We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Broken
Comments
-
Sadly she has said she had thought and thought about things and can't see it working.
I am really really sorry. You must be heartbroken and feeling devasted when from your perspective, everything was not only well, but so well that you were making the next step to commitment.
For her to have made such a decision, it is highly likely that she has been experiencing some level of doubt for some time, but clearly kept it quiet and misleading you to believe all was well. From my perspective, this is a very deceiving way of going about it, very selfish and dishonest. Of course at this stage, you will only be hurt and see that you are losing someone wonderful, but maybe when you are over it, you will see that it wasn't a trustworthy attitude to lead you on to believe that you were building something together, to the point of encouraging you (or at least certainly not discouraging you) to take on another job.
This reaction could also be that of someone who has actually been cheating and found someone else, but only you will know whether this is a possibility.
I hope you can pick yourself up again soon and move on although after 3 1/2 years, it might take a bit of time.0 -
Have spoken on the phone and there's nothing I can do or say to change her mindDwy galon, un dyhead,
Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
Dau enaid ond un taith.0 -
paddy's_mum wrote: »
It may also simply be that she recognises her feelings for you are not deep or strong enough to build all this upon and would rather withdraw now. Perhaps she is being utterly honest and straight with you
As difficult and painful as it is right now, it would be so much worse if you and your daughter had altered everything in your lives and the planned-for baby was on the way.
I wish you luck and I'm sorry for your trouble.0 -
It is not clear to me - do you live presently with your parents ? So your daughter came to live with your parents as well ? If so it is very clear to me why you now ex girlfriend had a big wobble.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
She might have thought of a compromise to which he was not receptive. I would have questioned character and understanding of situation by a man who thinks it is fine to move in to her girlfriend's house with his child in a town where he has nowhere to go otherwise instead of establishing himself first and moving after.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
I didn't get that from what the OP has posted'She might have thought of a compromise to which he was not receptive. I would have questioned character and understanding of situation by a man who thinks it is fine to move in to her girlfriend's house with his child in a town where he has nowhere to go otherwise instead of establishing himself first and moving after.
He says 'they' (I'm assuming - maybe wrongly - that he means he and his ex) decided that he & his daughter would move in.
He also says they 'spoke at length' about him taking the new job.
They had also discussed saving for a house together and having children.
As has been mentioned before, I think there may be someone else on the scene.
Possibly an ex who's come back?0 -
It is not clear to me - do you live presently with your parents ? So your daughter came to live with your parents as well ? If so it is very clear to me why you now ex girlfriend had a big wobble.
My daughter stays with my parents one evening a week. We at first tried living together part time at my now expartners house. I sought assurance at every step that she was ok with how things were progressing.Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »If she was genuinely interested in continuing your relationship, she wouldn't have broken it off altogether, she would have sought a compromise to hold you at arm's length for a while longer.
There's probably someone else on the scene.
I have thought about that but I genuinely cannot see it, or even contemplate it.She might have thought of a compromise to which he was not receptive. I would have questioned character and understanding of situation by a man who thinks it is fine to move in to her girlfriend's house with his child in a town where he has nowhere to go otherwise instead of establishing himself first and moving after.
I didn't think it was 'fine' for us to move in to her house, we had extensive talks about it & we both agreed that if our relationship was to be able to grow & for us to get a bigger house one of us would have to move jobs & location as commuting isn't an option.
I was offered a job, I took a little time to accept the offer as I myself had a wobble & wondered whether it would be too much for her, having two new people moving into her house. However she reassured me that it was a great opportunity for us to grow.Dwy galon, un dyhead,
Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
Dau enaid ond un taith.0 -
I didn't get that from what the OP has posted'
He says 'they' (I'm assuming - maybe wrongly - that he means he and his ex) decided that he & his daughter would move in.
He also says they 'spoke at length' about him taking the new job.
They had also discussed saving for a house together and having children.
As has been mentioned before, I think there may be someone else on the scene.
Possibly an ex who's come back?
We had such long conversations even before me & my daughter started to stay & after a while, when we both agreed it was ok & working we started to discuss a new job.Dwy galon, un dyhead,
Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
Dau enaid ond un taith.0 -
You can really bake your noodle at the end of a relationship trying to work out the why. You'll never really figure it out though. My advice is just to sever all contact with your ex. I think that continuing to have contact with an ex (unless you have children together) once you've just broken up is like picking at a scab. If you and she are meant to be friends then it will happen much further down the line when things aren't so raw.
The saving grace in this is that she told you before you moved your daughter from one school to another so that's one positive.
Keep your chin up.0 -
It sounds like you both took your time & did your best to ensure it was the right thing for both of you.We had such long conversations even before me & my daughter started to stay & after a while, when we both agreed it was ok & working we started to discuss a new job.
From everything you've posted, it seem incomprehensible that she's changed her mind and not only that, is refusing to even speak to you about it.
TBH, regardless of your reluctance to contemplate someone else in her life, I think there might well be.
I wish you well for the future.I have thought about that but I genuinely cannot see it, or even contemplate it.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.8K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 259K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards