Nice People Thread No. 15, a Cyber Summer

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

FWIW I think you massively over reacted

I don't think that's logical or fair. People react to the same thing differently, depending on their past experience. Even though a particular comment leaves you unphased, it may be massively hurtful to someone else.

I'll just add that to belittle the hurt can be doubly hurtful.

SingleSue

I'm just hopelessly confused, I was obviously in my own little bubble at the time....

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

I don't think that's logical or fair. People react to the same thing differently, depending on their past experience. Even though a particular comment leaves you unphased, it may be massively hurtful to someone else.

I'll just add that to belittle the hurt can be doubly hurtful.

To come back just to give the hurted a reminder is also hurtful.

Doozergirl

In the moment between something happening and our reaction to it is a decision. A lot of the time that decision is an unconscious one. We all work from an emotional and behavioural script that is individual to us.

It is upsetting to think that we might be part of lir being upset, and many of us have acknowledged that in writing.

It would be nice to just have her back without an announcement or a conversation about it, if water can pass under the bridge. Collectively, as Nice People, we have to be nice and yes, we sometimes have to point out to each other when we are not being so nice, but that is the rule we set.

Perhaps *anyone* who has said something which has been acknowledged as upsetting to another Nice Person might like to delete that comment.

And then we will move on, as long as we continue to point out respectfully the things that might be upsetting and people continue to delete the stuff that upsets.

We are successsful in this for 14 threads and lord knows how many years now of a mutual connection, despite being very different people IRL.

We are all free to choose whether to participate or not. What I would say is that we can leave the tribe without announcing it and probably come back without announcing it too. We don't have to hurt other people in the process of being hurt, and I am not talking about one person, but collectively. This isn't a competition of who was hurt first.

Doozergirl

I edited my post to take out the suggestion of deleting that which 'might be' upsetting as I feared that PN would start to panic and delete everything she's ever written and we'll be topping up every previous thread for eternity.

If each of us is good enough to say what might be upsetting, then people will know what to delete. I have genuinely always taken people deleting stuff to be a means of apology.

Doozergirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

I mostly delete pointless stuff and boring stuff. Stuff of the moment. eg. "BBC2 now, programme about ...." or "It's sunny here".

And I delete personal stuff, prefixed with "Don't quote, will delete".

I also delete long/rambling/dull posts.

And then there's not much left.

Your posts directing us to TV are great. I like being told to watch stuff as I can rarely be bothered to find out for myself if something is good.

I used to love your running commentaries of Property Ladder back when the boards were one and Property Ladder threads were pages long

PasturesNew

Doozergirl wrote: »

Your posts directing us to TV are great. I like being told to watch stuff as I can rarely be bothered to find out for myself if something is good.

I used to love your running commentaries of Property Ladder back when the boards were one and Property Ladder threads were pages long

I'll stop feeling guilty/pointless for posting random TV stuff then

Back then, things were a bit "more exciting". Now those shows are pretty dull.

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

We miss you on here, it is a shame that difference of opinion made you re-evaluate your involvement with the thread. FWIW I think you massively over reacted, they are entitled to their views as much as you are to yours.

It is a bigger shame that what you posted has made lots of regulars feel the need to try and recall if it is what they said that upset you. Would have been nicer for you to just pass through and say hi, rather than dredge up old business.:(

Who are 'they' ? I said clearly it was NO one person. I meant that.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but I feel differently. Perhaps if people are more conscious in action they can be less hurtful.

As I didn't raise my grievances and they were misinterpreted I don't see how you can truly judge whether my reaction was proportionate or not. However, I respect that at least you are speaking your mind.

lostinrates

GDB2222 wrote: »

I don't think that's logical or fair. People react to the same thing differently, depending on their past experience. Even though a particular comment leaves you unphased, it may be massively hurtful to someone else.

I'll just add that to belittle the hurt can be doubly hurtful.

I don't feel belittled, its ok.:). Its not what happened, though it was clear some were seeing it that way. Perhaps almost wilfully . I appreciate the comment though.

The reason I raised it was people were saying 'good to have you back etc' and it felt dishonest to nod and say nothing when I know I am just passing through. Of course people are entitled to their opinions!

I don't think saying I'm not staying, why, but I wish everyone well and still have love for everyone I loved is really that unpleasant!

How about this' its not you its me?' I felt that with fresh eyes it felt I was feeling my presence was not appropriate and some situations felt insincere and it made me feel uncomfortable and the only side of a situation one can control is one's own, so I decided to step out. Is that more comfortable?

HAMISH_MCTAVISH

Hi LIR - good to see you pop in. :wave: