Should I subsidise others' meals?

Pollycat

Ebenezer_Screwj wrote: »

So, you had intended splitting the cost of Christmas lunch? Why are you inviting these people if you can't afford it? As for the uninvited guests, you know where you can tell them to go. Just contribute what you can afford, or better still, forget the whole stupid farce and stay away. Welcome to Christmas, the season of gross over indulgence and false bonhomie.

The OP intended paying for the 10 family members.
It's the sister who's invited extra people.

With the sentiments expressed in your last 2 sentences, there's a thread on this board that's right up your street - towards the bottom of page 1 or might have dropped onto page 2.

Petra_70

thorsoak wrote: »

Don't worry Petra ....I don't think that you and I would ever consider each other an acquaintance let alone a friend - our attitudes don't ever seem to be along the same lines - so you wouldn't be getting an invite!

Have a good Christmas, though!
Actually, at Christmas, everyone who comes to me for Christmas dinner is treated as part of the family ...and family has to muck in and help!

That comment is irrelevant as I was saying if I WAS invited, I would decline.

And I can assure you that I wouldn't lose any sleep over not getting invited by you to your house. In fact, from comments I have seen from you in the the past, about the way you treat guests, it would be a relief to not be invited!

I mean, according to THIS thread, you won't even allow people to ask for condiments. This; along with being made to peel my own potatoes and sprouts, when I have been ASKED to dinner, means I can't think of many things worse than being invited to your house for a meal.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/69069617#Comment_69069617

I bet I would have my hand slapped if I dared to try and leave the table without asking.

If your idea of 'treating people like family' is getting them to do chores, and refusing them condiments when they ask, then I feel grateful I am not part of your family.

And you are quite right; no WAY would we ever be acquaintances, let alone friends. I would make very sure of that if I knew you.

And please don't pretend that you care about me having a good Christmas; it's nauseating,..

maman

Pollycat wrote: »

The OP intended paying for the 10 family members.
It's the sister who's invited extra people.

With the sentiments expressed in your last 2 sentences, there's a thread on this board that's right up your street - towards the bottom of page 1 or might have dropped onto page 2.

The OP is a mse employee that has nothing better to do than waste their time coming up with hypotheticals. I find it patronising. People on here have enough weird and wonderful RL scenarios.

Pollycat

maman wrote: »

The OP is a mse employee that has nothing better to do than waste their time coming up with hypotheticals. I find it patronising. People on here have enough weird and wonderful RL scenarios.

Really?
Quelle surprise!

I used the term 'OP' loosely - as you would have surmised from my comments on this specific thread & other 'MSE dilemmas'.
But Hey! Ho! Well done! :cool:

Maybe you should contact MSE & tell them how patronising you find these 'weeky dilemmas'......

elizabethhull

I always thought prosecco was ham Turns out I was getting confused with prosciutto. You can guess I'm a non-drinker, can't you!!

heartbreak_star wrote: »

My mum and myself get invited to Christmas dinner with OH's family. Generally she takes prosecco and I take chocolates. We did offer cash towards it once but they were more than happy for us to bring wine and sweets.

HBS x

elizabethhull

What the OP 'should' do has been well discussed, but I've been appalled to read that some people think they can swan over to the house of a family member and apparently sit around & expect to be waited on hand and foot. And if that's not the exact meaning, it's certainly the way it comes across.

The peeling of veg, serving up, washing-up going on in the background - all these were eagerly pounced on by my family as the fun bits. I've actually had to buy more kitchen knives because it was apparently so much fun in the kitchen that those in the lounge felt left out !
A few years later on, Xmas Eve was designated veg preparation evening, and even both sons-in-law were very happy to join in. If it's a chore inflicted on unwilling guests, there's something sadly wrong !

One of the happiest memory of my sadly recently deceased sister-in-law was her first Xmas at our house, knowing nothing about how we did things, standing at the door to the kitchen and saying 'Command me' !

Petra_70

elizabethhull wrote: »

What the OP 'should' do has been well discussed, but I've been appalled to read that some people think they can swan over to the house of a family member and apparently sit around & expect to be waited on hand and foot. And if that's not the exact meaning, it's certainly the way it comes across.

The peeling of veg, serving up, washing-up going on in the background - all these were eagerly pounced on by my family as the fun bits. I've actually had to buy more kitchen knives because it was apparently so much fun in the kitchen that those in the lounge felt left out !
A few years later on, Xmas Eve was designated veg preparation evening, and even both sons-in-law were very happy to join in. If it's a chore inflicted on unwilling guests, there's something sadly wrong !

One of the happiest memory of my sadly recently deceased sister-in-law was her first Xmas at our house, knowing nothing about how we did things, standing at the door to the kitchen and saying 'Command me' !

What an utterly bizarre post.

And what an utterly bizarre attitude.

I have never ever been invited ANYwhere and been expected to start peeling my own spuds and sprouts. Who invites people over to dinner and expects them to start chipping in with the preparation and cooking? How rude.

I would NEVER expect anyone to ask me to do that, and it's nothing to do with saying COMMAND ME. What on earth are you on about? :huh: When you ask people to dinner, they are your GUEST; you are MEANT to wait on them, not give them a list of chores FGS. I have literally never heard anything like this.

Similarly, if *I* was having a dinner party, I would never ever expect people to chip in and help. I have more respect for my friends and family than that. They are my guests, not my servants.

If I was asked to dinner and was treated like you & Thorsoak treat your guests, you would never have the pleasure of my company again.

