Broken

Oakdene

Hi all

My partner & I have been together for 3 & 1/2 years or so, we live 30 miles apart, everything was nice & we were in a good place. I have 2 children from a previous relationship both of which lived with my ex partner when my new relationship started. Around 18 months ago my ex kicked my eldest out & she came to live with me. We started off staying at my folks with my daughter until things settled down. After a while we decided that my daughter & I stayed with at my partners 2/3 nights a week to see how it goes- as the house is very small (old cottage) we wanted to see how we would cope on space etc. Everything seemed to be ok... We spent new years at her parents with both my children & we all agreed that we had a great time.

An opportunity for a job, which was closer to her place, came up & I was offered it. We spoke about it at length & decided I should go for it. This meant that I'd have to move my daughters school but she (my daughter) was ok with that. The new job would give us an opportunity for me to save a lot more money (£5.5k more salary a year & 40 miles a day saving in fuel). I was due to start the job this month.

However when I got back to the house on Wednesday my partner was upset & said she cant see us overcoming the obstacles & is scared we will all be cramped living in such a small place as well as she feels that having all of us there would mean she loses her independence. A year ago we both said we wanted child/children together but we would need to save for bigger house etc to make it realistic.

I tried to convince her that I would be saving as much as I could, probably an extra £500 a month but she said that its too scary to uproot me & my daughter in case it doesn't work after a few months. Everything was perfect a couple of weeks ago between us but now its like she is a different person. Im not sure if she is scared at the prospect of living together & my family are amazed she has ended it because they think we are perfect together & she is DiL material in my mums opinion, which is high praise! She is amazing with both my children.

I text her last night to ask her to talk but she replied saying there is nothing left to talk about. I don't know what to do, as I know we were happy but is it that she is scared because she has lived alone for 8+ years? All my things are there at the moment. Im not texting her or calling as she may need space??

lika_86

She may need a little time to get her head clear, but in my view, she does at least owe you an explanation as to why she's broken things off. The question for you is, if you aren't together, would you still move to the new area and rent somewhere?

Oakdene

lika_86 wrote: »

She may need a little time to get her head clear, but in my view, she does at least owe you an explanation as to why she's broken things off. The question for you is, if you aren't together, would you still move to the new area and rent somewhere?

Thank you for your reply,

I wouldn't move because the purpose or idea of me getting a new job was to be closer to her house & so I could save more money for the future. It would have meant obviously moving to a new town etc & uprooting my daughter from school but if we're not moving in together I don't see the point...

whitewing

Speaking from experience, lack of living space can really make or break a relationship. (Fine for short term but not for longer term).

tea_lover

Have you handed in your notice on your old job?

Oakdene

whitewing wrote: »

Speaking from experience, lack of living space can really make or break a relationship. (Fine for short term but not for longer term).

I have suggested that we keep things as they are because we know we can live together as a unit, but wait until we can save for a bigger house....

Oakdene

tea_lover wrote: »

Have you handed in your notice on your old job?

Yes, but incredibly luckily they have let me stay here.

Stevie_Palimo

whitewing wrote: »

Speaking from experience, lack of living space can really make or break a relationship. (Fine for short term but not for longer term).

I know this one and when I got together with my oh I was waiting on my place being done up and it was early days and a stop gap place but was smallish so did prove quite challenging for things, I do believe that if two people want to be together then overcoming such things is not really an issue unless you want to be.

My thoughts here are that OP's partner has some issues that will either discuss if probed or simply not acknowledge that they are there at all, I would if in your position be thinking that this is time to move on but for me I am quite impatient with things anyway and do not offer 2nd chances so to speak.

Oakdene

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

My thoughts here are that OP's partner has some issues that will either discuss if probed or simply not acknowledge that they are there at all, I would if in your position be thinking that this is time to move on but for me I am quite impatient with things anyway and do not offer 2nd chances so to speak.

I have left the ball firmly in her court in relation to talking as at some point she is going to want me to collect my stuff or talk.

I am incredibly impatient as a person, however this time for me at least its different as I am head over heels for her & I will do anything to make this work.

Stevie_Palimo

Oakdene wrote: »

I have left the ball firmly in her court in relation to talking as at some point she is going to want me to collect my stuff or talk.

I am incredibly impatient as a person, however this time for me at least its different as I am head over heels for her & I will do anything to make this work.

I wish you the best here and hope you get it sorted then, Could be cold feet you know but a bit of space will not harm things and hopefully give her time to reflect on the situation.

pigpen

Is there no way you could get rented accommodation in the area closer to her? that would mean you could spend more time together and she may see it can work. The extra salary would cover some of the additional rent maybe?

I had a wobble too when my partner was talking of moving here after 4 months.. it all just felt very sudden.. he did move here after a further 3 months and is still here 6.5 years later.. it can still work