A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

Forward_thinking

Ha ha. Just had a sneaky peak on here and laughed out loud three times - particularly loudly at the last minute flight from Luton at 5am. I have a new keyboard - £9 on Amazon. It's perfect and I can get working again. Time to tidy up, cook and see you later for a catch up. Thanks for making me smile.

brizzledfw

Sanctioned_Parts_List wrote: »

Evening FT - finally caught up! I was only gone a week and the thread ballooned from 8 pages to almost 30 and still growing!

Bad luck about the house move - not what you need right now. I do understand the reluctance to move further afield due to schools (and I do fully sympathise with the "getting the kids into schools" thing - we've moved countries a couple of times recently, and of all countries, I think England's bureaucracy around school admissions is the worst!) Only thing I'd add to CCL's posts is that, if memory serves, years 7 and 8 are largely taken up with filling in the gaps left by primary school to provide a common foundation for year 9 SATs and GCSEs, with little added value. So a move in the first 2 years of secondary school isn't the end of the world, educationally.

When you set your mind to something, you certainly go all out, don't you? I think this whole process will be a reinvention for you, personally as well as for the whole family.

A sketch of the future - entirely in jest, as I'm not going to tell you what you already know you need to do. Here goes:

In the next month the changes you've made already will bed in and become the new normal.

In two months you'll finally get to grips with the variability of your accounts - meanwhile you'll start taking paying clients for your new business and growing your income. You'll only tell OH about 50% of your income until tax return season in December, as this will form the basis of your emergency fund.

In 3 months, OH will start transferring regular sums just to make your life easier - three months is in the Man Manual for when he can officially claim your ideas as his own. (Volume 2, section 5, clause 18, for those men who want to check )

In 5 months your resolve will waver, when on a delayed Thomson package holiday flight from Luton at 5am.

In 6 months you will have taken a visible chunk out of your debts and start to feel that all this might just be worth it.

In 7 months you'll start spotting the signs that your friends and acquaintances are also swimming in the deep end of the debt pool. You'll have a delicately-phrased conversation with a similarly-challenged friend over drinks, and be hailed as a saviour.

In 8 months, your kids will go trick-or-treating with Exocet-level accuracy, and come back with a year's supply of candy, saving your snacks budget even while it increases your dental bill.

In 9 months, nothing will happen. November is a boring month.

In 10 months, Christmas Eve, your smaller pile of presents will have been selected much more thoughtfully and be loved far more than the big ticket gewgaws of yesteryear.

This time next year you will get impatient with a new DFW who just "doesn't get it" and isn't cutting back fast enough - we all do it

:beer:

Awesome.
I think I might just have to print this out and keep it nailed to a prominent cupboard door :rotfl::T:T

Forward_thinking

Evening!!! I'm back : ))) Let's try out this new keyboard - hmm, it's a bit noisy which will be interesting as little one lays beside me.

I had a few bad days and fell down but I'm back again fighting and raring to go. I hadn't been sleeping well or looking after myself but have made sure I am eating better in the last day or so and getting a little more sleep. Unfortunately, I am a night owl who always regrets it in the morning.

So....where are we? Not really that much further but the fact that I have picked myself up is a victory in its own right. I really wondered if I could get past everything - no money, no car, no house, no stability, no healthy relationship, deteoriating health. So I will simply celebrate the fact that I'm back with gusto.

We are definitely spending far less on the groceries and OH has definitely made an effort. I gave him a good telling off when he went into Waitrose after having his £40 hair cut. He claimed everything was reduced but even so, reduced in Waitrose is nothing to get excited about. I haven't been tracking the budget - it was difficult starting in the middle of the month so in some ways I am willing on March so I can start properly. I have mentioned to OH several times that next month it would be great to have one or possibly two payments rather than drip feeding. He claimed that it doesn't work like that; he just pays the cards off as they accumulate i.e.. just spend and pay off. I explained that I am not wanting to live like this i.e.. always living in the past and that I want to try and start looking forward - to be able to put just a little away for that car emergency, the Xmas gifts etc. I think I saw a glimmer of understanding as he went quiet for a moment and said if it helped my health then fine. Sanctioned - I guess I'll expect that transition in three months time then : ))

Have to give it to OH though on the car front. He has travelled three times quite considerable distances to traders to look at cars. And at last we have bought one today. It wasn't my first choice and to be honest, I was tempted to wait and drag him to another later this week. But I didn't want to push my luck too far - he agreed to buy an old car to act as the family car and so we have gone for it!!!!!!!! So that's definitely progress.

Nothing on the house front yet. I have been told several times that we actually have a good deal at the moment and most houses suitable to accommodate us will be £2500 a month as opposed to £2200. Having said that, there is absolutely nothing at the moment which is worrying as we only have a few weeks left. I know they can't throw us out but I would prefer to go happily so we can easily rent in the future and of course, they would keep the whole £3k deposit if we stay. I did book a house to look at yesterday - it was £1600 and described as student housing. OH wouldn't even get out of the car and told me there was no way he was going to go inside. It was really awful, dirty and totally depressing and I am not sure I could have taken it regardless of being so much cheaper. OH would prefer to move out about 20 minutes away but my life would get extremely complicated as I am forever jumping in the car to collect the children from various clubs. Something will happen - it has to!!

