A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

enthusiasticsaver

I am another who moved out of the South East London area, v affluent but once we had our two children we could not afford a bigger house without me going back to work and this was in late 80s/90s. However we were lucky in that our children were v small and hubby was offered a transfer by his company down to South West. For the price of a 2 bed terraced house in London we managed to get 4 bed detached in Cornwall. Life changing decision as we were moving away from family and friends but best we ever made.

Now your circumstances are different in that your area of work seems to be more in demand in affluent areas and your children are all in good schools they like. Maybe though at some point in the future when your children are through the secondary school phase and you are looking to buy a house that could be an option.

matchboxfull

This relocation stuff is such an emotive subject, isn't it. For good reason.

Like you, FT, two of mine are in secondary school. When they were younger we relocated a couple of times. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't too bad either. Now that they are in secondary I must admit that it would take something very, very serious for me to move them. I know that children adapt, but, especially once they've started those GCSE courses, it's a real big ask.

That's not to say, of course, that people don't make it work relocating. Some families do. And for some it's the best decision they'll make. But I completely understand your reluctance.

Maybe you'll find that, when you look at your ten-year plan, or whatever, there is a natural break-point where you could see yourselves relocating, perhaps in order to afford to purchase a house. Perhaps your older children will have been through secondary before your youngest starts and you can think about moving then?

I really hope that you find a nice, affordable house close to where you are now. There's such a lot going on for you at the moment. It must be completely overwhelming. I wish your husband would start showing you some support.

asparagus1968

Hi FT, you are doing well, don't forget how much you have got done since you started your thread over on DFW!


Just a thought re house-could you manage a three bedder with a separate dining room which could be changed into a bedroom? would be cheaper I guess, and there may be more options for you in your chosen area?


keep plodding on love, you are getting there

pelirocco

You posted an SOA. At the beginning that showed you were just over £1800 per month short to meet your outgoings , have you managed to shave all this off ?

I think we all understand how difficult it will be to uproot children, but it's easier when you have choices rather then when it's forced on you is all we are saying.

I find it hard to comprehend how the professional skills you have spent the last 8 years working towards are only in demand where you are living now........considering you must have started working on them while living in a different country

elegant_elephant

Ah, FW, I've been reading this diary over the last few days and you sound like you have a lot to overcome. There's been an awful lot of constructive advice given by other posters so I won't offer any but in support of you keeping the children in their current schools I would agree with you one hundred percent.

As a child I had to move schools because my parents moved areas many times. I ended up going to three different primaries and three different comps, one move occurred three months before my GCSEs and I had to stay behind with relatives and only see my parents on weekends. My parents were doing the right thing for them but it was disastrous for me, I have disagreed with my Mum many times since then because she has this "children always bounce back attitude" and still can't accept that actually, some children don't.

I think that we all have different opinions, different circumstances and different levels of how much crap we can take. You've done so well up to now and you have a fab style of writing so please keep up with both the debt busting and diary writing:)

And I totally sympathise with the DH situation, mine huffed and puffed for a good forty minutes when I asked him to get a new insurance quote for his car! To echo other posters: baby steps:D:D

Forward_thinking

Evening! Or should I say morning! Just spent the last four hours ironing!!!! It's my own fault - I haven't picked up the iron for two weeks. Almost there - just 6 work shirts and 6 school shirts to do tomorrow. Had a nice day - we all went to the cinema first thing - it's a special deal for £9 for all of us - can't complain.

We are looking at another car tomorrow - it's a 53 reg and quite cheap so hopefully will fit the bill. Many thanks for all the posts - I really need to go to bed as the little one will be waking up in just over four hours. But I appreciate all the thoughts and suggestions. Had another chat with OH tonight - he still maintains that moving out of the area would be foolhardy as we are settled for the first time ever. As usual, his response was just that we need to work harder and get the money in. His philosophy is that once you get to 200k everything gets easy. He has now pretty much finalised a new contract to go up to almost 150k so he says with me working it should be doable and then everything will fall into place. No need to comment on that one. I agree with you all. I need to teach him the importance of money so we don't waste our future earnings. Having said that, he also has a point - if we can get in 200k that is a ridiculous amount of money and should be able to help us sort out this crazy mess. It's a privileged position to be in.

Good night (good morning!)

ani*fan

Hi there Forward thinking :hello:

I've spent the last few days reading your diary and didn't want to just read and run, although I can see you have lots of people on here sharing thoughts and giving advice so I'll try to keep it short.

I have admired your effort and sympathise with the struggles of your learning process. I believe none of us are adequately taught the true value of things so when that lightbulb starts flickering, it can be one hell of a shock. You only started this diary a month ago, one month, so a massive pat on the back for all the changes you've made already and for dragging OH kicking and screaming along with you. You're both getting there, probably hard to see from inside the situation but it comes through in your writing. Keep going.

I was a bit surprised by some of the comments about your possible house move and the change in tone from your supporters on here. I don't believe that anything you're doing is 'madness' (or whatever similar word was used). You're considering your children and I agree with the posters who say that children do not respond well to lots of change including a house move far away from their friends and schools. Some manage better than others with change like this but it's a stress they could do without. To keep your children's needs at the front of your mind in the middle of this is truly admirable. You could be in a crisis, flapping and panicking, but you're not. You're sitting tight and trying to think things through as best you can. Keep doing that. We need to remember it's only been a month. If you are still not able to be solvent after you've been at this a while then maybe reconsider your strategy but right now, I think you're doing great.

Everyone on here has the potential to do well and with your husband's high wage, your family has more potential than most. No wonder you're not ready to throw in the towel and move away from your area when it seems as though you're very close to a solution and you know exactly what to do. Debt repayments need to reduce drastically and car repayments too, and you're onto both of those things. It's not time for you to admit defeat, uproot your kids and head off to some suburb you don't like. That time might come, but it's not now.

Anyway, I've said I'll keep it short and I've already written an essay here so... best of luck, and I will follow your progress with interest.

AFx

getmore4less

What happened to the £200 pd rise?

edit:

On £120k he should be able to generate around £8kpm and still have no problem with taxes.

Doobop

Hello! I have been reading your diary today and yesterday - wow you have done so much in such a short space of time, you are making such a difference to your finances, well done. Just one thing I wanted to mention, make sure you still have a bit of time with OH where you're not talking money - for you it's such a big thing you're thinking about, he is needing a bit more time to get his head round things. Try a day or two a week where you don't mention money unless he asks, make sure you do something together - even just watching a film. Your relationship isn't all about the finances, even though it's such a big thing to get sorted. You may think things aren't moving as quick as you like - but in 3 weeks OH seems to be sorting out the interest on his credit cards, looking at getting rid of the hire car and has started going to Lidl. Good on him! Yes, he hasn't done great in the past - same for most of us here, but he is making changes. Well done to both of you.

getmore4less

As your business is nearly there have you sorted out you status, Ltd, self employed etc and got your liability insurance if needed.

Also remember that if you are going to have business clients come to your house that may require approval of the landlord and in some cases planning permission as well as you doing a Health and safety check.