How well do you know your partner?

AubreyMac

I understand nobody outrightly asks "were you adopted, etc" out of the blue, but asking things like "did you enjoy having a younger sibling/being an only child" or "what was she/he like as a parent" is just normal questions in conversations? Also, bringing things up from your childhood can be quite normal too especially when you see something that triggers memories.

Perhaps though, I am just used to asking personal questions in my work and I myself am quite open anyway (to my detriment at times).

onomatopoeia99

AubreyMac wrote: »

How can you not know?

It's easy, one falls for the person they are now, their past is unimportant.

honeypop

AubreyMac wrote: »

asking things like "did you enjoy having a younger sibling/being an only child" or "what was she/he like as a parent" is just normal questions in conversations?

I like to think I know my husband very well, but I've never asked questions like those in your example before, and don't think I'd ask anyone in a usual conversation (and I'm also very open, I just wouldn't ask those sorts of questions, it's like being interviewed). I think maybe it does come from your line of work?

balletshoes

CHRISSYG wrote: »

There are some things my OH doesn't know about my childhood and we have been married over 20 yrs.
If something comes up and theres a relevance to it then i will talk about it but its silly to expect couples to know everything about each others past.

absolutely agree with this - of course there are some things we know about each other's childhood, but we don't know everything - nor do I know everything about my best friends' lives, or even my sisters since we all grew up and stopped living together. We are still very close.

BigAunty

I went out with someone for a few years before they told me that both their siblings had died in childhood when they were growing up and he never spoke about his father.

But I still don't understand why a spouse doesn't know the other was adopted.

marleyboy

I suppose there are numerous things we dont know about each other, but all irrelevant. Its more a case of they have not come up in conversation rather than keeping them to ourselves.

Name of my first dog, my favourite childhood toy, the park I used to play in etc. I imagine if brought up in discussion we would mention them, thats the thrill of being together, always finding out the nice little things about one another, however relevant they may be.

catkins

I don't know everything about my husband's childhood but I do know quite a bit. I know where he was born, what school he went to, what subjects he liked/was good at. I know that he got into trouble a few times at school - caused an explosion in the science lab and a couple of other things and got the cane quite a few times.


I know where his parents took him for days out and on holiday. I know what hobbies he had and what tv programmes he liked.


He knows the same sort of things about me.


We have never sat and interrogated each other but they are things that have come up in conversation. We have been married over 30 years and are both talkers (especially me).


It would seem odd to me not to know anything or very little about your partner - something like being adopted is, to me, a major thing. OH's sister is adopted.

MacMickster

Different strokes for different folks. Some would regard being adopted as important whereas to others it is a complete irrelevance. People will talk about what they want to, but will also choose what (if anything) they want to keep secret and from whom.

I'm sure that a couple who don't find it normal to talk about their pasts would find the OP's questioning extremely intrusive, and I can't think of a job where I would think it essential to ask such questions in front of the partner.

suki1964

I don't talk about my childhood to anyone

Hubby knows some but he finds it all too distressing to hear and finds it unbelievable as his childhood was so different

Doesn't mean we don't know enough about each other, just some things are best left not discussed

pigpen

It's irrelevant to who we are now.. if stuff comes up in conversation then fine if not why would it be discussed.


I know his favourite colour, food, pair of undies, how to make him smile, how to make him laugh, how he makes me feel... not much else matters.