to book any.

justme111

He said the year starts on 1st of April so he could not possibly tried yet.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Daddys.girl wrote: »

Just to clarify a fee things.
I have her every other weekend and every weds night. This was agreed by both of us as it's best for both of us and more importantly dd. I did offer to have dd full time and receive £250and nothing more from the ex pm due to her work circumstances at the time, she refused, I agreed as it was best for dd to live her mum, as thats what's best. Dd would rather spend time with her mum, that don't make me a bad parent, that's a pretty natural thing.
At present she goes to nursery or my mum has one day a week,also my step mum use to have one day a week until lately she became ill.
I'm not denying the ex spends fair bit on dd , some needed some just pretty spoilt. I also buy her clothes/food take her for days out ect, so it's not like £250 stops there.
As per hols time off,people make it sound so easy are just pit ur leave first, plan blaa blaa, Wells it's not as easy as that. I will put my annual leave in on 1St April and no doubt my colleagues will do the same, hopefully if I'm lucky I'll get 4 weeks off and just have to pay for the other 2,
As for ex, she's circa 60k per year, if the shoe was on the other foot I would say, do you know what, I'm doing allrite, don't worry about the odd hundred hear and there, I don't begrudge putting my hand in pocket for my dd. If the ex wants to play it 50/50 then cool, lets both put 3k in the pot and play it from there. From an exs dad perspective trust me I spend a lot of time with dd, I'm usually the only single dad taking her to b day parties/parks/swimming ect ect, I would say I pull my weight more than most and put my hand in my pocket to set the ex up with a home more than most.

Then you should only be held accountable for every other weekend and a Wednesday night during the school holidays.

If you have your child during the school holidays then the maintainence money would decrease as you would be having your child more often.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help, by all means if you can then do so, You might also want to talk about other holidays - Christmas for example. What happens with your child then?