I am baffled at yours/Thorsoak's attitude.

Genuinely.

I don't know anyone, anywhere who thinks like you. Like I said, me, and everyone I know, have more respect for our guests. To expect them to do what you are expecting is extremely rude.

Peter333

thorsoak wrote: »

Don't worry Petra ....I don't think that you and I would ever consider each other an acquaintance let alone a friend - our attitudes don't ever seem to be along the same lines - so you wouldn't be getting an invite!

Have a good Christmas, though!

Edited to add :

Actually, at Christmas, everyone who comes to me for Christmas dinner is treated as part of the family ...and family has to muck in and help!

Petra_70 wrote: »

That comment is irrelevant as I was saying if I WAS invited, I would decline.

And I can assure you that I wouldn't lose any sleep over not getting invited by you to your house. In fact, from comments I have seen from you in the the past, about the way you treat guests, it would be a relief to not be invited!

I mean, according to THIS thread, you won't even allow people to ask for condiments. This; along with being made to peel my own potatoes and sprouts, when I have been ASKED to dinner, means I can't think of many things worse than being invited to your house for a meal.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/69069617#Comment_69069617

I bet I would have my hand slapped if I dared to try and leave the table without asking.

If your idea of 'treating people like family' is getting them to do chores, and refusing them condiments when they ask, then I feel grateful I am not part of your family.

And you are quite right; no WAY would we ever be acquaintances, let alone friends. I would make very sure of that if I knew you.

And please don't pretend that you care about me having a good Christmas; it's nauseating,..

elizabethhull wrote: »

What the OP 'should' do has been well discussed, but I've been appalled to read that some people think they can swan over to the house of a family member and apparently sit around & expect to be waited on hand and foot. And if that's not the exact meaning, it's certainly the way it comes across.

The peeling of veg, serving up, washing-up going on in the background - all these were eagerly pounced on by my family as the fun bits. I've actually had to buy more kitchen knives because it was apparently so much fun in the kitchen that those in the lounge felt left out !
A few years later on, Xmas Eve was designated veg preparation evening, and even both sons-in-law were very happy to join in. If it's a chore inflicted on unwilling guests, there's something sadly wrong !

One of the happiest memory of my sadly recently deceased sister-in-law was her first Xmas at our house, knowing nothing about how we did things, standing at the door to the kitchen and saying 'Command me' !

I have to say. I am also puzzled with Elizabeth Hull and Thorsoak's stance. I have been asked to dinner many times by work colleagues and family and friends and neighbours, and I can honestly say that I have never ever been asked to help with the meal. It's generally ready when I get to the house! I would find it very odd to be asked to start preparing and cooking my own meal, if I was asked to someone's house for dinner.

I also disagree that people are being lazy or rude or expecting people to wait on them hand and foot,' if they 'expect' things to be ready or done for them. Surely that is the point of someone asking them to dinner?! When people are asked to dinner, the host generally serves them, and accommodates them. I simply can't imagine inviting friends and family over, and then asking them to prepare and cook their own food. :rotfl:

This is definitely a new one on me, and it's very odd. Offer to help wash up/clean up after maybe yes, but be invited to dinner and be asked to prepare and cook it? What?! :eek:

This is very strange, and yes, I agree it's quite rude and not an appropriate way to treat guests.

elizabethhull

It just goes to show how 'bizarre', 'rude' and 'fun' are experienced and interpreted differently. I would agree with you if a friend or acquaintance had issued the invite, but family ? Don't most families muck in ? All the ones I know do.

We obviously know different people ! Don't even your children automatically help out ? Set the table ?

I must add, by the way, that although I don't understand your attitude any more than you understand mine, I would defend to the death your right to express it!!

Petra_70 wrote: »

What an utterly bizarre post.

And what an utterly bizarre attitude.

I have never ever been invited ANYwhere and been expected to start peeling my own spuds and sprouts. Who invites people over to dinner and expects them to start chipping in with the preparation and cooking? How rude.

I would NEVER expect anyone to ask me to do that, and it's nothing to do with saying COMMAND ME. What on earth are you on about? :huh: When you ask people to dinner, they are your GUEST; you are MEANT to wait on them, not give them a list of chores FGS. I have literally never heard anything like this.

Similarly, if *I* was having a dinner party, I would never ever expect people to chip in and help. I have more respect for my friends and family than that. They are my guests, not my servants.

If I was asked to dinner and was treated like you & Thorsoak treat your guests, you would never have the pleasure of my company again.

I am baffled at yours/Thorsoak's attitude.

Genuinely.

I don't know anyone, anywhere who thinks like you. Like I said, me, and everyone I know, have more respect for our guests. To expect them to do what you are expecting is extremely rude.

Peter333

elizabethhull wrote: »

It just goes to show how 'bizarre', 'rude' and 'fun' are experienced and interpreted differently. I would agree with you if a friend or acquaintance had issued the invite, but family ? Don't most families muck in ? All the ones I know do.

We obviously know different people !

I must add, by the way, that although I don't understand your attitude any more than you understand mine, I would defend to the death your right to express it.

NO.

If me and my lady wife invite people for dinner; colleagues, neighbours, friends, OR family, we would certainly not expect them to prepare and cook their own flippin' meal!

In my 50-odd years of life, I have never heard of such strange behaviour.

Come to dinner, but bring your apron and oven gloves because you will be preparing and cooking it yourself!!! WTAF?!