1.am I reasonable 2.childcare costs

Person_one

Ok, I'm sorry, I tried not to, but...

A child takes precedence

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/precedence


OP, I agree with everything Kynthia said.

Your maintenance isn't a payment in lieu of any and all other responsibilities towards your child. Its basically the minimum society expects of you, to maintain a roof over your child's head and food on their plate.

Daddys.girl

Sorry if I come across as bit of an a hole in the way word things, 1 I'm not very good at wording things,2, I'm writing of a phone, hence short sweet and blunt and straight to the point.

I'm not trying to get brownie point's, just thought I put few facts in, I guess aswell subconsciously getting a few things of my chest. I wouldn't mind living with someone and paying any bills ect and them to give me 10k at the end of it,fair enough for 2 of them years we ws a family, and when she had 9 months off I picked her credit card bills which is fair enough as she had loss of earnings.
Sometimes I feel like she puts her job first and money is more important than looking after her dd,even tho I can understand it to a point as it would be hard to take a more suited job for dd for half the pay. Iv given up 2 job opportunities as they did not fit around me having my dd, bit that's life.
It's good to get a mums and dads perspective on here, as I only had it from mates (dad's) before and said she's taking the pi55 out of you,and of course I start to think that. But after your guys comments I have a change of view, I will pay my half of child care, I can't be bothered to argue and just want bit of peace and quiet.
I think one thing that will stop,is I won't be go running round there to fix things/mow her grass , as all the favours seem to be one way traffic, when I ask if she can come round for an hour every other week to look after dd whilst I play footy she's allways busy,think she forgets that I spent 3 months going round hers mon -Thurs to look after dd.

Just want to say,I don't want slate her as mother , as she's an excellent mum, and I consider myself as a good dad and pretty reasonable ex partner.

So thanks for the replies

quidsy

As a self employed working mother I can understand why your ex puts her job as a high priority, she wont have the buffer of holiday or sick pay, work pension, bonuses or pay rises. If she doesn't work she can't afford to live. If she were to take a job that paid half but gave more time with your dd, who covers the shortfall?


I think you need to look at what is important, your dd & the relationship she see's you & the ex having.




re: money, did you expect she would be working from the moment she had your dd? As a self employed how was she supposed to support herself whilst being pregnant with, giving birth to & recovering from, having your child?


As for the jobs you did in the past, these were all done on your own willingness, unless she had a gun to your head, so don't use them as an argument.


Just stop doing things for her & get on with your life.

Beckyy

Could either of you ask for unpaid parental leave to cover some of the holidays?

What would you have done if you were still together?

SandC

Why do people describe taking holidays as 'childcare'? Crikey, whether separated or together, you take your hols to spend time doing non work stuff which includes spending time with your child(ren) if you have them. Surely pretty much all of your leave from work would be to spend it with your offspring? To describe it as 'childcare' I think is very sad!

*edited to say I do understand it's near on impossible for all 12 weeks of school hols to be used in school hols but really if separated and the parents won't be spending their hols together then that gives them more leeway in terms of cost spreading when childcare is required surely?

Daddys.girl

At the time we had dd my ex was employed and got full pay for 6 months

Guest101

Im Sorry to repeat this, but the assumption is the OP is able to take all their annual leave out of term time. Which in my experience is rare.

Daddys.girl

She can pick and choose time off with in reason. Unfortunately I can not

If we was still together then it would be split 50)50

quidsy

But it should still be 50/50 even when not a couple anymore. You aren't a 20% parent

peachyprice

Guest101 wrote: »

Im Sorry to repeat this, but the assumption is the OP is able to take all their annual leave out of term time. Which in my experience is rare.

It really isn't that rare to be able to have at least some time off during school holidays.

OP works in a team of 6, what are the chances of ALL 6 of those people having children and ALL the other 5 hogging the 13 weeks school holidays between them?

As I said earlier, OP needs to speak to his colleagues and come to an arrangement that is fair to all of them. Sticking his head in the sand and saying he might not be able to take time off so that's that isn't good enough.

He needs to put his daughter first and speak up for himself. So he can't book any leave until 1st april, neither can any of his colleagues, they either work it out between them before submitting their requests or he makes damn sure he gets in there first. It's what parents do.