Frump to Fab 2016 - Lets make it AWESOME!!!

Floss

Indie, maybe by breaking up with you the ex has realised that he had been missing out by being independent? Maybe you could view his new relationship as a compliment to you having educated him?

Also, why not pick up your outdoor exercise over the holidays, to put your feelings into something positive rather than bundling thoughts away? It would boost your energy, as well as begin to restart the fabbing for next year

mummy2threeboys

indiepanda I get you x I Had an ex who I fell for deeply , I loved him , He was the one for me. But he was a player and didn't want to be tied down. So I ended it. Shortly after he wanted me back , alas he then ended it with me. I met someone else and Then my ex wanted me back again. I instead fell in love with the then current boyfriend who I have been with 17 years now my hubby. I had an abusive /neglectful childhood and I think I sought those types out who just couldn't seem to love anyone else . And I myself was desperate for someone to love me..Anyone whould do. But I needed to learn to love being loved.
Life is hard, messy and complex sometimes. I really hope you have a better time soon and the new year brings you positive, joyful things xx

indiepanda

chanie wrote: »

I have been reading up on this and I'm not convinced its down to people working from home. As you wrote, I think its more about people having a more relaxed approach to their appearances. Gone are the days of the big 80's hair and even now, you can get a Brazillian treatment to straighten your hair, which means you don't need to use as much product on it.

I definitely wash my hair less than when I was younger - used to wash and blow dry daily. Now if I blow dry I follow with straightening irons and then tidy up and fluffy bits with the irons on the next few days. If I have left to dry naturally and curl then provided I don't have too restless a night it can usually be left another day before washing, just maybe damp down a little over the sink to refresh the curls or apply a bit of hair oil.

indiepanda

Floss wrote: »

Indie, maybe by breaking up with you the ex has realised that he had been missing out by being independent? Maybe you could view his new relationship as a compliment to you having educated him?

Also, why not pick up your outdoor exercise over the holidays, to put your feelings into something positive rather than bundling thoughts away? It would boost your energy, as well as begin to restart the fabbing for next year

All very good points. Although it would rather hurt to think he was better to someone else than he was to me - selfishly I wish that if he was willing to change that he would have done so for me. Still, it's all water under the bridge now.

In any case, I would really much rather have a boyfriend who lives in London than have to do the long distance thing or move away from living somewhere that I love and have lots of friends. It would also be lovely to have someone who shares my love of hiking as I get fed up of having to cut back the time I spend on it to accommodate a partner's interests. I know there has to be some compromise and I wouldn't expect to find a man who shares all my interests - but perhaps sharing the one that matters the most to me would be a good idea.

indiepanda

mummy2threeboys wrote: »

indiepanda I get you x I Had an ex who I fell for deeply , I loved him , He was the one for me. But he was a player and didn't want to be tied down. So I ended it. Shortly after he wanted me back , alas he then ended it with me. I met someone else and Then my ex wanted me back again. I instead fell in love with the then current boyfriend who I have been with 17 years now my hubby. I had an abusive /neglectful childhood and I think I sought those types out who just couldn't seem to love anyone else . And I myself was desperate for someone to love me..Anyone whould do. But I needed to learn to love being loved.
Life is hard, messy and complex sometimes. I really hope you have a better time soon and the new year brings you positive, joyful things xx

Glad to hear you found someone great in the end. What you say chimes with me. There wasn't much obvious love in my house growing up though I wouldn't go as far as calling it abusive. Dad was rather distant and dutiful, and Mum's love seemed very conditional on me getting good grades - she was more interested in whether I came top at school than whether I was happy - and I used to get bullied for being too clever and was painfully shy.

Their relationship isn't really that healthy either - despite being still married, they have both complained endlessly about each other to me since I was a teenager. I wish I had said when they first started that they should work it out between themselves, not sure it's really fair for parents to put you in the middle like that.

I think I ended up both desperate to be loved but not really able to believe anyone would love me or cope with too much emotion from anyone else as I was so used to having to look after myself emotionally and not allow myself to rely on anyone else.

I ended up not getting involved with guys who were keen on me and perfectly nice and good friends and told myself it was because I didn't have any chemistry with them.... but I suspect there was a degree of finding it hard to open up to someone whose feelings were beyond my realm of experience. Tended to be captivated by those guys who played games with me and blew hot and cold.

I have got beyond that now and think I deserve someone who treats me with respect, but it's so much harder finding nice single men your age when you are in your forties. I try hard not to have regrets, but sometimes I kick myself for having thrown away chances to be with someone lovely decades ago.

Still, I guess I only need to find one decent one who feels the same about me, even if it does feel like hoping to find a needle in a haystack!

