A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

ellen_vannin

I agree you have done really well so far.

When you have moved which is the main priority at the mo
You can concentrate on the bigger probs

First the cards to O %
Car - owned
Then getting work and saving for a deposit.

You have accomplished lots so far and posters are really trying to help with many suggestions , some you can disregard as not being right for you and others action straight away.

lynnejk

Hiya FT


Hang in there and stay strong. You've done really well so far and it can only get better as the saying goes.


Now I know you are going to throw a brick wall at me but it's only a suggestion and I've already had a look at the possibilities of this suggestion.


I don't know where you live atm, but it sounds like it's in a nice area close to London. I know your DH often works from home but has to go to work (central London ???) some days. You also have children, most in school but one at home.


Now - deep breath - how about moving somewhere else ??


I used to live, and went to school in Bedford. It's a lovely town and has much going for it. It has a river and lots of weekly markets.


If you look on Rightmove there's some really lovely property atm up to £1500 a month. One is four double beds etc etc and with a large garden (maintained by landlord) in a fabulous area close to town and rail station. I think it looks fabulous.


You can get to central London by train (electric now) in under an hour, so DH could easily travel in the days he needs to and maybe it would be more relaxing than the drive. He wouldn't then need the second car.


There are loads of great schools in Bedford, including grammar schools.


Once settled there and you have saved a deposit, the houses are so much cheaper than inside the M25, so much more for your money.


I know, honestly I do, that you don't want to move the children from the schools they are at presently. However, what if you can't find another property in your area that you can afford ? You would then have to move them anyway. Also, I moved school five times and it really isn't that difficult to find/make new friends.


It would give you all a new start and I'm sure you are strong enough to make it all happen.


Please at least consider it. You could find a house you all like and therefore not feel you are living somewhere just because you had to grab what you could.


I have a broad back so if you want to tell me to take a running ...... it won't matter, but I do think that maybe this is the opportunity to look outside the box.


Good luck going forward
Lx

Forward_thinking

Evening!!! Or should I say morning!!! I seem to have spent the evening trying to get lots done and consequently doing nothing. I have floated between looking for houses, looking for cars, updating my facebook business page, having a quick look at the bank accounts, reading a chapter of a work-related book, looking at the ironing board and massive pile of clothes - and that's about it.

Actually, I have just spent the last half hour looking at Bedford and properties on Right Move. Lynnejk - thanks for posting that; kind of you to think outside of the box for me. I have to say the prices of houses that way are amazing!! Around here an okish 4 bed house is about 550k at least. The properties were enough for me to start researching Bedford as a place which put me off - rightly or wrongly. I haven't been there so can't comment. I did mention the word Bedford to OH as he walked off to bed - he looked at me as though I was in need of some sleep! I'm determined to keep us here. We are all really happy here and the area is lovely. However, I will keep an open mind to the fact that perhaps one day we may need to leave if we are to ever own our own home.

Right, off to bed. I have to admit I am struggling to sleep at the moment as there is so much to do:

- find a house SOON!
- find a car SOON!
- find some work SOON!
- start sorting the house out
- get the budget sorted
- get the cards to 0%
- get our relationship sorted.

Not good times but that means it has to get better. I know that won't happen on its own.

Up in a few hours. I have done absolutely nothing with the children this half term - we have been nowhere. I have booked the cinema for 10am as it only costs £9 for us all. Kids aren't happy as we usually get pick 'n mix but last time it cost £16 with popcorn and drinks so we are not getting anything there to eat. Going to try and get up early enough to pop in the shop on the way and get some sweets to share. Good night all and sorry for being grumpy tonight. Everything got the better of me tonight Getmore, particularly, you've been so good to me - I'm sorry I was grumpy.

Chrysalis1976

Ah Bedford, my home town, I live in Wales now but still have family there!

Lovely countryside, good train links into London, reasonable property prices.

C x

getmore4less

Grumpy is lightweight, you should see how some people go off on one.

There is a lot going on but the underlying issue that contributes to the stress on everything is you still don't know how much money there is to play with.

THAT SHOULD BE TOP OF THE LIST. not 5th

Pepperoni

I've been following you since the beginning and whilst you seem to have made some great progress in some places, I'm banging my head against the wall with your attitude regarding the house move.

