What are our rights playing the drums?

Towser

Allowing them to do what they want whenever they want is setting them up for a rough time in adulthood when they discover life isn't like that (no matter your diagnosis)

Who said we were going to do that?

Ulfar

Towser wrote: »

Who said we were going to do that?

You are already doing it, in your own posts you have stated you let him play the drums rather than having a meltdown. What example do you think this is setting.

Towser

You are already doing it, in your own posts you have stated you let him play the drums rather than having a meltdown. What example do you think this is setting.

Do you know anything about Autism?

Ulfar

Towser wrote: »

Do you know anything about Autism?

I know enough, you are reinforcing a negative behaviour by rewarding it. This won't improve things.

tomtontom

Ulfar wrote: »

I know enough, you are reinforcing a negative behaviour by rewarding it. This won't improve things.

I would agree with this. Whilst a child with autism would not be able to control their meltdown in the way a child having a normal tantrum would, that's not to say it is something that should be rewarded. Calm the situation, ensure the child is safe and move on from it - offering reward makes the line between genuine meltdown and childish tantrum extremely fine.

Towser

One of the things I use from my "tool box" is "distraction" because they easily loose their focus. If I can move the focus from a negative one to a positive one I will.

[Deleted User]

I agree with this. I learned quickly that by pacifying my son's meltdowns with 'what he wanted' to distract him, I was encouraging the lack of control to continue. When I started concentrating on working with him to control himself (including hugs if he needed them as he often did as the meltdowns were more often than not as a result of cruelty from others - but even now he's 19 I still ask if he wants one as sometimes contact is just too much). Sometimes, I would pin him down under a duvet. I know that sounds cruel but it would stop him hurting himself or others and I'd keep saying softly that as soon as he could control himself it would be ok.

Consequently now meltdowns are controllable. He's been encouraged (not punished as you commented in an earlier post) to learn to control himself. I'm always here for help and support, but not to perpetuate. I did placate at one point, but that didn't help him. Encouraging does. But you don't seem to like any of our answers that disagree with your opinions. Try and see that some of us have lived through similiar experiences and learned from them.