Unbelievably selfish woman

Trazy

Sorry I haven't replied, I have been in hospital

She wasn't invited, she invited herself and I mean she worked her way through about £75 worth of food and drink - she helped herself to a bottle of bollinger special and still polished off about half of a second one. In addition to everything else I can't be far off.

Sorry I said about bullying, I wasn't feeling too good and sort of lashed out. please accept my apologies.

For those asking I contributed the meat and some alcohol, even though I don't personally drink. I had water and even took my own bottle of that.

I haven't said anything to my daughter in law, it would only upset her. I suppose that's why I came on here, to let off steam

EDITED TO ADD - whilst I apologised for bullying accusations I did it before I had chance to read through the thread. I now stand by my original accusation, there are a lot of bullies on here. You know who you are

duchy

Whilst I can understand you not wanting to discuss her mother with your DIL- What did your son think ? Was he annoyed -and how can someone turn up uninvited for Christmas dinner ? That doesn't make sense especially as there was clearly enough food for all of you ?

Could this just be two families who do things completely differently?

I'd expect guests to eat as much as they liked and be glad they liked my food.

But maybe two Mother one who clearly likes her champers and the other teetotal who have nothing in common apart from grandchildren was just a bit too much of a gulf to bridge ?

Be really careful though Tracy - these kind of differences can end up with children deciding to have Mothers alternate years rather than an uncomfortable Christmas day so finding a way to meet in the middle and bridge some of the differences as you are obviously very different personalities might be wise.

FBaby

She wasn't invited, she invited herself

You don't know that for sure though. Maybe your DIL did but pretended she didn't because she was embarrassed?

It's now the new year, so time to leave it behind and focus on your health. Your Son and DIL are adults and can decide what to do next year.

Pollycat

Trazy wrote: »

I haven't said anything to my daughter in law, it would only upset her. I suppose that's why I came on here, to let off steam

Why would it upset your daughter-in-law?
Because she would agree with you or wouldn't agree with you?

What does your son think?
I posted this asking what your son & DIL thought.

Pollycat wrote: »

The above is the opinion of a mother-in-law (to her son's wife).

I'd be very interested in the opinions held by her son and his wife.
Do they agree with the OP's assessment of this woman as 'selfish' or are they happy with what she gave?

I think as the OP threw out groundless accusations of bullying because she didn't get the responses she expected, I think it's possibly just her who is annoyed on her son & grandchildren's behalf.

and this:

Pollycat wrote: »

We don't actually know if the OP's son and his wife (this so-called selfish woman's daughter) actually felt they were being taken advantage of.

You can't really expect other posters to sympathise with you if you won't tell us if it's just your opinion of this 'selfish' woman.

prosaver

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

I gave my Dad, a book that I bought for myself, I read it, and then wrapped it up for him.
Now that's tight.

wow ..thats shocking and funny:beer:
i didnt know i could get a mixure of emotions like that ..wierd

prosaver

well, i bought my late dad a video cause i wanted to watch it too,
har.........
har

TBagpuss

Like Duchy, I wonder whether this might simply be different expectations from different families.
Boasting about money (or most other things, come to that) isn't particualrly attractive behaviour, but in terms of the the other things:
- Different people have diferent ideas and expectations about gifts. Spending £10 on a grandchild may feel stingy but if your family doesn't do big gifts it may not be inteded in that way at all.
- Different people have different ideas about hospitality - eating and drinking a lot is common at christmas, and surely it is for your son and daughter in law to decide what they offer to their guests? Although taking along at least a small gift such as a bottle of wine or chocolates is common, it's not actually required. Do you know whether your son and his family visit his MIL often and whether / what they contribute when they do? I can think of a couple of people I know who would not want guests to bring anything - for normal guests they would accept gracefully if a guest brought a gift but for family they will say, and mean, that they don't want the guest to bring anything at all. It doesn't sound as though that is your DIL's apprach, but if MIL takes that approach herself she may not feel it is appropriate to bring a botle or other contributions to someone else's home.
I do unerstnad that you felt your son and his wife were taken advatage of and that you feel defensive of them, and angry at the perceived slights, but to be honest, it's not your fight. If your son or DIL are unhappy with her behaviour then they can decide how they want to approach that with her.

euronorris

All I will say is that, in my experience, those who feel the need to say they're rolling in it, rarely are. Usually, the opposite is true.


In the circumstances that the OP described, I would just have assumed that actually, the MIL is not very well off at all and was feeling quite insecure about it.


As for eating and drinking food, and how much it cost....it wouldn't bother me. But that's because if I was hosting, I would've bought in plenty of food and drink for people to enjoy, and would actually be upset if anyone curtailed their appetite as they felt they had reached some kind of imaginary monetary limit. I bought it for them to enjoy. I want them to enjoy it! If the cost of hosting for everyone bothered me that much, I either a) wouldn't host or b) would only host for a very small group. I don't think anyone should be expected to only eat and drink a set amount.


But that's just me.

prosaver

so is it your turn next year to have dinner at greedy guts's, bring expandable waist trousers :beer:

pigpen

prosaver wrote: »

so is it your turn next year to have dinner at greedy guts's, bring expandable waist trousers :beer:

and Tupperware and a big flask for alcohol !! haha