A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

brizzledfw

Um. Was trying to be supportive. I posted twice.

Post re commute/moving area was if you decide to buy not rent. Assume that's a while off when your kids will be in a different place school wise - may even have left home.

Have a good day

Chrysalis1976

:grouphug: sending you a dodgy hug, it's hard going sorting all this stuff out, I do think that everyone posting is being supportive but sometimes it comes over as being critical.

Only you and you dh can decide what's best for your family, yes moving to a different town may save money but is it worth it if everyone is miserable. Life is too short, OK there are worst case scenarios what if.... but isn't that the same for everyone?

Keep writing and keep going, you have lots of people wishing you well.

C x

jayII

Making choices around our children's education versus debt/house/savings, is a very personal issue, so I agree that only you know what is best for your situation and your children. My OH and I chose to pay for private schools, at huge personal cost, because the schools in our area were dire (we lived in Bristol, hopefully the schools have improved in the last 5-10 years). We don't regret a single penny that we spent on schooling--nothing is more important than our children's happiness and helping them to reach their full potential.

If you are very determined and are willing to work hard and make enough sacrifices in other areas, then you should be able to stay in the area you are in. Maybe work out exactly what the difference in monthly rent will be, between the cheaper area and your current area, then work out how you are going to earn or save that extra money each month.

Forward_thinking

Brizzled - just going out but wanted to point out that you have been brilliant!!! Thank you!!! I got the impression you thought I was having a grump at you. I really wasn't. Actually, I was having a grump at the whole world! : ))

getmore4less

OK we can go with that parameter the kids are not changing schools.

It knock out some options but does give some focus and there are still options that can make things work with the right set of comprimises.

If finding a place is difficult and up against a deadline then pick something that you will move out of again 6month/12month depending on AST.
That gives you more time to keep looking to find the right place during the rest of 2016 with less pressure and hopefully at some point a real budget based on the other goals of fixing the tax and debts.

If that place is also cheap(relatively) it moves the other financial goals in the right direction faster as well.

Don't make the mistake you did last time was get something you did not like then stop looking have a break but do keep an eye out on the market.

This temp move might mean further out, less desirable, more travel, something has to give if the more ideal places are not there.

Kittencat

To be honest FT if it was me I would keep looking for a house in the area and just cut back like you have been. You have only recently started this journey so you haven't had time to see what you have done so far.

Keep up your good work, your attitude to money has changed and thats a really good start. When you start to earn it will get easier and when the youngest is in school it will be even better, so don't move area if you don't want to because in the next few years you will be paying lots off this debt.

Stay positive and strong girl........YOU CAN DO THIS!!

enthusiasticsaver

I can tell from the tone of your last post that you are finding this overwhelming unsurprisingly. You have a lot to cope with and from the times of some of your posts you are not getting much sleep which can make everything seem much worse.

Dealing with the burden of debt is a long slog and you have made a lot of decisions and changes in a short time presumably with opposition all the way from OH. Lots of people have suggested changes but no one here knows your real position so for your sanity, skip past the ones you are not prepared to consider as you do not need to defend yourself. The last thing you need is another source of stress so focus on priorities. As it is half term I dare say it has all been made harder with having the kids at home all day. Good luck with house and car hunting. Hope something comes up soon.

getmore4less

Forward_thinking wrote: »

.....I know OH won't go for something too dreadful and to be honest anything under £2000 is pretty dreadful......

It doesn't bother OH, he thinks it is energising and good for us; says we have got lazy being here for three years and if we buy we will just become like everyone else and stay put and wilt.

Forward_thinking wrote: »

I also have a partner who has absolutely no intention of leaving.

You really need to tie him down to what he really wants and what money he is going to deliver to achieve that.

whos fault is it that you have sat in a house for three years that you did not like?

From what you have said in many threads he just seems to be evasive and contrary for the hell of it, blundering along from one crisis to the next hoping everything will be all right.

Edit : forgot to add...
anyone that can sit running £600+ hire car and paying £600+ interest on CC debt for months on end needs a good kick up the ......

m4rc

Never easy is it FT. Keep going, you did great and really wanted to make a difference, you've been hit hard now but having to move is really positive. As was pointed out before, in the early days you couldn't possibly move, now you have to. How you manage this is in your hands, if you guys can pull together and do the right thing for your family and not just make choices because they are easy (or less difficult) then you could solve most of your money problems and make a huge difference to your lives.

Saving £20 here and there is great, saving 50 times that in one decision is life changing.

Can you move away? Yes. Do you want to? It seems not. Is that the right decision? Only you can decide.

We had to move out of a house, so we thought sod it lets just move to where we really want to love - 200 miles away in the middle of nowhere. That meant EVERYTHING changed. Jobs, cars, house, schools, doctors, subscriptions, the lot. Riht down to providers for utilities, we have an oil tank now so no gas, we can't get virgin so use sky, we couldn't get a signal on our mobiles so had to change providers. We can't use the same supermarkets, I even took the opportunity to change bank. House insurance we had to change as nobody would insure us (cob structure with a high risk roof), I honestly think we changed it all. It was hard work but it saved us money, and we now have the life we dreamt of. We have a huge 5 bedroom very old cottage with enormous gardens and it costs half your rent. Add in our bills including cars etc and we are still not paying your rent.

