The Spreadsheet Diva's MF Diary

Ali-OK

Sorry you're having such a torrid time, I wonder if the NLP way of facing him would help?

He says/does (the horrible things)

You reply '"When you say/do x, I feel y, so please do y (could be refrain from, a more appropriate alternative, etc) in future"

I think a bit of asserting yourself would help here

stewby

Sorry, was just reading through your diary and couldn't run without posting.
If you feel that this person is only being like this to you then it is basically bullying. If you don't want to do anything about it just now, I would keep a diary (you can buy one from the pound shop) and document each time he makes a comment which you class as bullying and making you feel awful.
That way, if six months down the line you decide that you have completely had enough then you can approach your boss with all of these examples.

Personally, I would email my boss and make them aware of the issue but state that you do not wish to take it further at this time. Explain that you are managing to deal with it at the moment.
To me, this means that when you do go to the boss in six months time they are not blindsided or ask you why you didn't go to them sooner.

This is just my opinion of course and it is completely up to you.

Money related stuff... I joined here a few years ago and they advised me to join the Debt Free section first to get rid of the credit card debt before attempting mortgage.
You probably have already done this (I haven't read all your diary yet) but I would check out when your 0% on your debts end.
Even if you divide your money up and put some to debts and some to the mortgage, then it might help you when the 0% deals end.
:undecided

In saying that, I am in no way an expert, just offering advice. Hope you don't think I am interfering, just turning up and posting like this. Good luck with your journey and I will go finish off reading your diary now.

A_Frayed_Knot

What a thing to be going through.

I know it would take a lot of courage not to let them get away with that (and others), it wont happen overnight but you have been given good advice on here, once you confront them you will feel so much better with yourself.

You CAN do this, as others said, just keep to the facts, if you were on a/l, or off sick, they would just have to get on with their own work and deadlines.

You WILL do this, after you have - You'll feel so much better with yourself, honestly.


Go Conquer, we're all behind you:)

SueP19

Thanks Lula, Karmacat, Ali, Stewby and Frayed I really appreciate it alot xx

I am at work early despite my desire to stick one finger up at him, but only because I have loads to do and it's overtime (OP's) and I intended to anyway.

I don't have a problem with how he is except that it upsets me so much, I know I am not guilty of the crimes he says and if he wants to think that way it's his problem (that's common sense talking). It's just that I really need this year to build myself back up from the low place where my head is, I have allowed all these people to bully me because it was easier just to stay quiet and just do, so that's the mental challenge for this year.

Stewby, my debts are all 0% and will remain so. In 2009 I had my first :idea: moment and joined MSE DFW section, when my credit card companies moved my interest to 40% despite never defaulting. I intend to clear the debts and have been working on them yesterday, my estimation (based on current payments) is a DF date of Jan 2021. I hope to do this by Oct 2018

Ideally I would like the DF date to be before the MF date Just so I can enjoy the moment, it's been a long time coming

lulabelle1

I honestly think that you should address the issue with this chap - I think that if you continue to let it go it will affect your confidence. You say that you don't have a problem with his behaviour, but the fact that it makes you feel this way and that you're compelled to write about it, suggests that you definitely do have a problem with it.

Karma and Ali have made some brilliant suggestions as to how you could tackle it, it's definitely worth giving it some thought.

I think that tackling this issue will help you to rebuild your confidence

SueP19

Thanks Lula

I understand what you are saying but we are a very small firm and my boss, bless him, took 3 years to deal with the bullying of the office manager which was day in day out, he only dealt with it when he found her to have been paid for 5 days and only working 3 a week. The final straw was when she demanded I be docked a week's pay just before Christmas one year because of the snow. Now before anyone says anything about my boss he has been my saviour and lent me quite a bit of money in this last year to fend off the bailiffs. This industry is very old fashioned and they still ask you if you intend to have babies :eek::eek::eek:

It's not a job I intend to leave and I was the last one in having now worked here over 16 years.

I wrote about it because for the last few years I have had no counsel at all and shouldered everything, faceache is not one for personal bits but here is anonymous and this board is so kind, more than any other.

I agree that I should have a ready quip ready, he should not be allowed to speak this way and Roman wasn't built in a day.

Karmacat

SueP19 wrote: »

I agree that I should have a ready quip ready, he should not be allowed to speak this way and Roman wasn't built in a day.

That's true. I was going to write more but I think we've probably written enough :kisses3: It's just a reflection of how unfair the situation sounds.

I'm glad your boss is a good'un! If it takes him a long time to deal with stuff, then he probably needs to know sooner rather than later - sorry, I couldn't resist one last bit

Take care.

SueP19

Day 38

Well what a day yesterday was :mad: that followed by more :mad::mad: followed by :T

I had the opportunity to address that work colleague and as suspected he tried to justify it but I was having none of it (yet again)

Stayed late and that was my first :mad: OH threw a wobbler because I was not at home, demanding to know where I was, at work I says, why he says, because it's January and I am busy I say, you never said he says, no I never do I say, you never have before he says..................all in a very aggressive tone, so at that point I slammed phone down................cried all way home and rest of evening in silence.

Other :mad::mad: DD's fridge is broke(in her flat), reported and she was waiting for a new one, last night the whole contents of small freezer box has defrosted.............lend £30 for food

Bet your wondering where the :T comes in, got home and our dog ( a rescue who is scared of women) sat next to me and leaned into my leg, a small but huge gesture, made me cry again

On money front tilly tidy shaping up nice, £8.74 since the first so very happy with that. Waiting for OH payday tomorrow to pay another OP, not heard from mortgage company so it seems it's alright unless they lost the payment

Also re registered for TCB and got a couple of quotes to start the ball rolling :money: and played with my snowball to see what it would take to be MF by Dec 2020, on paper this is doable with OH overtime at the back end of the year :eek::eek::eek::eek: I waste money and it must stop

A_Frayed_Knot

Good for you - just waiting your chance:T

Maybe OH was just worried about you, with the weather and road as they are just now.

Shame about DD's fridge - but surely the food would still have been ok to cook, and eat for that day and possibly next, unless, of course, it was ice cream she had in there:) £30 should more than cover DD's meals for a week and longer. (Hope your adding it all up:D - I hear you say - don't worry I'll take instalments:D or something like - Oh, I'm £30 short for a bill that needs paying:D, any chance .....):D

Awww, the dog knows and can sense if a person is true and kind hearted, they can also sense when something is wrong and you need comfort, so sounds like that's what they were doing:) Lovely gesture:)

Great TT done and o/p so far. :A:A

SueP19

Oh yeah I will demand my £30 on payday (it came from Christmas fund:D) Not sure the freezer compartment had £30 in it :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

OH was worried, he panics, which I can cope with it's just the attitude I can't :mad:

Monthly shopping seems to be working went to Mr M this am and it was £40 but that included dog tins for rest of month £10 and a joint (cheapest way to do meat pies as was offer )

TCB looks good, did have a go before but only half hearted, just picked up £58 of Lancome for £29.50 plus free perfume (fleabay for that) and got £1.82 TCB not bad

Made OP no 2 today of £50, was going to be £100 but it meant I have quite a bit of holiday balance due :T