The Spreadsheet Diva's MF Diary

Karmacat

Loving kondoing is good!

Interesting that you might be seeing your contribution to things as well - this sort of dynamic takes a long time to get set up, and everyone plays a part. You sound like you're really growing as you explore this, and thats going to give you a *lot* more options! DD too - straight away, she's straight with you, she's climbing the walls :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: not "you should visit" :j you're on your way, Sue! Well done!

CathT

Didn't want to read and run Sue and wish I had some advice to offer re dd and dh. Some wise words from other readers though. Well done with tcb, you might have to chase (stalk) 8T to get your gift card but persistence will pay off!

SueP19

Further words of wisdom required :D:D

I have identified a major flaw or fly in the ointment

OH, how do I stop money burning a hole in his pocket or our bank account.

The background is that over the years, as you know, I have taken the path of least resistance, mainly due to it just being easier to get on and just do. Let me give you a typical example......the cars.

I have had about £500 worth of work on my car done in stages in January and February. At the time I told OH that the couple of small things needed for his car would have to wait till March, ie we spread things out. As soon as we got to the 1st March he has been champing at the bit to "fix" his car. Every weekend he has been going on and on about he needs this and that. In the past I have given in, which I have in part this month, and provided said item immediately with the idea that once that has been bought, that's it BUT that never happens he always finds something else, then something else to need. If I have said no then this results in a full blown row about lack of money and "what have I done with it" which then spirals into "what's the point to life" row....................................I know that this is bullying tactics to make me do as I am told but I have realised that this type of spending is not healthy, in any way....................and after 27 years I want to do it my way, not be constantly robbing the small reserve we have, which never grows because it is robbed. Wellies and boots socks were also a "I need" item this weekend

The other issue I have is that for the past 3 weeks my OH has been passing comment on my car, usual stuff about it needs changing, it won't last much longer, you could do with a reliable car etc etc. Last night the comment was "shame we didn't have £2,000" when I asked why he said a work colleague was selling his car and it would be great for me, oh and would p the neighbours off because it was an Audi!!!! :mad::mad::mad: I just said yeah but inside I was fuming, how childish for a start but the more worrying thing was that we have £1,730 in the cig tin and I know that he is angling to spend the money. The last time he gave up smoking we got to £900 bought something nice then he started smoking again :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: within a week

So any pearls of wisdom guys :D

Moneyfordreams

Don't know, money burns a hole in my pocket more than OH , but maybe that's because I control most of the money :rotfl::rotfl:
... although he does love the supermarket and has been told many times to stop buying stuff !!

This morning he wanted another £10 to buy some eggs and mushrooms for my SW breakfast... I said use the change from yesterdays tenner.. He is good really.

Does your OH have a specific amount to call his own?

A_Frayed_Knot

Hi Sue, will ponder and get back to you.

emm can you remind me what the cig tin money was for, remember something about either holiday/caravan
is that right?

SueP19

No he doesn't MFD

In the past I never had any spare, not a penny, so it was never an option.

I fear that any money would not be enough plus the element of him smoking really makes me cautious, he is used to no money, that I did manage :D:D I don't feel he is financially responsible enough. He did get to keep the £5 left from petrol each week and as far as i can tell he doesn't smoke it, it's enough to buy a paper twice a week and some chocolate, sounds harsh but "no money" came about because we were deeply in debt :mad:

SueP19

A_Frayed_Knot wrote: »

Hi Sue, will ponder and get back to you.

emm can you remind me what the cig tin money was for, remember something about either holiday/caravan
is that right?

He hasn't actually pointed a finger at the tin yet but I know it's coming.

It is for a caravan, this years holiday is costing £1250 (2 weeks, which if we had a van would be half that) :eek::eek::eek::eek: and next year will be the same, so the prospect of using the money and not buying the van at end of year 3 is heartbreaking and to be honest I won't do it, for so many reasons, he needs to see that saving it can reap a good return :T:T:T by not achieving the goal will do far more harm than anything else


Oh and to add a nice ps my bully work colleague used a chance comment about how busy traffic was to comment on "hadn't I finished that job yet" snide remark, I do wonder if he just likes to put me in my place on a monday morning to make him feel good for the rest of the week

Moneyfordreams

Firstly I would move the tin.

I kinda get where you are coming from with the smoking issue, I had it with my OH when his business was struggling and he spent all afternoon in the pub.. I gave him many ultimatums..

I initially kept all of his wages as our bills increased due to him, but I was increasingly resentful of doing everything. At some point I said to him do I demoralise you? When he said yes I did respond with a "well what do you think you do to me **** Bleeep bleep **** "

But thinking about it gave him more cash, him responsibility and trust. Now if he asks me for petrol money I do choke mind you!!

He does have too much spends and is in the process of changing as our bills our changing.

He's off out this afternoon with a friend for the first time in 3 years. If I get home from work and he's ****ed as a newt I won't be impressed..

So not really words of wisdom, but having trust in him again is part of our personal growth

SueP19

To be honest he is not a "big" spender.............it's like food it all harps back to childhood and he has never moved on from poverty. A treat is a magazine or to raid H*lfords for the latest must have shampoo!!!!

It is hard to get him to realise how much these things add up. The ciggie tin is like a burning flame and he is the moth (movie ref there, Chicago) To him £1,700 is such a lot of money but his concept of the cost of things is way off.

Car part message on fleabay yesterday resulted in the guy wanting £70 for a wire mechanism to hold spare wheel up, way too much for me, had thought it would be £40-£50 including post. OH thought it would be.........wait for it £10!!!! I ask you

I hope your OH comes home ok, I am very very lucky that way OH's dad was an alcoholic and so is his sister, put him right off

SueP19

Well on a side issue I have been KonMarie organising

Did the magazines :eek::eek::eek: we had them in piles, some dating back to 2013 :eek::eek::eek::eek:

Needless to say I decide a keep criteria and stuck with it, OH started to panic when he saw them but as I said..............not touched yours :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

He actually likes this idea and does agree his has emotional attachments to most things, so we might have success here :T:T:T