Where to start? sons USA girlfriend wants to move to UK to be with him.

FBaby

The bit I take exception to is this "You say your son can run a home and look after a baby which contradicts you saying he can't work as he has a disability."

Mmm, you are quoting the above a bit out of context. Indeed, it would be totally discriminatory to evoke that someone with disabilities that prevent them from working couldn't look after a house and baby, HOWEVER, it is your own words that describe how your son wasn't able to hold a job citing an incident where his lack of understanding, which you qualify as 'enormous' left him hurt as a result of not following Health and Safety instructions.

It is that part that would lead anyone to question how 'enormous' difficulties in understanding Health and Satefy rules could safely look after a baby on their own.

fairy_lights

hannahp wrote: »

The bit I take exception to is this "You say your son can run a home and look after a baby which contradicts you saying he can't work as he has a disability."

Just to be clear it assumes that if you have a disability and can't work that you also cannot look after a home or have children!

No-one is suggesting that people with disabilities shouldn't have children, what they are saying is that if someone is capable of running a home and raising a family and all that entails, then there are paid jobs they would be capable of doing.

hannahp

There are no histrionics, just defending a stand point and I have raised 4 children extremely well so I'm aware of the difficulties.
What I wasn't aware of was asking people to judge my son's abilities.
I hope this is a straight forward answer and perhaps the subject can be dropped now and return to topic or left altogether.

GwylimT

fairy_lights wrote: »

No-one is suggesting that people with disabilities shouldn't have children, what they are saying is that if someone is capable of running a home and raising a family and all that entails, then there are paid jobs they would be capable of doing.

Especially things like being a nursery nurse!

RAS

hannah

The main issue is that in order to get any sort of visa that is going to allow the GF to come to England except as a tourist or expensively as a student, either he or she has to be in employment.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

With no savings and no realistic prospects of either of them earning a decent wage this is, and should remain, a pipe dream.

Person_one

Homeownertobe wrote: »

I'll try to explain, but please don't descend into histrionics.

Raising a child and running a home well is incredibly difficult. Just about anyone can drag up some poor mite, in a dirty and unhygienic flea pit (see Jeremy Kyle guests for proof) but to raise a child how he or she deserves to be raised, in a home they deserve is incredible hard. For most people the love they feel for their children gives them the drive to do this.

It is a far more arduous, lengthy and difficult task (both physically and mentally) than a bog standard minimum wage job with minimum responsibly. So if you can do the former, you can certainly do the latter but not the reverse. Not well, anyway.

That is what people are trying to explain to you, but you seem blinded by something that prevents you from seeing this situation as it is - impossible.

Without even getting into the rest of the thread, I would just like to highlight that there are definitely situations where people with disabilities can manage to have a fulfilling life and raise a family but find it incredibly difficult to stay in work.

Many employers don't make it easy for people to stay employed long term when they require lots of adaptations to the environment or to the working style/routine, or if they need to attend lots of appointments for treatment. If they are off enough to breach sickness policies (which doesn't take much) then employers can quite easily dismiss them on capability grounds. That's if they even take them on in the first place. Discrimination is illegal, yes, but its hard to prove and it still happens, and people with very visible or obvious disabilities can often attest to that.

Disabled parents can often manage much more easily in their own home though. It can be adapted for their individual needs, they can get into a routine that works for them, they are likely to have support from family as well as health and social care professionals if needed.

I'm not even reading the OP's posts anymore, can't be doing with all the random font changes and bolding, but its not as simple as some are making it out on here that if you can be a parent, you can definitely work full time.

Robisere

Blinkered.

scooby088

Robisere wrote: »

Blinkered.

Completely agree, how long will it be before this story appears in take a break.

OP you have been given some very good advice on the forum and I guess no one has anything else constructive to add to the advice already given, I am afraid there are no easy ways round your sons predicament. And I guess that you will need to talk to your son giving him all the facts, you may have done this already but I doubt it.

LilElvis

RAS wrote: »

hannah

The main issue is that in order to get any sort of visa that is going to allow the GF to come to England except as a tourist or expensively as a student, either he or she has to be in employment.

And the main stumbling block to this will be that the GF is not a graduate with related work experience. It's a decade since I used to apply for international transfers and visas for the multi-national I worked for, but I can only imagine the system has been tightened rather than relaxed. To be able to achieve a visa (and I did several for US nationals) we had to demonstrate that the candidate was significantly the best of all applicants EU wide, and had to provide details of the search for that position. Few employers will be prepared to go through the visa process themselves and the services of an immigration specialist is thousands, even for a straightforward internal transfer. Working visas, unless you are in a shortage occupation, are for the highly educated, highly skilled, high earners.