Should I subsidise others' meals?

Petra_70

thorsoak wrote: »

Personally, I wouldn't want to split the costs of a Christmas dinner with anyone else - I prefer to pay for it all myself - and to hell with the additional costs - I can "stew the canary" as my mother would say - for the rest of the year.

If, for once, I cannot push the boat out and spend all that I can afford (and maybe a bit more) and invite as many people as will come (even if they have to sit on garden chairs and eat off paper plates) then life is hardly worth calling life - and Christmas is a once a year day when, in my world, we welcome as many people as possible - including friends of friends if they would be on their own. No-one will get roaring drunk (a bit tipsy, maybe), everyone who comes will be given a bowl of spuds to peel/brussels to prepare etc etc etc but no-one would be asked for a financial contribution.

May not be very MSE - but it is, in my life, life-enhancing!

Well I would politely decline your offer of dinner, if I was expected to sit there peeling sprouts and potatoes, and helping cook the meal. That's awful etiquette, inviting people around and telling them they need to peel their own veg! That's no way to treat guests!

lisa110rry wrote: »

This puts me in mind of something that happened when I was sub ten (almost half a century ago and in another country). A woman with an only child, a daughter, invited my mother and me to Christmas lunch. After the lunch the woman got out a pile of receipts, totted up the cost and asked my Mum for half. Mother was so angry at the rudeness! I can still see the family anger trait of nostril-flaring. The kid wasn't even a particular friend of mine, we just went to the same school, and the mother wasn't a friend of my mother. I did get our own back though, unwittingly. The child still believed in Father Christmas and I put her straight (not realising I shouldn't do that).

What a cheek!

In answer to the OP, no I would not go half if she was inviting more people!

thorsoak

Don't worry Petra ....I don't think that you and I would ever consider each other an acquaintance let alone a friend - our attitudes don't ever seem to be along the same lines - so you wouldn't be getting an invite!

Have a good Christmas, though!

Edited to add :

Actually, at Christmas, everyone who comes to me for Christmas dinner is treated as part of the family ...and family has to muck in and help!

Pollycat

thorsoak wrote: »

Don't worry Petra ....I don't think that you and I would ever consider each other an acquaintance let alone a friend - our attitudes don't ever seem to be along the same lines - so you wouldn't be getting an invite!

Have a good Christmas, though!

I wouldn't mind peeling spuds or sprouts - it would be the eating Christmas dinner off paper plates!
Doesn't the gravy make them go soggy? :snow_laug
Merry Christmas anyway. :santa2:
:xmassmile:xmastree:

thorsoak

...you have to use 2 or 3 paper plates (on top of each other) - or perhaps bring your own :-D

Pollycat

thorsoak wrote: »

...you have to use 2 or 3 paper plates (on top of each other) - or perhaps bring your own :-D

That's it then, I'm on my way.
I'll even bring my own peeler.

foolofbeans

avogadro wrote: »

I would not expect to charge or be charged for attending a family meal.

We have been charged previously by SIL for attending a big Christmas dinner. It was all agreed beforehand that she was cooking Christmas dinner but didn't want to pay for the whole cost herself. I think we paid about £30 for our family unit and there were five family units including SIL. I'm not sure if she charged her parents though!
There was some mutterings after the event that it wasn't exactly a banquet and that SIL may have even made money from it but I was happy that our Christmas dinner only cost £30 which is a bargain in my eyes. Everybody helped out with the prep as that's what families do.
Last year we went to another SIL's for Christmas dinner. We bought flowers, wine and dessert and then found out that yet another SIL was invited but was paying for half of the dinner. We were a little mortified as no cost had been mentioned to us and so we offered some money. SIL wouldn't accept it but in the end we agreed to pay her £20 as that is all she would accept. I wish I had known beforehand as I may have adjusted the amount I spent on the things we brought but I still feel we had a very cheap Christmas dinner.
This year mum invited herself to our house and she has offered to buy most of the dinner and she will cook it as that's what she likes to do. Win-win for us! We invited DH's parents for dinner but this was only after talking to mum as seeing as she was footing the majority of the bill it seemed fair to make sure she was happy about more mouths to feed. I needn't have worried as mum loves to feed people and has always believed the more the merrier at Christmas.

In regards to OP...I see nothing wrong in contributing financially to Christmas dinner but you do need to speak to your sister and just state that you had only budgeted a certain amount and her invitations to others are beyond your ability to pay. I believe it is good manners to ask what you should bring to a dinner and more so at a Christmas dinner. If guests do not offer then it is reasonable to delegate specific items to people. As a PP said everybody can afford a box of crackers or a couple of lumps of cheese - after all they are getting their Christmas dinner for free!

foolofbeans

Petra_70 wrote: »

Well I would politely decline your offer of dinner, if I was expected to sit there peeling sprouts and potatoes, and helping cook the meal. That's awful etiquette, inviting people around and telling them they need to peel their own veg! That's no way to treat guests!

I would usually OFFER to help out not wait to be asked. Christmas dinner is special and therefore I would assume the people who are invited to your house are family or very close friends and so it would not be a formal dinner situation and everybody would muck in knowing there is so much more involved than a usual Sunday roast.
Of course if I had invited a lonely elder neighbour who I maybe didn't know too well I would not ask them to assist and would instead tell them to relax with a drink or come and talk to me in the kitchen while I prepare dinner.

SandraDJ

There was another lively thread a few years ago where the OP joined in with additional information.

This is a seasonal dilemma. I would have thought that in an instance like this the guests would have offered to contribute something, given that it is a meal for a large group of people.

It's easy to agree to something like going 50/50 without considering the consequences. Why don't people talk to one another?

heartbreak_star

thorsoak wrote: »

Actually, at Christmas, everyone who comes to me for Christmas dinner is treated as part of the family ...and family has to muck in and help!

That's how my family always did it - we used to get together with another family over Christmas (both small families, joined up to make a big one!) and Christmas Eve we'd go over there to "prepare" Christmas Day.

The chaps would generally wash the best crockery/cutlery and prep the turkey in the roasting tin, and the ladies would peel spuds and chop veg. All accompanied by Christmas films and songs and copious amounts of beer, wine, and bacon sandwiches! To me, that was always one of the best parts of my teenage Christmases, there was always such a lovely atmosphere.

It's a good job we lived within walking distance

HBS x

Ebenezer_Screwj

So, you had intended splitting the cost of Christmas lunch? Why are you inviting these people if you can't afford it? As for the uninvited guests, you know where you can tell them to go. Just contribute what you can afford, or better still, forget the whole stupid farce and stay away. Welcome to Christmas, the season of gross over indulgence and false bonhomie.