Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Loubelou

NO NO No....She will be paying for the divorce within a year!!

My Dad paid over £10,000 for my wedding I was just a passenger watching all the money spent with no control at all. This was 20 years ago, I was divorced after 2 years and it was the start of him getting into £200,000 worth of debt.

Wait and be strong she will thank you one day x

aquarius02

Of course she can say "no", or anything else she wishes for that matter. No one is obliged to pay anything towards a wedding. This unemployed, stay at home daughter, sounds like a real little madam.

BNT

The whole thing seems odd. A mother who has to think about whether or not to say no her daughter? A husband who seems to think it is purely up to hos wife how their money is committed?

happyinflorida

As they've got engaged after such a short period of time it would be a good idea to point this out and to say you're worried about this. Advisable to start with "We're happy for you, of course and as responsible parents it is our duty to ensure you are doing the right thing, we'd like you to wait 6 months before making any bookings and any payments are made"

If they're not going to last, that is long enough - take my word for it!!

brendajsidnell

BNT wrote: »

Tradition is that the bride's family pays for the wedding. However, like all traditions, those things change over time and it is certainly not a hard and fast rule. These days it is just as common for the bride and groom to pay, or for both families to contribute. The tradition also is based on it being an event hosted by the bride's parents. That means their guests, their church/venue, their menu, choice of wine etc. It was not based on it being a party hosted by the bride and groom and simply funded by her parents.

Well said!

brendajsidnell

If she's on benefits and he's a student, how do they think they're going to survive (financially) as a married couple? Perhaps Mummy & Daddy could buy them a house or pay their rent?

wondermouse

Come on, this one has been written by Jeremy Kyle surely?

I agree with the people that say who wants to get married at 18 these days? And on benefits?

I can see the righteous Daily Mail sense of outrage fuming from here.

Have an engagement for at least a year, then save all you can towards your future. :j

Pollycat

wondermouse wrote: »

Come on, this one has been written by Jeremy Kyle surely?

I agree with the people that say who wants to get married at 18 these days? And on benefits?

I can see the righteous Daily Mail sense of outrage fuming from here.

Have an engagement for at least a year, then save all you can towards your future. :j

Actually, it has been written by MSE Nick on behalf of 'this week's moneysaver'.
Maybe Jeremy 'moonlights' on here as a mod in his spare time....;)

BNT wrote: »

The whole thing seems odd. A mother who has to think about whether or not to say no her daughter? A husband who seems to think it is purely up to hos wife how their money is committed?

The whole thing is a 'Money Moral Dilemma'.
I've never understood why the moneysaver can't join MSE and post on their own behalf.
At least then, there would be half a chance that the OP would come back to the thread and clear up some points.

BNT

Pollycat wrote: »

The whole thing is a 'Money Moral Dilemma'.
I've never understood why the moneysaver can't join MSE and post on their own behalf.
At least then, there would be half a chance that the OP would come back to the thread and clear up some points.

I did read one a while back where the person with the dilemma did come back with feedback. But I agree, these dilemmas do tend to be to vague and could benefit from some follow-up information in most cases.

GlamGirlie

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My 18-year-old stepdaughter (who is currently on benefits) got engaged to a student after six weeks. She expects her mum and dad to finance most of the wedding and is putting great pressure on my wife to commit to naming what sum of money she will contribute. If she doesn't, this will be an on-going sore between them in an already tense relationship, yet my wife does not want to become a hostage to fortune.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

I would say your wife is by no means obliged to contribute - clearly that would be her choice.

However, if she has said "we will help out with the cost" or similar then she really should state how much she will contribute, as it will be difficult for the couple to budget without knowing a figure.

Weddings are run on strict budgets, and whether your budget is £12K or £30K, you still need to know how much you have.

And personally, I do think parents should contribute, but only to a certain extent, eg my parents bought my dress, shoes etc, the wedding cars, flowers and cake, his parents bought the mens' suits, wine, and stationery. We paid for the rest ourselves.