I'm still procrastinating through subconscious trepidation on the work front. I have booked in two friends free of charge to necessitate getting my books out and resources ready. They have sat in my cupboard for too long. I am hoping this will kick start my self belief again - not an easy thing to overcome. I spoke to a respected professional in my field tonight who really liked one of my ideas - can't expand but she thought it was a unique concept that would prove very popular in this area.

Right, off to bed to keep my spirits up. Sleep deprivation really is not good when you are trying to keep going against the odds.

Speak soon.

lynnejk

Hiya FT


Great to 'see' you back and fully understand you needing to take a break. Btw, I'm a night owl as well and know what you mean. I fully agree with you about eating properly, otherwise it will all collapse - plenty of fresh fruit and veg etc is important.


Re grocery spending. You have said that you are raring to go with a budget for this for March. Great and have you thought about making a meal plan for the month to help with making shopping lists, allowing for what you already have in stock of course.


I see you are still trying for regular inputs from your DH and it seems he might be moving towards this. That's fantastic as it will certainly help you with your efforts at budgeting, but see you are not holding your breath with it happening next week. That's good in itself that you are taking it more calmly.


Brilliant news re the car. What did you manage to get in the end and when will you actually have it ?


Sorry that you haven't managed to find anything suitable on the housing front. I'm keeping my fingers xd that something will turn up for you. You might have to accept something on a pro-tem base, even if it's not what you want, until something suitable turns up, if your current landlord still wants you out quickly.


Finally, good luck with the toe in the water for your new venture and hope it goes forward well for you.


'Night and sleep well
Lx

Forward_thinking

Thanks Lynnejk - so much for the early night. I am doing the Life in Half a Second challenge at the moment (so recommend this guy's book!) and I got distracted watching some of his videos. Yes, we will sit down and do a food budget together this weekend - we have been doing this a little more but it needs a lot more tweaking. We put down a deposit on a galaxy - it was between that and a Sharan but I found the latter too boxy. I'm dreading driving it as I don't particularly like driving; I would have preferred an S Max but we decided it just wasn't big enough for us all. So the galaxy is a good compromise.

Right, off to bed. Take two.

getmore4less

Good to see you back on your feet hubby is moving in the right direction if he is reduced price shopping same stuff cheaper makes a massive difference.

We have every supermarket in our town(2 of some) and Waitrose has the best discounts by far.
OH found M&S was best for flowers getting a few bunches a week for <£1 yesterday W. came up trumps with roses 30p.
(guess hubby missed them)

Car: You were in get any that looks ok mode, £600+ per month saved
1/2 of that takes the rent upto £2500. The other 1/2 save for repairs/a better one the right colour later.

This is not a car for life its a save 600pm car

Elephant in the room : Still don't know how much money there is to spend in march, does not matter if it comes all at once or a bit at a time just need to know how much for YNAB in march.(he should know this)

They can't keep the deposit if you stay (it is protected?) it is not ideal but if you don't find something if you do but it won't be ready you can give notice so check what that is default is one month on a periodic AST.


Have you looked at waste that is often another easy saving stop throwing stuff out.

mumtoomany

Hooray! Your back, your back, your back! ( this should be read in the voice of Jessie from Toy Story 2) So glad you're feeling better. You will get there in the end. Budget is getting sorted, cards being paid off, car bought. If the worst comes to the worst with the house, we will have space in the barn by the end of March,( after the lambs are born) A very long commute though! Keep going, one bite at a time. M2m.

thegreenone

Wonderful news on the car! I'm so pleased for you that it's sorted. Bring on the house!


My DH pays himself every Friday (he gets paid the Saturday before - odd, I know), a set amount for 52 weeks a year into my bank account and I distribute as necessary. Even though he only works 48'ish, he keeps some back to cover these holiday weeks plus HMRC et al. Would hubby consider it, so you can budget more easily. Make sure it's a faster payment though. Hang on, it's Friday .....


Loved SPL's post. OMG 3 months, Man Manual So true in this house.

pelirocco

getmore4less wrote: »

Good to see you back on your feet hubby is moving in the right direction if he is reduced price shopping same stuff cheaper makes a massive difference.

We have every supermarket in our town(2 of some) and Waitrose has the best discounts by far.
OH found M&S was best for flowers getting a few bunches a week for <£1 yesterday W. came up trumps with roses 30p.
(guess hubby missed them)

Car: You were in get any that looks ok mode, £600+ per month saved
1/2 of that takes the rent upto £2500. The other 1/2 save for repairs/a better one the right colour later.

This is not a car for life its a save 600pm car

Elephant in the room : Still don't know how much money there is to spend in march, does not matter if it comes all at once or a bit at a time just need to know how much for YNAB in march.(he should know this)

They can't keep the deposit if you stay (it is protected?) it is not ideal but if you don't find something if you do but it won't be ready you can give notice so check what that is default is one month on a periodic AST.


Have you looked at waste that is often another easy saving stop throwing stuff out.

The saving on the hired car was to cut the overspending ?

Lasttimer

Hiya. Just read through your whole diary. I wanted to say you go girl. You are kicking this thing in the butt.

A few years ago we were in a similar situation and I felt like I was dealing with it on my own. My husband had "protected me" from a seriously massive amount of debt which I discovered bit by bit until I got the full picture. Finally and after much going on about it, I managed to get him on board. Now he is the one driving the monthly budget and trying everywhere he can to save us money. How things change.. We are now debt free. I'll bet there's a lot going on inside your hubbys mind that you don't even know about- he is changing. You will get there and you will be debt free maybe even sooner than you expect.
Best wishes. Keep up the good work.