Yes it's hard to move with kids, but mine survived, they love heir new schools and are doing better in the last 6 months than they have done in years. My sons are disabled, one really didn't want to move, we had endless battles, but he's happy now and has been able to reduce some of his medication as things are so much less stressful. My younger son is thriving, doing things he's never been able to do, and he's severely disabled, the whole move was planned around him, having an extra removal team pack his room race down here and get it set up exactly as it was in his old house without him even realising it was happening.

I'm not saying it will be easy for you, I'm saying it's hard work but it's also easier if you want it to be.

It may well be that your hubby can't possibly move that far from work, but so many people travel huge distances now for work, often only having to go in a day here and there. That may not be possible, it may be entirely possible. It should be considered, it would give a better quality of life.

As for looking for properties, if they are decent they don't go on websites, only once hey have been let as an advert to draw people in. The good ones go in minutes or hours, you need to be the agents best friends. Offer a finders fee for the perfect house, give them what they want, view what they offer, talk to them. If you don't trust me they have many other clients who will eat out of their hands so they will move on to them. You are in a fairly strong position and not time-wasting, so use that to your advantage.

Don't worry too much on getting declined, this stuff isn't as complicated as it looks, the checks are very basic, they really want to know you can afford it (your accountant can help there by saying yes) and that you don't have CCJ's or bankruptcy orders in place. They can't see debts and credit card limits, they say they do a credit check but the check they do is very minimal.

I think the big thing right now is sorting stuff with your husband though. Moving is going to happen, you can refuse to go but that's not something I'd suggest, it could bite you later. If you need more time as the landlord for it, they may be flexible. I think you two need to get things sorted between you, shout and scream if you need to, but you need to be partners with this, a couple, not wanting different things and having different needs.

Lastly, my advice is advice, and it should be the same from everyone else. You ask for it and take the advice better than most people, which is great, but dont forget that you are in charge, our views are our own opinions and not some kind of law, and we should not be forcing is stuff on you.

Have you had a 'light bulb moment'? Who gives a toss, does everything go on hold until some magic moment happens? No, you are trying your best to make a future for your family, and being 'told' you are doing it wrong is not fair.

Sure, most of the people giving advice do know their stuff (except me, all I know is how I got myself out of a deep hole and changed my life, I'm no expert). You don't have to act what we say, you don't have to do things a certain way, and you don't have to clean toilets for a living. If you were living off the state and struggling with no income then yes, you can get out and work harder, but your situation isn't about lack of income, it's about over spending. I've said before, people earning a lot less than you guys are a lot wealthier, you can earn less and have a higher net wealth if you are clever, or you can earn more and live a life of debt and poverty. I believe Kanye West is about to go bankrupt owing around $50 million, it makes me feel good that I'm wealthier than him! I can probably sing better too!

I think people looking in see certain things not changing, and I think you will agree that he car and house are the biggest expenses gong those can make the biggest impact. What we all need to remember is that it's your life and you have to live with very decision you guys make. This is your diary, your 'thoughts out loud' and I don't think you are procrastinating, I think you are struggling to make some difficult changes in a difficult situation, keeping everyone happy, juggling bills, saving money and running a house while setting up a business and, very importantly, keeping your mental health in check.

You are doing very well, be proud and keep going

crazy_cat_lady

As a teacher, can I just point out from the 'inside' that an Ofsted outstanding school means nothing much in the grand scheme of things. My kids go to an Ofstead outstanding school and I've had more than one issue with the place - one of which was a serious safeguarding issue. I work at a school that was satisfactory, now good and hand on heart it means nothing in terms of how hard the staff are working and what systems are in place.
Now before you think I'm having a go FT, I'm really not. Let me finish... I personally would not move my children once they were in secondary school unless there was no other option. I've seen 'mid-term transfer' kids arrive/leave for various reasons and I can still count on one hand the number of these that I consider to be successful transfers. It takes a while for the student to settle and make friends, as well as adjust to the curriculum etc. I thought long and hard about where to apply for comp for my dd - she's going to a 'requires improvement' school in September. I know what that means in Ofsted speak and I have no problem with it at all. What I do want for her is stability, and friends that are close to home, and the chance to access a decent education.
So, for what it's worth, I wouldn't be considering changing my kids schools either. Obviously though it means that other stuff has to give. When I found out I was pregnant with dd I lived in Guildford. I did pack up and move to Cheapsville (and I have never been happier here) because I knew I could not afford the Surrey lifestyle. We moved when we were still just a couple though and I wouldn't really consider another relocation now until the kids are up and settled in lives of their own.
I wish you lots of luck FT - I know it feels as though people are having a go, and it's you versus the world. You are doing amazingly well, in the face of adversity in terms of your OH...