Help! Workmen from hell

Nessun_Dorma

spidermaaaan wrote: »

I also agree the fitters were not malicious they just did a rush job because they have better things to do with their time than fit carpets. I pay employees by the hour but the shop owner told me he pays them by the job so that is an incentive to rush as many carpet fits in the day.

They didn't do a rush job. They did a bad job. They failed to carry out the job with skill and care.

NewShadow

deannatrois wrote: »

I have a son (19) with aspergers and I find it quite startling the amount of people who think if he tries hard enough he will 'get over it' and be able to do something he previously couldn't...I pointed out that hiding and coping were two different things.

Risking getting between two parents here.

From an outside view, as someone with ASD, I do want to mention that a lot of the coping strategies I've developed are basically 'get over it' or 'hide it'. The old maxim - fake it till you make it.

For me, and others I know, we've campaigned a long time for ASD to not be classed as a 'disability', but a 'difference'.

Frankly, there's nothing you can do that I can't do. I might just need to go about it a little differently and take a couple of run ups at something new.

By that I mean, in order to be an independent adult, I've had to learn how to act in certain situations. At work I've had to spend time consciously studying and remembering what behaviour or 'product' is expected in what situation; In my day to day life I've had to learn what reaction is 'normal' in different situations.

It took me a lot longer than someone NT, and it was very distressing at times (My first 'proper' office job I left work in tears almost every day for the first three months because I couldn't work out what my bosses actually wanted), but that doesn't mean that learning how to react is a bad thing.

I wanted the job I had at the time, even though it freaked me out, and I worked d*mn hard to be good at it. By the end of that job I was running events for 400+ people (and loving it). At the start I struggled to talk in a room of 10!

Ultimately, I needed to separate out what was the ASD, what was fear, and what was expectation of failure. Then learn how to identify and deal with it all.

While ASD is a spectrum, and some people may want to embrace their difference rather than fit in, exposure to distressing situations is a way to overcome the fear they generate and learn to cope with the overstimulation.

I'm not saying it was the best thing to do, or a good thing to do, but - even if your son doesn't and never will enjoy that kind of environment - at least now he knows he can go there and do that, if he wants/needs to in the future, without melting down.

That might be an odd comfort, but there it is.

OP.., I hope you are proud of yourself. You have dealt appropriately with situations that aren't easy for anyone to deal with.

Completely agree.

hollydays

NewShadow wrote: »

Risking getting between two parents here.

From an outside view, as someone with ASD, I do want to mention that a lot of the coping strategies I've developed are basically 'get over it' or 'hide it'. The old maxim - fake it till you make it.

For me, and others I know, we've campaigned a long time for ASD to not be classed as a 'disability', but a 'difference'.

Frankly, there's nothing you can do that I can't do. I might just need to go about it a little differently and take a couple of run ups at something new.

By that I mean, in order to be an independent adult, I've had to learn how to act in certain situations. At work I've had to spend time consciously studying and remembering what behaviour or 'product' is expected in what situation; In my day to day life I've had to learn what reaction is 'normal' in different situations.

It took me a lot longer than someone NT, and it was very distressing at times (My first 'proper' office job I left work in tears almost every day for the first three months because I couldn't work out what my bosses actually wanted), but that doesn't mean that learning how to react is a bad thing.

I wanted the job I had at the time, even though it freaked me out, and I worked d*mn hard to be good at it. By the end of that job I was running events for 400+ people (and loving it). At the start I struggled to talk in a room of 10!

Ultimately, I needed to separate out what was the ASD, what was fear, and what was expectation of failure. Then learn how to identify and deal with it all.

While ASD is a spectrum, and some people may want to embrace their difference rather than fit in, exposure to distressing situations is a way to overcome the fear they generate and learn to cope with the overstimulation.

I'm not saying it was the best thing to do, or a good thing to do, but - even if your son doesn't and never will enjoy that kind of environment - at least now he knows he can go there and do that, if he wants/needs to in the future, without melting down.

That might be an odd comfort, but there it is.



Completely agree.

Well done you but don't take away from others , there are varying degrees -and no " one size fits all" , as I know s a parent��

NewShadow

hollydays wrote: »

Well done you but don't take away from others , there are varying degrees -and no " one size fits all" , as I know s a parent��

Completely.

I think I was long windily trying to say the OP might benefit from talking to someone about figuring out what about this situation is causing issues...*gasps for breath*

ASD could be one element, but the possibility of PTSD or a different anxiety disorder from domestic violence shouldn't be ignored.

Acknowledging and identifying triggers means you can work on them/get help and support.

spidermaaaan

The reputable joiner said he had never seen anything like it. He said on veneered doors you should never use a circular saw and you should use an electric planer.
What he could not believe is they did not stop after seeing the mess they made of door one. They just continued and wrecked them all
the locks cost another 50 to get changed so that is 1100 I am down but 950 I owe them
plus my additional moving expenses and damaged contents.
I am not going to sue them I just want to call it quits and leave it as it is so upsetting but if they try to sue me I will.counterclaim for the lot
on the plus side it looks like I am getting a gifted and talented scholarship for a msc in theoretical physics so that would cheer me up