You don't even know what amount of debt you are in yet, so you don't actually know what you can and cannot afford, yet you're still not moving out of an extremely expensive area. It's insane. Your priorities should be working out your exact debt and then working out, realistically, how much you can afford to pay on rent so that you can still clear your debts. I'm not sure you're thinking of the 'what if' enough, if your husband doesn't get another contract, and you can't afford to keep up with the rent / debt payments etc.... You're going to end up having to go bankrupt, IMHO, and then what? The choice won't be in your hands anymore. You're trying to protect your children (not moving schools etc) but to me, as an outsider, I'm afraid you're actually doing the exact opposite without meaning to.

Completely agree with others that you've definitely not had your lightbulb moment. Those that have would be all over this and making sure it contributed positively (and probably massively) to their debt!

Pepperoni

Oh also - your private health insurance. What happened? You phoned to cancel, they instead didn't cancel and reduced the payment, but you still haven't cancelled it. You made the decision to cancel it, hence that first phone call... how much would that save you per month? Whilst your in debt my view is that the money you're using for private health is actually borrowed money.

brizzledfw

Dropping by FT - keep strong and don't worry re big adventures for half term. Some relaxing TV time, cards, board games and made up stuff would all be suitable. Don't structure the time too much. Sounds like you're pretty active with them all during term time - play dates clubs etc so give that all a rest. And so yourself too. Have lie ins (where you can) or then sleep when baby sleeps.

I understand why people are being stern - but sounds like it's overwhelming. Understandable but remember it's your life and this is only advice on here (and we don't know you in RL too) and so you need to pick and choose

X

brizzledfw

Bedford, Milton Keynes etc.. All extremely commutable.

Tbh even where I live is only 1hr30 into town. Coming down soon too with electrification. Pricey ticket but house prices much less. It's really worth widening your net when you do decide to buy. I am also a contractor and I would certainly consider working in London - used to spend at last 2 days a week up there anyway. It is basically a question of attitude and sucking it up for a better overall solution. Not sure that your OH is in that place yet - but many many contractors are, they have to be as the big contracts and opps are in the big smoke and guys like me all live a train journey away

Forward_thinking

Afternoon. May I point out that taking three children out of school when one has just started at an excellent secondary school they love and another is due to start at in September is not as straight forward as it sounds on paper. After getting home I had all children in different schools all over the place and they were all dreadful. I now have three children in various schools that are all Ofsted outstanding and schools that are excellent which they love. Two are to be in secondary schools by September which they can't miss out on - it is a pivotal time in their education. So I move them out and we move off to another area - does that really help the logistics of our problems? Ok, so the bricks above our head are now cheaper but I am then left with trying to mop up the mess of seeing which schools can be allocated to the children (regardless of what they are like). With the new logistics it will then be high likely that the children will be at home for a long period of time with me needing to home-educate them and with no friends or family who can help out with school pick-ups. I am therefore unlikely to be able to work as I will need to stay at home. Depending on where we then live OH may or may not need to stay away for part of the week; if he did, that incorporates hotel bills and either way train fares will be extortionate. At the moment he can drive to work in just over half an hour. The area we currently live in is also affluent (as you have guessed) and will also be receptive to the work I offer - I would not get the same demand I am likely to get here. Friends in my area of work are extremely busy; others who have moved away are not and are struggling. On top of all these logistics, and the fact that I would have three very sad children, I also have a partner who has absolutely no intention of leaving.

So it's not as easy as you all seem to perceive. Yes, I agree we need to keep track of the money situation ridiculously closely. I am doing this; we are now on budget - at least on paper - and theoretically we should have a little over each month to pay extra on our debts. I know that is likely to get absorbed in costs we haven't allocated for though. I now know all our direct debits and costs in great detail. I have made so many cut backs. I know this isn't enough. But to just suggest that we should be able to pack our bags and run off into the sunset in Cheapsville is just not practical or realistic. Getting a cheaper, smaller house near to where we live is practical and realistic. And that is what I am trying to do. On my own I might point out!!! I actually feel I am having to defend myself against OH and am now coming on here to write a diary of my personal feelings and even this is becoming another source of frustration. I am on my own totally - no-one knows what I am going through and coming on here is supposed to be a release, is it not?