How well do you know your partner?

esmy

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If the couple hadn't placed sufficient importance on / seen the need to share their childhood memories with one another, they are unlikely to have told their wider circle that this information has been withheld.

That assumes that couples only share this kind of information with each other and not as individuals with anyone else. Some of the replies on this thread suggest that it's not a given that couples know everything about each other to the exclusion of anyone else having that knowledge.

I agree with you about releasing sensitive information without understanding the consequences

catkins

pigpen wrote: »

It's irrelevant to who we are now.. if stuff comes up in conversation then fine if not why would it be discussed.

I know his favourite colour, food, pair of undies, how to make him smile, how to make him laugh, how he makes me feel... not much else matters.

But surely your childhood is such a big part of your life? It is what probably shaped how you are as an adult.


I can understand if you had an unhappy childhood not wanting to talk about it but not otherwise. Having said that, OH had a pretty miserable childhood on the whole but he has told me about it.

mai_taylor wrote: »

I'm sure I don't know everything but we talk about our childhood and things that happened before we got together because naturally we are interested in each others lives and like sharing our experiences with each other. I know where he used to go on family holidays, I know where he went to school and he's shown me both houses he lived in as a child, I know the big events in his life, what acheivements he's proud of, who his friends were growing up and about past relationships. I know about a very tragic event in his life that he doesn't like to talk about so I don't press him on the subject and I don't feel like I need to know the details. (He told me about this on our second date). I don't know how it's even possible to not know these things when are lives are so linked, when I know his family and he knows mine these things naturally come out.

Exactly. I would think it only natural that things about your childhood come out in different conversations. You may watch something on tv that reminds you of something from your childhood or features a place you where you lived or holidayed. Or an old song comes on the radio and you mention that it was one of your favourites or by your favourite band etc.

AubreyMac wrote: »

Sorry, share what with the world?

Going off topic but interesting discussion none the less.

As for original post, I'm not talking about hiding deep traumatic events from partner. But it does astound me that some do not know basic details especially those that have been together for a long time. There was a thread here not long ago saying some people do not know what their partners did as a job.

I sometimes wonder if couples actual speak to each other very much. I know couples who don't know what their other half does or what they earn or what clothes/ shoe size their partner is which I find strange

gettingtheresometime

AubreyMac wrote: »

There was a thread here not long ago saying some people do not know what their partners did as a job.

I know what my OH job title is but the last 27 years I have no idea what that entails.

gettingtheresometime

Can I just give a non related example of how something can be posted on line and those people be identified ?

About 2 years ago a member posted about a bereavement she had suffered - it was one of those threads that stick in your mind iykwim.

This week, listening to a phone in, there was a caller and I swear it was the member.

Now it might have been it may not have been but if someone read something online and thought that professional is gossiping about me then a whole load of trouble could be caused

74jax

catkins wrote: »

I sometimes wonder if couples actual speak to each other very much. I know couples who don't know what their other half does or what they earn or what clothes/ shoe size their partner is which I find strange

I honestly have no idea what his shoe size is, or his trouser length etc. I don't know exactly what he earns, I have an idea that's all. We do speak, it's just not about his shoe size, and I've never looked. He wouldn't know mine I don't think.

Torry_Quine

catkins wrote: »

But surely your childhood is such a big part of your life? It is what probably shaped how you are as an adult.


I can understand if you had an unhappy childhood not wanting to talk about it but not otherwise. Having said that, OH had a pretty miserable childhood on the whole but he has told me about it.




Exactly. I would think it only natural that things about your childhood come out in different conversations. You may watch something on tv that reminds you of something from your childhood or features a place you where you lived or holidayed. Or an old song comes on the radio and you mention that it was one of your favourites or by your favourite band etc.




I sometimes wonder if couples actual speak to each other very much. I know couples who don't know what their other half does or what they earn or what clothes/ shoe size their partner is which I find strange

I'm with you here. It seems very strange not to know the basics about a spouse/partner such as job, wage etc.

balletshoes

74jax wrote: »

I honestly have no idea what his shoe size is, or his trouser length etc. I don't know exactly what he earns, I have an idea that's all. We do speak, it's just not about his shoe size, and I've never looked. He wouldn't know mine I don't think.

i do know my husband's shoe size, but I don't buy him shoes, or clothes, so have no real need to know his clothes size. He buys his own clothes, and I buy my own.

borkid

AubreyMac wrote: »

I understand nobody outrightly asks "were you adopted, etc" out of the blue, but asking things like "did you enjoy having a younger sibling/being an only child" or "what was she/he like as a parent" is just normal questions in conversations? Also, bringing things up from your childhood can be quite normal too especially when you see something that triggers memories.

Perhaps though, I am just used to asking personal questions in my work and I myself am quite open anyway (to my detriment at times).

Surely it depends a lot on whether the memories are happy or not. I just wanted to forget my childhood and protect my husband and children from it. They know the basics, siblings where I lived etc but not what how I felt/ was treated. We've been together over 40 years, what is important to us is the times we've had together not what happened before.

pigpen

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

As a group, I don't think men talk about all those childhood memories and largely irrelevant facts so much. Stuff will come out if it's relevant to the conversation at hand but it doesn't tend to spill out of its own accord.

Women, as a group, are so delighted to have someone, a captive audience at last, whom they think is fascinated by every last detail about themselves, that the dam bursts and they can't keep it all in!

It's also natural for women to form bonds with the sharing of personal info. Sometimes they over-share but it's meant well. They're doing it to foster a sense of closeness. You're supposed to reciprocate (but many don't notice if you don't!)

Men bond in other ways.

Therefore, I think there's bound to be a bit of a mismatch in background intel!

As a couple neither me nor OH shares anything unless it is relevant to the conversation! .. I don't really tell anyone anything.. it is none of their business.. It isn't a gender thing.. it's a personality thing.. some people like to share others don't!

AubreyMac

I don't believe I gave away anything that is identifiable. I'm not concerned anyway as I've already suggested that it could have been a metaphor to generate this discussion thread. But I do understand about being suspicious of someone, I post on a couple of other message forums and have recognised a couple of other posters (and I know it's definitely them) but this is a separate topic perhaps.

I knew my last partners shoe and trouser size but that coz I mainly did the laundry. There were some stuff that I didn't know until later on as he withheld it due to being ashamed, and it actually only came out by someone else talking about it (whom didn't know it was meant to be a secret). However, that was a big thing and I understand his reasons for being ashamed. I did know of other stuff like holidays he went to and pets he had and what footie team he support. I may not have known what exactly he did in his job day to day but I knew the company he worked for and which office.