Ellsbel

Indie, without wanting to make your posts about "me", I've got tears in my eyes having read what you said about your upbringing in particular, and its effects - it really resonates with me - I'm hugely lacking in confidence and very shy and I can pinpoint some of the reasons for this but find it hard to change.
But I too found a good man after a truly disastrous relationship before that:)
I just wanted to add - please don't take what's happened as a personal rejection; if this is a newish relationship then the chances are that the new lady is not expecting any deeper commitment to it - yet. Could be that the pressure is off him at the moment but that a few months down the line he might find himself on his own again because he can't expect to conduct things on his own terms over a long period.
You did the right thing for you in not settling for second best, you have an active fun-filled social life and have achieved so much for yourself - be proud of yourself; Mr Right is out there somewhere:)

lessonlearned

Indie....couldn't read and run. Just wanted to send you a great big hug. I'm sorry you are so upset but yes I can see perfectly well why it would shake you so much.

As for the weight and not feeling fab........let's save that for 2017. A new year, a fresh start and I agree a new way of living and doing things.

I am soooo on board with that.

Let's make 2017 the year we knuckle down, make both the health and lifestyle changes we need.

We can explore ways and means and share this journey.

I need to "reinvent" myself. Since my husband died I haveto an extent just been drifting and marking time........I haven't even been able to comit to buying a house.

All that has to stop. I need to get myself a life before I'm too old and decrepit.

Dad not too good at all. The gentamicin was too rough. I'll know more later.

I don't wish to moan but I am soooooo tired. I just feel drained and exhausted. Needless to say I can't sleep and I'm a mass of aches and pains. I have a sore eye so can't wear any eye makeup and I look dreadful. I need to go food shopping too as well as the hospital.

I can scarcely put one foot in front of the other. I've never known tiredness like it.

I'm still in my dressing gown..........i just want to get back under the duvet and stay there. I'm sort of hungry but feel queasy and lightheaded......

What a state.:rotfl:

Anyway I'll eat and get dressed and take it from there.

maman

Some very thoughtful posts indie. Amid all the hustle and bustle of Christmas it is also a time for reflection. What you don't know is how your ex's relationship with the new partner will work out. Maybe he has found 'the one' but maybe he's just keeping on trying.


You've seemed a lot happier since you've been single. I'm not saying you shouldn't consider a new relationship but, as you said, do things differently. Are there mixed walking groups/holidays you could consider?


I feel your pain with the horrors of the changing room. It's not just the mirrors it's the lighting and I often look pale and pasty. I've weighed today and gained 3.5lbs:eek:. so feeling fed up. I know it's party food that's done it but going into this week it's going to be hard to lose it straight away without forgoing Christmas treats.:(


Well done for getting some resolutions down already chanie. I completely agree with you about quality and things that bring you pleasure although I am sometimes lucky in the CS on branded items and I know sugarbaby does well on ebay as do some of my friends. When I worked full time I devised a 'uniform' of mix and match pieces. It not only meant I only needed a limited amount but made decision making easier too. It depends on your line of work as to what's suitable but I always felt being well turned out helped me feel confident.


I finished hemming the cloth for the breakfast table yesterday so just need to press it (along with the rest of the ironing:() at some point. When I've finished browsing on here I'm going to write my shopping list for fresh food and maybe go later although not looking forward to it. I filled my car up in Asda (not that I'm going there to shop) earlier and there were queues to get in the car park.


It's bright and sunny here now that the fog has burned off. Have a good day all.:)

Ellsbel

LL it can be really hard to eat properly and get enough rest at times like this but do take care of yourself - sending (hugs) x

indiepanda

Ellsbel wrote: »

Indie, without wanting to make your posts about "me", I've got tears in my eyes having read what you said about your upbringing in particular, and its effects - it really resonates with me - I'm hugely lacking in confidence and very shy and I can pinpoint some of the reasons for this but find it hard to change.
But I too found a good man after a truly disastrous relationship before that:)
I just wanted to add - please don't take what's happened as a personal rejection; if this is a newish relationship then the chances are that the new lady is not expecting any deeper commitment to it - yet. Could be that the pressure is off him at the moment but that a few months down the line he might find himself on his own again because he can't expect to conduct things on his own terms over a long period.
You did the right thing for you in not settling for second best, you have an active fun-filled social life and have achieved so much for yourself - be proud of yourself; Mr Right is out there somewhere:)

Thanks Ellsbel. It's frustrating, I have got past being very shy with friends (still a little reserved perhaps) and my confidence is much improved - I know I am good at my job and I believe I must be a nice person as I have lots of lovely friends who wouldn't want to spend time with me if I wasn't.

But when it comes to men... all the confidence vanishes if I start to think of them as possible boyfriends - can talk the hind legs off a donkey if I think of them as a friend. I really have to be half way to drunk to actually flirt with a guy and I am sure my lack of confidence in my attractiveness comes across in my body language with guys I fancy. Anyway, reassuring to know you found a good man despite feeling shy and lacking in confidence - there's hope for me yet :-)

Unless the ex has radically changed, he will have started seeing this new women with the expectation it won't work out as he is too difficult for anyone to put up with long term... which eventually proved to be right for me though I spent a long while trying to prove otherwise to both of us. It really wasn't fun being called an "odd creature" for admitting I loved him. I think he genuinely didn't feel he was lovable because of some issues with his upbringing, but wouldn't talk about anything emotional at all, would just close down on me so it was impossible to resolve.