How well do you know your partner?

AubreyMac

In my line of work I interviewed a couple in their home.


They knew I'd be asking about their life, childhood and background.


Well during a visit to this couple yesterday, they have been together some 10 years and they immigrated here from Africa. They have no family here so only have each other. When I asked the female to tell me about her childhood, she said ''this will be the first time (husbands name) would have heard about my childhood too''.


How can you not know? Now the above couple is just an example but there are many many couples who do not know basic things about each other. Another couple, the wife didn't even know her hubby was adopted!


I've been doing this job some 3 years now but it still leaves me speechless at how little some couples know about each other. I can understand if one person hid something from their partner but in a lot of cases it's just a matter of never being asked about it.

System

There are some things my OH doesn't know about my childhood and we have been married over 20 yrs.
If something comes up and theres a relevance to it then i will talk about it but its silly to expect couples to know everything about each others past.

Alikay

We've known each other since age 3, have been great friends since mid-teens, and as sort of cousins-in-law we have a lot of shared history and similar backgrounds. Our individual families, though had vastly differing values and we're quite different by nature, so we still have a lot of those "what planet is he/she from??" moments!

System

i'd have thought talking about ones childhood and family would be part of getting to know one another.

lulu_92

OH and I know a fair bit about each other's childhoods, but just through random conversations. To be fair there's things in my life I don't know much about at all, so would be shocked if he knew!

SailorSam

I haven't got a partner, but with ex serious girlfriends i've never kept anything secret. As Judi said even silly little stories from your childhood comes up as you're getting to know one another. And once you do get know each other it seems natural to be open.
My Sister is the complete opposite and nobody ever gets told anything.

Artytarty

I think I know him better than he knows himself! He tends to forge told family stories, details etc but I remember them for both our families. there are some details about my early shield hood memories and my parents divorce I haven't even shared with him though.

snowleopard61

It's hard to imagine anyone not having told a partner anything at all about his/her childhood (perhaps it's a cultural thing? - though it's hard to see why), still less, in the case of the other couple, something as fundamental as adoption.

But I do think some people reminisce much more than others - I do all the time, and tell old anecdotes, hopefully not to the same person more than once! I remember my school life with great affection and in general the past, my own and that of others, interests me very much. My OH, by contrast, doesn't really do this - it's not that he is at all secretive; on the contrary, he's probably the most open and straightforward person I know, and I have spent plenty of time with his family, to whom he's very close. But he just seems to live very much in the moment. He doesn't seem to think or talk often about growing up, or the people he went to school with, etc. I can imagine that unless I thought to ask (sometimes I do and he doesn't even really remember), I wouldn't find out all that much about his childhood.

74jax

I don't really know anything about hubby's childhood. I know where he was born, where he lived. No idea on school, what his exam grades were (other than degree), don't know his best mates name at school, etc. I know his hobbies when a kid and few stories he's told me, but I would say I know very little.


I think he'd know even less of me.


it's not a case of keeping secret, just I would never talk about it.

barbiedoll

My husband and I have often talked about our respective childhoods, despite me coming from a single-parent family, and him having long-time married parents, my upbringing was by far the happier, he had a pretty ghastly childhood.

One of the reasons that I married him is that I can trust him completely. I've told him my darkest secrets and he's told me his. We can speak openly about past lovers/partners, he has never judged me on my mistakes, nor I him. We were in our 30's and 40's when we met so we have plenty of past times to talk about between us.

Even now though, I am still learning about him. Our son is studying drama and I recently commented on how I have no idea where his acting talents have come from, no-one in my family has a theatrical background. My husband then told me that he was given the lead role in his school productions for 5 years in a row and that he would have loved to act for a living but it just wasn't the "done thing" for someone of his background, his parents never even saw him in any of his plays.

I love hearing him talk about his life before he met me. He is far more interesting than I am!

VfM4meplse

Until fairly I only knew the headlines of my dad's childhood (orphaned v young). He only told us - his children - more when we asked, and even then he struggled. Much of his childhood is still blocked out from his memory, it was such a traumatic experience.