We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Mum's moved in with us - paying her board?
Comments
-
I don't think it's a case of the OP assuming that her Mum would help financially.Maybe the op just needs some financial help - the alternative is for her mum to pay for her own accommodation and to leave.
She may have assumed her mum would help but hasnt, I would have assumed too.
Pretty clear here that it was discussed that the OP's Mum would contribute (but not how much) but it seems that a contribution is not forthcoming at least at the moment.
Hence why I posted:BabyButton wrote: »It WAS discussed!
Mum just seems to have forgot that fact and is busy counting all her pennies!
We just didn't agree what she should pay, but a little help goes a long way to paying bigger bills!Something the OP posted makes me wonder if her Mum is as happy to pay as the OP might have expected when this was first mooted:0 -
I think sometimes if you quote a post that is then deleted, your post is also deleted.
I believe that's how it works if MSE delete a post.
I contacted them once to ask why my post had been deleted and that's the answer they gave me.
I know for a fact that one poster deleted a post on a thread and my post which had quoted hers disappeared too.
But the quoted post still stands
As I say I've never asked for a post to be deleted. Perhaps the person who did can give their reasons?0 -
-
But the quoted post still stands
As I say I've never asked for a post to be deleted. Perhaps the person who did can give their reasons?
There's absolutely no point wondering about why posts get deleted on here. From what I've seen over more years than I care to remember, its fairly random, based on who reports what, or who quotes who, and possibly on who is actually doing the deleting and how they interpret the rules or how much they can be bothered trawling through the thread reading stuff.0 -
I have just had a chance to read through your replies only, I haven't had a chance to read other's views.
Just to say I feel for you, you have made lots of changes to accommodate her. I wonder if you can make some changes to the house with her agreement and payment.
On top of getting an agreed monthly sum from her I wonder if you should do a few more things in order to keep your sanity?
If she is going to be living permanently with you is it possible to have a side extension put on your house what can be her domain. A garage to convert or a small plot to the side that you could build out on to? I wonder if a bedroom or living room or both along with small kitchenette might work? She might not be helping out because you seem so capable and doesn't want to interfere with what you are doing.
I would definitely sit her down and suggest you have a meeting about how she is finding things since her arrival and that now she is settled it might be a good time to discuss a monthly sum for expenses and also how the living arrangements are going.
If she is capable with the children you might want to suggest her doing a few school runs or looking after the little ones a set time each week so you get some time to be with one another.
In terms of money to charge her, perhaps have a look at your bills since she has arrived and work out what the jump up has been. Council tax is likely to stay the same, but gas and electric is likely to have risen along with food.
In terms of other people's replies, and indeed mine if you don't find it helpful, please just ignore them. I had some particularly character assassinating responses to a very stressful question I posted hoping for some support in the run up to Christmas and sadly I got a barrage of abuse. The support on these forums are very hit and miss. So do take everything with a pinch of salt!0 -
Well I can assure you I never deleted it. I've never deleted a post I've made
I can only assume someone asked for it to be deleted, and then made out I did
why it was deleted I don't know. It was hardly rude, racist, homophobic or untrue
I wasn't accusing you of anything, just trying to help clarify what MissBiggles was talking about.Sell £1500
2831.00/£15000 -
Or she may feel that the extra costs she brings to the household are nothing like a hundred pounds a week (it's not like the OP has had to move house to have the space for her or that food and utility costs will increase by anything like that amount) and feel that the OP tricked her into moving in and then committing elder abuse with these financial demands. They'd have a point.
No wonder elder abuse is becoming an increasing concern in Britain today judging by some of the posts on this thread.
Good grief, are you actually serious?! :eek:
What an absolutely HORRIBLE thing to say.
Just because someone wants their elderly parent to contribute a bit towards their keep, you virtually accuse them of elder abuse?!
I would be very careful with what you say! What you're saying is bordering on libel.When my widowed Mum was left too frail to cope with living alone we all lived together- Her, Me and my ASD son. She didn't ask - I did it because I wanted to. I didn't do it out of duty -I did it because in my world if you can help those you love you do it and you don't resent doing it.
Did it cost me financially -Yes -In terms of earning and also that I had to give up a council tenancy to have enough room to live together. Higher bills, petrol etc
Would I do anything different with hindsight ? No
She raised me to be an independent woman and would have gouged her own eyes out rather than have asked me to give up anything to help her - but she didn't need to ask . When she died I knew I had done my best for her and was at peace with myself. Had I left her to rot I doubt I'd have felt that way !
That's my experience- REAL experience not hypothetical ! Not some imaginary keyboard warrior theoretical scenario !!
Bully for you if you let your mother stay for free; I am very pleased for you that you were able to do it! Not everyone can. And it DOESN'T make you any better than anyone else!euronorris wrote: »Woah, woah, woah. Elder abuse is a quite a harsh thing to say, and a large jump to make when talking about bills that vary for everyone depending on house size and location.
£400 might seem like a lot to some, but it surely depends on many different factors.
The assertion that the Mother's bills would be less than this could be totally incorrect also. It certainly is for my parents, and they don't have a mortgage. They do, however, have the heating on high all day and night from September to April/May, for the whole house, and sometimes will have it on of an evening during summer as my Mum feels the cold very easily/quickly these days.
.paddy's_mum wrote: »Crikey, that's quite some jump!
Tricked? Abuse? Demands?
I should think the OP has bailed out by now and wishes she had never turned to this forum
I agree. Duchy's comments are totally unacceptable.
I find it somewhere between laughable and exasperating that she has not been slated a lot more for saying what she has. Guess the reaction to what you say, depends who you are on this forum.
You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
I really don't see the problem with parents paying board. VfM4meplse seemed to have a chip on her shoulder.
When you are a child, you don't have an income or finances. You don't ask to be brought into the world and a mother/father is a nurturing figure.When all parties are adults, things change.
I wouldn't let my parents live with me free of charge unless they had limited funds. Likewise, they wouldn't let me live at home free of charge.
OP, maybe cover the bill rises and food to begin with and see how it goes. Be careful to retain your independence though - after years of your own house, own rules there can be conflict (unintentional, but just as trying).0 -
engineer_amy wrote: »my parents currently have all four grandparents living with them in various states of disability. It was a case of "its either move them all in or put them all in nursing homes", and the decision was made that it was easier, financially, emotionally and even from the point of view of the time taken to go visiting, to have them move in. Carers visit a couple of times a day to help out.
Heating costs ballooned as the heating is on nearly 24/7, however food costs didn't really increase so much as they all eat relatively little, and they buy some food themselves.
Mum and dad would never dream of asking them to contribute financially as the only income is state pensions (work pension for one), although the grandparents will force the odd £20 for shopping into their hands, or if they have been taken to the doctors, petrol money will be given, almost like a taxi service.
The grannies help out with the household chores as much as they are able.
Mainly, for my parents, its the peace of mind that the grandparents are being well looked after, they can keep an eye on their well being and medications and still spend time with them.
That does mean that they'll have around £600pw between them as spending money though.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 259K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards