Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair to redistribute my kids' cash equally?

pigpen

no.. its not your to give away as you see fit even if it is only to siblings!

Sir_Artois

whilei generally agree, i pose a slight variation to this:

This is a situation i see with my niece/nephew - different fathers, so example xmas just gone, the two got more or less even xmas presents' value from all the family, but as they have different fathers, the niece got considerably more due to her father being more generous.

though i agree with all the above how it is unfair, i also felt strongly for my nephew who did not understand why his sister got more etc

happyinflorida

If the amounts vary significantly is this down to

1 - some of the kids involved are a lot older, therefore the relatives involved have been giving to them a lot longer?

2 - some of the kids are getting more from relatives because they are favourites?

If it's down to age I'd say it's not a good idea to redistribute the amounts involved as some kids are older and have been alive for longer and it would be unfair to take their money from them because of this, especially if the relatives are still alive and still giving money to the younger ones.

If it's down to one or two kids being favourites, then it's far more difficult.

Are you asking because you disagree with favouratism full stop or because you disagree with your relatives having favourites or who your relatives have chosen as their favourites?!

Have the relatives put you in charge of accessing the kids money? Seems strange to do that and you have to ask yourself whether it is what the relatives would be happy with for you to change the amounts each child actually receives.

Is it possible to discuss this with the relatives involved?

Might also be a good idea to discuss it with the kids involved - if they've been brought up to be fair then their input might also be worth asking for.

crmism

It is up to the donors, not you, to decide how much each child gets, and I guess that the differing amounts reflect the differing levels of affection they have for each of them. It might seem unfair, but why should you adopt a Robin Hood attitude and deprive one child in favour of the others? Life is all about inequality, and you will make your children less demanding and more considerate to others if their own development is based upon an acceptance that not everything is fair in life. It's what they do with the money that matters.

sugarbaby125

I would say leave well alone. Life is not always fair.

I have 4 children, a daughter 33, a son 32, a daughter 32 and a 15 year old son. I have never been well off, even when I am working. When my oldest were young, I was on Benefits, so Birthdays, Christmas and other special days in the year were done on a very tight budget. Even for their 16th, 18th and 21st Birthdays they were lucky to get gifts totalling £50 and there was no money for parties for these milestone birthdays.

My 23 year old daughter fared better as my finances were much improved by the time she was a teenager. She got family meals in local restaurants for her 16th and 18th Birthday, plus about £250 to £300 of presents from me. I threw a family party at home for her 21st Birthday, gave her 21 birthday presents plus £210. She got a further £480 given to her from various family members and also lots of other presents.

My 15 year old son, I have been able to be most generous to. I got almost £1,500 of tax credits paid to me last June in a lump sum, which immediately went into my Savings Account. My older children know that my youngest son is to receive 16 small presents and £160 for his 16th Birthday. He is also going to receive £100 for each A*, £90 for each A, £75 for each B and £50 for each C that he achieves in his GCSE's. As he is a Gifted and Talented student and is expected to achieve A* and A in all of his 11 GCSE's. :T

I had to make sure that I had the possible maximum of £!,100 already saved, as I was unemployed from February 2015 and was finding it hard to get a new job. I am saving for his 18th and his 21st Birthdays, now that I am finally working again, even though I now work part time.

None of my older children are resentful that my youngest son has been more fortunate in terms of monetary gifts and presents over his teenage years from me, because the older 3 have their Father, and all of his relatives to give them gifts, whereas their younger brother has a father that decided not to have any input in his son's life. I tend to try to make sure that my younger son does not miss out because he has no father and no paternal relatives in his life.

My younger daughter and son are avid savers and my 23 year old daughter has no debt of any kind having resisted all forms of credit offered her from the day she turned 18. My son has just under £200 of Savings and intends to add the money he receives for his GCSE's to his savings along with most of his Birthday money. My daughter has a Savings Account and an ISA. :j

Hemera

duchy wrote: »

If someone gave you a gift as an adult and your parent took it from you to give to another sibling - would that be OK -if it wasn't then why is it OK for minors ?

I am an adult and I find no problem with this. Think of circumstances in which the parent who has received the gift on behalf of the child can't afford to just keep the cash, but finds him/herself in need of using it - would you say it should only be used to buy food, clothes or whatever else for the child it was gifted to, and not for the other? My parents did exactly this - used cash gifts towards household expenses.
In a similar situation, one of my family members was gifted a sum of money by her grandparents, meant for her university fund. A few years after, the grandparents meant to do the same for her younger brother, but found themselves in no position to gift him the same amount, so they just split the previous gift and everyone was happy.

tallgirld

If I had 10k worth of cash gifts and my sister only had 5k I would NOT be happy if my mum took some of MY money and gave it to my sister. Nor would I expect her to take any of my sisters money if it was reversed.


Give them what is theirs only!

fizzking

It was accidental that unequal amounts were given but that does not mean you should meddle.
If you want to sow life-long dissent among your children, go ahead.
Nothing divides a family like money grievances.
The "richest" will resent it and the other(s) will not be grateful.
Leave well alone.

Geraldej

As a retired Solicitor, let me just tell you that it would be both morally and legally reprehensible to re-allocate any of the money. Each amount has been given to you in trust for the named beneficiary - and that is it!

lynnbrook23

I believe it would be beneficial to the children to do this, and very unfair of the relatives for making it necessary for you to have to think about this. If you do not do this your children will grow up either with resentment or feelings of inadequacy, whereas if you do share it out equally they will remain friends and feel loved equally, I would do this automatically,