A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

Forward_thinking

Ah, thanks Lasttimer - really appreciate your encouraging post!! Feeling a little downbeat - looked at two houses this morning - one only had 3 bedrooms which might have worked but they were tiny. The other one had four bedrooms but was on the other side of town - it took us 45 minutes to do a 10 minute journey with the Saturday traffic. It would be even worse on a school day. It's just not going to be sustainable when I have the children at three different school locations. OH just says "I told you so". He claims he will now make it easier for me and just let me be totally in charge and he will just move in to wherever I choose. Not sure how that is easier - I need someone on my side.

I just feel there is so much going on at the moment - and it's draining me. I just have so much to do and keep bouncing back up and then falling back down. I don't really have much to report today - will be back with better news soon : ))

getmore4less

Forward_thinking wrote: »

He claims he will now make it easier for me and just let me be totally in charge and he will just move in to wherever I choose. Not sure how that is easier - I need someone on my side

What you need to know is how much money is really available to run the house include paying the rent

You could use some of the £1200pm that he has been throwing away on a car and interest for 2 years to find somewhere nice.

maybe you can find a 3bed house with a studio flat next door

crazy_cat_lady

Be kind to yourself FT - you're going through massive changes at the moment and you're taking it all on the chin and doing the best that you can. It's a stressful time at best and you can't expect to feel the love all of the time. I stress about anything and everything. There are good days and bad days, and if you're anything like me then you just want things sorted right now. Let it ride through and just survive as best you can when it's not feeling so good.

Lasttimer

you will get there. Emotions are running high for you and hubby right now- sometimes we say things we don't mean. Every day is still a step closer to getting this all sorted. Even if it doesn't feel like it. Chin up xx

scotdebs

Hi FW nothing much to add other than to say you are doing so well and have been dealing with a couple of decisions..... what car - where to live - which on their own are pretty stressful events to manage without throwing in the whole debt, money, reluctance of OH to be open and honest about the finances - as CCL said be kind to yourself you are juggling a lot of balls

Forward_thinking

Evening everyone!! Thanks for the kind posts. Just jumped out of the bath and so am feeling a little more refreshed. I caught sight of myself in the mirror - I seem to have aged about 10 years in the last few weeks. I look gaunt, tired, lifeless, old and worn. I've just set myself some big goals and one is to spend more time on my appearance, the others all revolve around paying off our debt and buying a house one day.

Still having interesting times. I feel dreadful but I took it out on OH at the weekend and in the heat of the moment told him I wanted us to separate and that I haven't felt happy for years. I have no idea why I said it, it's completely untrue. I just need to feel I am not alone in all this and we are still in separate bedrooms because of the kids and I can't remember the last time we even had a hug. Life is just so busy. We get on great but don't seem to have a relationship at the moment. There's no money to go out together and we are just spending all our time trying to sort out all this mess. I feel really guilty - it was simply said in anger and bitterness. He just turned around and told me he is really happy with 'us' and that he doesn't think there are any problems. I told him I need more affection and he turned around and told me I wasn't a 'toy'. Great!! Having said that, after how I spoke to him I can't believe how kind he was to me - made me tea, ran me a bath, said goodnight. I think I would have thrown all my toys out the pram if he had said the same things to me. We seem to be back on track tonight but after what I said to him I daren't go up to him and give him a hug and say sorry - I was too mean and can't take those words back. Anyway, this is a money diary - not a counselling source.

So how are things this end? Bad but I am trusting the universe : )))) We have looked at houses the other side of town but everyone keeps telling me not to do it - that I will regret it and I will spend all my life in the car trying to get to school and clubs. A ten minute journey apparently can take up to an hour at school time. We have also looked at the other side of town which wouldn't be so bad but we would still be looking at driving in for about 17 minutes each way. That's fine for just the school runs but I will soon have four schools to get to when little one starts nursery and I am working. Add to that the school clubs various children go to which start around 5pm for an hour and I just don't see how I can do that!!! Although there are some nicer houses that way and they are a lot cheaper over the other side of town I think we would be better staying close to school and living in a pretty awful place. No option is perfect and we only have a few weeks now to be out of here.

The car is great and I am really pleased. OH is also really pleased which is great. I had a really tricky phone call this afternoon. I have been waiting for a space for the children to go swimming for 18 months and one has come up for all the children together. It's £100 monthly in total for all of them to go once a week with the instructors who are usually impossible to get. I have said 'yes' but am now working out what needs to go. I almost called the ironer today after staying up until 1.30am this morning and still having a huge pile of shirts to do. But after the call about swimming I resisted - we usually pay £100 a month which is the same price. Not that that means we can afford the swimming because of the ironing - that had to go anyway. One of the children was so happy when I told her she leapt up and kissed me in front of all her friends when I told her at pick up.

Nothing on the work front but that's my fault still. I still haven't got out there getting business. It's really hard getting clients. I seem to now be working for friends free of charge which is great but not really the idea. This is the next thing I need to crack and soon.

Dreading leaving this house. My baby was born in here not so long ago and I have some wonderful memories. My daughter has also been worrying about it and really doesn't want to leave her bedroom. She really loves this house. It would be great to be able to 'pep' her up and talk about our new house but there isn't one.

OH keeps telling me things will get better soon. I really hope they do. I'm tired and anxious and am worried about making myself ill. I have always worried about my health but have been fine for a long time. I really hope this doesn't bring back my health worries. My sister died when I was a little girl and I know that is the source of my health worries. What a cheerful read this makes tonight.

Right, lots to do tonight. Another hour of ironing, some admin, look for a house, get YNAB ready for a lovely blank screen tomorrow : )) And I have a little one sitting here beside me who slept late and now wants me to play. Of course life is going to get better - it has to, right??

Apologies for this sounding rather depressing. I'm not actually down - just a bit daunted about the uphill journey about to descend upon us all.

Just think how great this diary will be and how inspiring it will be to others though when we are out the other side and thriving : ))

Apologies for any spelling errors - I need to be productive with my time and proof-reading is de-prioritised to the ironing pile.

brizzledfw

Keep going. You're doing brilliantly on so many fronts..

I rather think you'll get a stroke of luck about the house move soon. Honest. Just a feeling I have.

Take care

X

Happymac

Get stuck into that ironing girl, an empty ironing pile can give loads of motivation and a sense of accomplishment! I iron with a notepad at the side, lots of things pop in to my head and I jot them down. I feel like I get two jobs done at once!

Forward_thinking

Ha! I'm still stuck with a baby full of beans and chewing on me!!! It's going to be a late one. Perhaps I could hold little one and iron with one arm! Brizzled - I like your optimism. Hope you're right.

greensalad

Forward_thinking wrote: »

A ten minute journey apparently can take up to an hour at school time.

Ten minutes in the car. So about 30-40 minutes walking then? Why not walk? I presume your older ones can walk themselves. Get the younger kids some of those scooters. I see a lot of parents on the morning school run with them.