Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Person_one

In what way is this even remotely a moral dilemma?

MandM90

Give her £500 for the ceremony, and put away the same for the divorce fees...

I would never expect my mum to contribute. She gave us £1000 towards our wedding and we thought it was lovely. OHs parents are also paying for a chunk of it. We were expecting to pay for it all ourselves though.

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

In what way is this even remotely a moral dilemma?

It's as moral as it is real

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

In what way is this even remotely a moral dilemma?

Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Because MSE Nick says it is?

Bristow

Crikey. My husband and I married in a registry office in 1974. My father had recently died, so we only invited parents and siblings. Still together nearly 42 years later. Cousin of my husband married same day, big white wedding and divorced 3 years later.

Plus we didn't have a present 'list' and had 13 casserole dishes, most of which are still going strong. And we think about the kind folk who gave them to us every time we use them.

So suggest you tell your step-daughter that she has a registry office wedding and uses the money saved on white goods for her future home. And tell her if she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to stand on her own two feet and not expect Mum and Dad to provide.

moneyistooshorttomention

BNT wrote: »

Tradition is that the bride's family pays for the wedding. However, like all traditions, those things change over time and it is certainly not a hard and fast rule. These days it is just as common for the bride and groom to pay, or for both families to contribute. The tradition also is based on it being an event hosted by the bride's parents. That means their guests, their church/venue, their menu, choice of wine etc. It was not based on it being a party hosted by the bride and groom and simply funded by her parents.

I know its tradition for brides family to pay - as I think both my parents and I assumed that would be the case if I had, with me being a woman (though I'm Baby Boomer generation - so cant speak for what the norm is in current generation).

The last couple of sentences are news to me - as I had realised my parents paying would mean they would have the right to invite whatever relatives they wished to invite. However, I always took it that all the other choices (other guests, venue, menu, choice of wine) would have been made by my husband-to-be and myself (with the emphasis on me doing the main choosing - as I would be the woman out of the two of us and its basically the bride's day).

In today's circumstances - where I suspect people often do pay for their own weddings - then I would tend towards assuming the parents would pay a noticeable contribution (say £5,000) rather than for everything.

But I would be shocked at someone wanting to get married as young as 18 and in those circumstances and am guessing I'd probably put in a comment to them of "This being the 21st century - then I will give you £5,000 towards it and leave it to you to cover any further cost on top of that. Obviously - all decisions are yours to make. BUT I can't afford to give you that money until the sort of age I thought you'd be getting married at - eg around mid-20s - as I'm still saving it up at present, as there are a few years to go till then".

Errrr....that probably would be a white lie to say I hadn't got that £5k yet:o.

But I would have put the ball in their court - ie of "If you want to get married so young - then its down to you and I'll just give a standard wedding present and turn up in my party frock at the occasion". The decision is then theirs...

System

Pollycat wrote: »

Maybe she's on some sort of disability/health benefits and is not fit to work.

I do wish they'd clarifyy these kind of things as the reponses might be different.

For example, if its the case she's just unemployed, then yes i agree she needs to get a job and start saving for her own wedding, but on the flip side if she's too ill to work/disabled and can't work, then that's going to put her in a different position (whilst i don't agree with her expecting mum to pay, i would understand her thinking she might need help if she's never going to be able to earn enough to pay for it herself-though she could save a bit per week)

Personally i'd never expect my parents to contribute a penny if/when i get married. For starters i have 2 sisters so thats 3 wedding my parents would have to pay out for if we stuck to "tradition". When the times comes i certainly don;t think i'll be spending a lot, i've seen package deals for under £2000 and thats something me and the bf could easily save up betweeen ourselves (though we want a house first so it might be a while before wedding bells.. :eek : yes i know, wrong order...and we're not engaged anyway...as in we've not discussed marraige)

Caroline_a

The tradition of the bride's parents paying for the wedding also came from a time when the bride was still living with her parents, and in most cases was still a virgin on her wedding night. So many couples now have set up homes for several years as well as have a couple of children, and I think to expect parents to then fork out money for a wedding is just cheeky! Particularly as we have now got all these USA imports such as favours and bridal showers, as well as ridiculous amounts of money spent on flowers, decorations, dresses, etc etc. It is said that the more money spent on the wedding, the shorter the marriage is.

omendata

Just goes to show how !!!!less the youth of today are - unemployed and wanting to get married and in even more debt.

Pretty stupid - her mother should have advised her better and taught her finance so its up to her.

Personally if it were my daughter i would tell her where to get off - the youth of today have no discipline and its about time parents were brought to book over it - it amazes me these programmes on the tv with kids attacking their parents - where has the respect gone and the discipline - You would never have seen this pre-1960.

Society has become weak and !!!!less and it makes me sick to see this crap - a good bat around the lugoles never did me any harm and i look back and thank my dad for the discipline and education my parents gave me to become a better person , even the belt in school had a remarkable effect on the bad uns in class - now we have kids attacking , raping and murdering teachers and headmasters - sadly society is in retrograde evolution and there isnt much we can do about it.

Potato people with spud brains and no guts to say it as it is - bashed by political correctness , the race card and squeezed and manipulated by politicians and the EU. What a sad situation!

Andy_89

I would make a point of saying no.


SIX WEEKS.


I was with my, now wife, 3.5 years before I proposed. then it was a further 2 years before we wed.


I paid for all but £2,000 of my wedding. My dad turned up with a cheque one day - I was shocked to get that.