The Spreadsheet Diva's MF Diary

Karmacat

Priorities, Sue, you're right - only you can judge your own priorities.

I'm in severe burnout, its a long time since I've had full days like that, but three things strike me.
1. You're the one that does the supermarket shopping, right? So you control what's bought? Does your OH just go out and buy the things that matter to him?
2. Do you and OH actually communicate? There's no time in that schedule for communication, but maybe at the weekends?
3. As far as the £100 goes, maybe you need to look at it logically. How many hours does it take you to "earn" that extra £100 by working on the food bill? And how many hours would it take you to net that from fleabay or your other business?

SueP19

Oh dear not sure I can explain but I will try

I do buy the shopping. OH doesn't spend any money apart from diesel every week!!

Ok I am a victim of a bully, a control freak bully. I suffer constant critism of everything I do, from food to bills to the house to DD. The result of not buying even one item of his regular food would result in sulking to accusations regarding money to complete depression of what is the point to life. I would suffer this and it would interfere with the very thing I am trying to do which is concentrate what little energy I have left on freeing us off the mortgage.

I was disappointed that very few picked up the fact that my treats are a few nuts a day and a bit if melon I share with the dog. I have cut back on food but it has been my sacrifice, not because I am a martyr but because it's the path of least resistance.

It shouldn't be that way I know but I have learnt over the years to just deal with the hand I have been delt and fighting is futile.
We did have a very good relationship it was me and him against the world until his mum died and the resentment, animosity and anger has just grown.

If you ask him he is fine, not him at all its everyone else.

Currently he is going around saying that everything is going wrong and that is all because his phone played up and his e fag leaked...........not really MSE saving material is he lolol xxx
Thanks Karmacat I will remember the parallel to hours worked etc it's a good one to have up my sleeve xx

Petal88

Oh Sue - big hugs! :grouphug:

SueP19

Thanks Petal xx

shangaijimmy

I've not got much to suggest other than targeting small decreases. Maybe £5 less each week to start with? I am sure you'll find a solution/plan that works for you, it just may take a few trials and some time.

SueP19

Sorry I don't mean my posts or this diary to be negative, I have to be positive, it is my only choice otherwise I would have given up years ago. I hold onto the fact that there is a better life out there :D

Shangai I think that is all I can aim for at the moment on food and to try to control it so it's doesn't run away with itself.

I am/was contemplating showing him the list but know that will create a temper tantrum and blackmail (ie well I won't eat then and yes I have said don't then in the past :rotfl:)

I am forgetting what I have always told DD "work with what you have" by that I mean his overriding problem with food is greed....................if we have 10 bananas he will eat 10, if we have 20 bananas he will eat 20 etc so I think it will be a good idea to use this against him.

Someone mentioned L*dl so on friday I will go to 2 supermarkets, I currently buy a pack of 9 bananas and this week I will buy 6 :D:D Oh the subterfuge.........:rotfl::rotfl: wonder if MI6 wants anyone.

Karmacat

Its huge, Sue, you poor thing. You sound like you've been bullied for a long time, and if you're trying to change that then yes, it's baby steps. And remembering that *because* you're trying to change the dynamic within the family, it may feel worse before it feels better, thats often the way

Lots of hugs xxx

Moneyfordreams

Don't know if this will help,

When I had a stressful job, I broke down things in my head to scores...
" 3 out of 5 ....oooo could have done a bit better there, next time i'll change to include!!"
or
"that's fantastic 10 out of 10 for that one"

think that week was 95%... I'm doing it now in my new job, when the learning seems overwhelming

By the end of the week it was never that bad... a few negative in a sea of positives... Focusing on positives is psychologically more motivating.

My husband knew things had to change in our roles so I backed off from the shopping and the housekeeping and said he could do it... to be fair I was working more hours and him less so more balanced. But it also meant he was the buyer... if he wanted specific things he can get them. his treats.

Give back responsibility to your family.. listen but don't put it on your shoulders.. its their lives.. Personally I would do one either the talk!!! you know.. sit down, explain, say how you are breaking inside and how you need to heal and want their support.....
or the other way would be la..la..la.. i'm not listening to you anymore and it's may way or the highway

Think I've done both versions

Karmacat

Moneyfordreams wrote: »

Don't know if this will help,

When I had a stressful job, I broke down things in my head to scores...
" 3 out of 5 ....oooo could have done a bit better there, next time i'll change to include!!"
or
"that's fantastic 10 out of 10 for that one"

think that week was 95%... I'm doing it now in my new job, when the learning seems overwhelming

By the end of the week it was never that bad... a few negative in a sea of positives... Focusing on positives is psychologically more motivating.

My husband knew things had to change in our roles so I backed off from the shopping and the housekeeping and said he could do it... to be fair I was working more hours and him less so more balanced. But it also meant he was the buyer... if he wanted specific things he can get them. his treats.

Give back responsibility to your family.. listen but don't put it on your shoulders.. its their lives.. Personally I would do one either the talk!!! you know.. sit down, explain, say how you are breaking inside and how you need to heal and want their support.....
or the other way would be la..la..la.. i'm not listening to you anymore and it's may way or the highway

Think I've done both versions

:j:j:j I like that :T

SueP19

Karmacat wrote: »

Its huge, Sue, you poor thing. You sound like you've been bullied for a long time, and if you're trying to change that then yes, it's baby steps. And remembering that *because* you're trying to change the dynamic within the family, it may feel worse before it feels better, thats often the way

Lots of hugs xxx

I agree, to be fair he has improved since DD left (no competition) When we did long hours before Christmas he really reverted into himself and was really really nasty.

DD is like him, very flash in temper (she really hurt me saturday) but she is like me in that it's over quickly

I have 3 people who criticise me heavily in my life OH, DD and a work colleague..............I am/was quite strong but over the years have become more and more downtrodden, that's why I am determined to finish this mortgage by end of 2020 (shhhh didn't say that don't want to jinx it) because it will be ME that's done it, no one else :D:D