Nice People Thread No. 15, a Cyber Summer

Generali

SingleSue

GDB2222 wrote: »

Aren't we all carp parents? We get lessons in French and Maths at school, even cooking, but never in parenting. I'd be much better at it if I had another go now, as I've had lots of practice. But still carp, just not as carp.

Philip Larkin knew a thing or two about parenting. https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/64716.Philip_Larkin

Yep! My approach was always the muddle through system and hope that I got something right in the process.

Mind you, I went on enough parenting courses before, during and after the boy's diagnosis that I could probably write a book on it. It was only really the last one I went on which was specialised for those with children on the spectrum that really made the difference though as it gave me an understanding of why they would have meltdowns and we as parents swapped tips of what had worked for us in calming things down.

From memory - time outs didn't work, counting upwards leaves a child confused, my tip to the group was to count down, smacking most def does not work with a fair few neither does shouting expletives at them, setting boundaries informing the child in advance and reminding them frequently and then sticking to them does work, setting boundaries and then letting them go over them because it gives a quieter life doesn't, nor does having your boundaries in your mind but not telling the child until they go over them.

Generali

SingleSue wrote: »

From memory - time outs didn't work, counting upwards leaves a child confused, my tip to the group was to count down, smacking most def does not work with a fair few neither does shouting expletives at them, setting boundaries informing the child in advance and reminding them frequently and then sticking to them does work, setting boundaries and then letting them go over them because it gives a quieter life doesn't, nor does having your boundaries in your mind but not telling the child until they go over them.

TBH that's pretty much how we've raised the Generalissimos, who aren't on the spectrum AFAIK, and it works pretty well.

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

Aren't we all carp parents? We get lessons in French and Maths at school, even cooking, but never in parenting. I'd be much better at it if I had another go now, as I've had lots of practice. But still carp, just not as carp.

Philip Larkin knew a thing or two about parenting. https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/64716.Philip_Larkin

My kids tell me things I have done wrong as a parent in the past. I tell them that they will therefore learn from my mistakes and make excellent parents.

michaels

SingleSue wrote: »

And boy have we moved on! Two at uni and one going next year....would never have been possible if we had stayed together.

Financially and career wise it wasn't the best thing but the positives for the boys and for me have far outweighed any financial hardship.

Clearly what happened was the best thing for you and the boys.

I understand how hard it is when both parents do not share the same idea of how their children should be brought up and the compromise options sees ones' children brought up in a way one things is not optimal and not in their best interest.

SingleSue

Generali wrote: »

TBH that's pretty much how we've raised the Generalissimos, who aren't on the spectrum AFAIK, and it works pretty well.

Ah, I meant both those on and not on the spectrum, even those on the spectrum need the no frills basics just like any other child. Describing the different methods for those on the spectrum would fill a whole book rather than a few lines on a forum.

zagubov

GDB2222 wrote: »

Aren't we all carp parents? We get lessons in French and Maths at school, even cooking, but never in parenting. I'd be much better at it if I had another go now, as I've had lots of practice. But still carp, just not as carp.

There's a saying that if we could sell our experience for what it costs us we'd all be millionaires.
As I keep banging on about, when we're trying to bring up our kids, an astonishing number of people barge in with opinions they hold with utter conviction. Trying to find out objectively useful advice is a bit too much like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

On a lighter note:
Multiple generations of the zag family just enjoyed the new Star Trek movie.:D

vivatifosi

I am doing a little experiment if any other NP would like to join me. I'm trying to make £50+ towards my Christmas budget by taking online surveys. So far I've made £12.56 in just over a month. I complete a couple per week for a few minutes at a time and the prices add up. It certainly isn't high paid work, but equally I don't have to get dressed or leave the house and can do it while watching TV.

Why am I doing it? I can afford Christmas and relatives birthdays, but every year I get caught out as I have Christmas and 75% of my family birthdays fall in that one month period. I don't like dipping into savings or sticking stuff on cards and it struck me as a bit of harmless fun.

If anyone else is interested I'll stick up the name of the company that I'm going through (or PM me). Payment with a lot of these things are through Paypal or Amazon vouchers.

Spirit_2

Mr Spirit does all the ironing here, has done for the last 30+years. Starches shirts without fail. If I am forced to iron, it is special ironing, folded and put on top of the aga to knock the creases out.

We spent the weekend in Cornwall at a nephews wedding. Beautiful day and a fun weekend. One of the guests was a young relative who was recently diagnosed as on the spectrum. He found it very difficult to be a wedding guest. His dad is totally frazzled, loves the little chap to bits, never gets a minutes peace though. I will tell him about Sue's boys as it will provide hope. Thanks.

Generali

DQWD:

Breaking news....Mrs Generali has crashed the car into a pile-up on the Federal HIghway between Canberra and Goulburn. She's been released by the hospital and is okay but badly shaken. Car looks like it's a write-off (we were thinking of replacing the car, no plans to replace the wife).