Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair to redistribute my kids' cash equally?

HurdyGurdy

And then what's the next step. Child 1 leaves school and gets a job, works their way up their career path and ends up earning £25,000 per annum.

Child 2 then leaves school and is unable to find a job, so is living on JSA.

Do you then say to Child 1 - it's not fair that you have more money than your sibling, so you need to give them some of your salary.

taliesin1

Don't redistribute. It's part of your children's growing up process and they need to know that life's not fair. We always adopted that policy with our sons and, in turn, they have adopted it too.

Gwynlewis

No you shouldn't redistribute. Just tell the unpopular ones to smile more!!

aquarius02

You are effectively asking if it is OK to steal from one child to give to another, so obviously no; it is not your money.

meknowalot-51

Taking money from your child is theft,leave it alone,it's not yours.Whatever the reason friends/relatives give for the different amounts is something you have to accept and respect.Plus of course age differences which would clearly differ the totals between them all.We give our grandchildren £60 each at xmas(cheque),plus when were out on trips they all go or it doesn't happen.We realize that as they get older they may not want to join us,that's fine as it's their choice.They could,in time recieve different amounts in inheritance,what's your plan then?

Robisere

We have 4 grandchildren, ds & dd have one of each flavour. Ds has a 19 year old daughter and 17 year old son, dd has a 22 year old son and 10 year old daughter. A few years ago we were left a sum by a relative and decided to open a Junior ISA for all of them whilst the eldest 3 were at school and the youngest a toddler. This means that the youngest will receive the biggest payout when she is 18, but we long ago explained the principle of accrued interest to them and they are all OK, we are a very close family and the cousins are all close and protective of each other. To understand the way that our son and daughter have passed on the way we brought them up, I show this tale about our youngest: dd was making a very infrequent visit to the other grandparents. They are not a likeable couple, in fact dd's partner their son does not even like his own parents, their sole object in life is to talk about what they have and where they go. Anyway, youngest gd was given £5 by the grandmother (who likes to be called 'nanny' not grandma) and was puzzled, turning to mum she said "Why is she giving me money?" Nanny took offence (doesn't take much!) and snatched back the Fiver. Dd treid to explain that we gave money for them into the ISA's, at which Nanny asked how much. When told it was £2,500 each, she was speechless and could not understand that we were trying to give them a start at 18. Neither dd nor her partner have been back to see them since, not something I want them to do and have advised against it, but they are determined. I was shocked to discover that none of Nanny's 3 children visit with their children either: that would break my heart, I love my "grandbrats" as I call them.

For me it goes back to my childhood. I was the youngest of 3 brothers by 17 and 15 years and my parents were 40 when I came along. Dad was badly injured at work when I was young and I worked from the age of 8, eventually having 2 paper deliveries and a butcher's round at weekends. I had to do this, there were times when we had no food in the house. I grew up working and saving and I knew the value of money, which is the best lesson to pass on to children. Our kids passed this on so well that all 3 eldest are doing well.

So I say ask the relatives giving money if they mind that you save this in an account for your children. Get them interested in saving.

mumps

My late MIL decided my daughter should collect a certain set of ornaments, they cost quite alot but aren't worth much second hand. She gave her brother gold coins, cost about the same but he is in a position where he can sell them for several thousand pounds. I wish she had just given them cash, I know it was her choice but it has made a big difference between them. My daughter was her favourite by the way.

mumps

Robisere wrote: »

We have 4 grandchildren, ds & dd have one of each flavour. Ds has a 19 year old daughter and 17 year old son, dd has a 22 year old son and 10 year old daughter. A few years ago we were left a sum by a relative and decided to open a Junior ISA for all of them whilst the eldest 3 were at school and the youngest a toddler. This means that the youngest will receive the biggest payout when she is 18, but we long ago explained the principle of accrued interest to them and they are all OK, we are a very close family and the cousins are all close and protective of each other. To understand the way that our son and daughter have passed on the way we brought them up, I show this tale about our youngest: dd was making a very infrequent visit to the other grandparents. They are not a likeable couple, in fact dd's partner their son does not even like his own parents, their sole object in life is to talk about what they have and where they go. Anyway, youngest gd was given £5 by the grandmother (who likes to be called 'nanny' not grandma) and was puzzled, turning to mum she said "Why is she giving me money?" Nanny took offence (doesn't take much!) and snatched back the Fiver. Dd treid to explain that we gave money for them into the ISA's, at which Nanny asked how much. When told it was £2,500 each, she was speechless and could not understand that we were trying to give them a start at 18. Neither dd nor her partner have been back to see them since, not something I want them to do and have advised against it, but they are determined. I was shocked to discover that none of Nanny's 3 children visit with their children either: that would break my heart, I love my "grandbrats" as I call them.

For me it goes back to my childhood. I was the youngest of 3 brothers by 17 and 15 years and my parents were 40 when I came along. Dad was badly injured at work when I was young and I worked from the age of 8, eventually having 2 paper deliveries and a butcher's round at weekends. I had to do this, there were times when we had no food in the house. I grew up working and saving and I knew the value of money, which is the best lesson to pass on to children. Our kids passed this on so well that all 3 eldest are doing well.

So I say ask the relatives giving money if they mind that you save this in an account for your children. Get them interested in saving.

I'm not sure I understand, are you saying you DD and her partner don't take their child to see the other grandparents because they only gave her £5 and you gave her £2,500?

rachy182

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'd call that theft in either case.

If someone gives money to a child then the parents have no right to use that money to provide things like clothes and food that it's their responsibility to pay for, regardless of whether or not there were siblings involved.

Ive never understood this logic. Theres no point in a child having hundreds or thousands in the bank but no home,food or decent clothes. When i was youngerme and my siblings had a few hundred in an account but due to my dad becoming unemployed these were emptied so the morgage could be paid and food could be brought. As an adult i can appeciate that it would be nice to of had that money to put towards my first car but im grateful ive always had a roof over my head and never starved. The money wasnt used so we could have luxuries it was so we could survive.

Hemera

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'd call that theft in either case.

If someone gives money to a child then the parents have no right to use that money to provide things like clothes and food that it's their responsibility to pay for, regardless of whether or not there were siblings involved.

In the second example, if the grandchild who received the original gift chose to share that with his/her sibling, all well and good. If the parents/grandparents chose to take half that child's money away from him to give to a sibling then I'd consider that to be theft as well.

Once you've given somebody money as a gift then it belongs to them, so to take it away, for whatever reason, is stealing their money, pure and simple.

I understand that I'll never agree with you and the majority of other posters here, and I appreciate that different people can have different opinions, however "theft" seems an entirely disproportionate word.
The parents are responsible to provide for the children, yes, and they are also responsible to manage the household budget. Teenagers and older children are often expected to make a contribution to household expenses, and while well-off parent might only charge a token amount, less affluent parents might be reliant on the sum they ask of the child. Is that theft too, since it's the child's money? Also, ad the poster above me has said, if financial difficulties arise for whatever reason, parents are just supposed to let the children starve or wear rags, while there is an available amount of money they (the parents) could use for the child's well-being?

I don't know, maybe my views are due to the fact that I've never received big sums as gift. Whatever odd 100£ I received on birthdays etc. my parents used to fund household expenses, sports activities, holidays etc. (and no, they didn't leave my brother at home) and I'm ok with that.