Flo's Debt Free Diary

Karonher

Is the part time job you have seen in any way connected to your present role or company? if not you could try and if after a few weeks it was too much then leave. You would have made something to pay back your OH

Would OH be happy with bits back at a time? If so could you look for mystery shopping or surveys? Surveys can take a couple of months to build to cash out but over the year you could have a few payments made, money from mystery shops and anything you can pay back from your wages. He must have realised that it would not be paid back overnight.

I know you don't WANT to have more credit, but maybe a loan for say £500 meaning you could give him a lump sum and chip away at the rest. I imagine that would be less than £50 a month to repay.

Would he be happy with just £100 a month back? With the loan, you are covered for 5 months and are giving yourself time to get a little put away for future months.

reality_check

You can't work 7 days a week!! Not on top of full time with such a massive commute each day. Well, of course you can, but you will burn yourself out, have zero time with your OH and it's not healthy to work so much!! I don't think many people could cope with working so much!! £1000 is a lot of money, but make cut backs elsewhere - eat beans on toast for a month for dinner if you have to but don't work 7 days a week!! Try survey sites and see how you get on with them? xx

Florence_J

Karonher wrote: »

Is the part time job you have seen in any way connected to your present role or company? if not you could try and if after a few weeks it was too much then leave. You would have made something to pay back your OH

Would OH be happy with bits back at a time? If so could you look for mystery shopping or surveys? Surveys can take a couple of months to build to cash out but over the year you could have a few payments made, money from mystery shops and anything you can pay back from your wages. He must have realised that it would not be paid back overnight.

I know you don't WANT to have more credit, but maybe a loan for say £500 meaning you could give him a lump sum and chip away at the rest. I imagine that would be less than £50 a month to repay.

Would he be happy with just £100 a month back? With the loan, you are covered for 5 months and are giving yourself time to get a little put away for future months.

reality_check wrote: »

You can't work 7 days a week!! Not on top of full time with such a massive commute each day. Well, of course you can, but you will burn yourself out, have zero time with your OH and it's not healthy to work so much!! I don't think many people could cope with working so much!! £1000 is a lot of money, but make cut backs elsewhere - eat beans on toast for a month for dinner if you have to but don't work 7 days a week!! Try survey sites and see how you get on with them? xx

Thank you for your advice guys

I am still unsure what to do. The job I have seen is in Finance, so it is an area close to my heart, it would be related but different to my current role so would be a new set of relevant skills and could potentially be enjoyable and of benefit to some sort of long term career plan.

But I am dreading it.

I am not entirely certain if I am loving my new job as well.

I haven't applied yet, but I haven't decided to not apply either.

doingitanyway

It sounds as if your heart isn't in it...

Florence_J

doingitanyway wrote: »

It sounds as if your heart isn't in it...

Well, I would definitely prefer to not work 7 days in a row for 5 months, but I can't pay off my debts, save for Christmas, pay back OH and try to have some essence of a social life.

I am already doing a No Spend Year in the sense I am not buying 'stuff' (e.g. clothes, books, 'things') but can socialise and spend money on that, but I have considered doing a Michelle McGagh style No Spend Year where I don't spend my money on anything other than bills and food until the debt is cleared.

I probably wouldn't be having much of a social life anyway if I worked 7 days a week......

I don't know what to do.

My trouble is I have low self esteem and deep down I kind of believe I should be suffering at all times and punishing myself for everything because that is all I deserve, so I feel like I am 'letting myself off the hook' if I don't work 7 days a week. Like I am being too kind to myself, and I'm sure everyone here would say I can be kind to myself, but the whole 'low self esteem' thing means I consider myself to be worthless and therefore being kind and not suffering would be indecent. sorry to go off at a tangent and be all depressing, I just wanted to explain it a little bit more.

I'm trying to gear myself up and be like 'It will be great content for your blog' but that is sort of sacrificing myself for my art....

I don't know what to do.

Florence_J

I'll explain one thing a bit further.

OH has never had any trouble with money, saves well, and is responsible and careful with money. For him being 'frivolous' with money would involve buying 2 CDs second hand on Amazon for the total cost of £5. And even then he would get buyers remorse.

Like me OH doesn't drive and has no serious vices other than he is an artist and has to buy oil paints which are expensive.

OH has about the same level of money in his current account as I do debt.

So it seems like OH could survive without the money B U T .......

OH has over the 6 years of our relationship lent me money and supported me to an astronomical amount. I know the full amount, I once revealed it on here, but don't really want to do so again. Basically it probably would be a good deposit for a home, that's the sort of amount we are talking.

So, if he is in no hurry for that money back, then why the need for the £1000+?

Well, I guess it comes down to this.

OH HATES his job. I once briefly temped in his department and I can confirm it is a thankless task. It is a high volume of work (quite frankly everyone apart from those higher up would see sense that it is an unrealistic level of work they have to do) for NO praise, no support, no nothing. As OH and I are friends with all his work colleagues I can tell you that ALL of them have gone over their yearly allowance of sick days due to stress. OH has become so stressed that he frequently has insomnia to the extent that he was prescribed sleeping tablets and is ill ALL the time.

So simple solution, OH should get a new job, it sounds simple doesn't it?

Except, I think what is holding OH back is the fact he may feel he should stay in the job so that at least one of us can have a secure income (his contract is permanent, mine is fixed term) and I think deep down he feels he needs to support me and wants to be sure he has the money to do so.

I can see how miserable my OH is in his job, and if me being carp with money is preventing him from leaving, then I don't want to be that reason any longer.

Ultimately, I owe him money, therefore I should pay him back, it is simple. Now I know you all know I am not suggesting I wouldn't pay him back, but £1000 isn't an insignificant amount of money.

I am actually feeling I have made a mistake in taking this new job. Maybe I should have waited to see if I would get a job in my home town, but that couldn't be determined, I had to do what felt right at the time.

I feel quite stressed at the moment, but this could be hormone related, and I haven't even got a second job yet.

reality_check

Maybe just don't go and see Queen then?! I know it would be great if it's your favourite band, but maybe this would motivate you to clear debt and not build it back up again once and for all as this will be a reminder of something you missed out on and turn it into a positive?! xx

pippy1971

Hello Flo,

I've not been on MSE for some time and having spent today feeling sorry for myself with a tooth abcess I have been sitting on the sofa looking for some inspriation by reading diaries.

I've read yours from start to finish and I've subscribed. The main thing that stirkes me is that you are far too hard on yourself. You most certainly don't deserve to be suffering and punishing yourself all the time.

I dont think that working seven days a week is good for mental or physical health, when I'm tired everything seems much worse and it's harder to cope with everything.

Maybe you should approach your partner and ask him what is an acceptable time frame to repay him and offer to set up a standing order in to his bank account each month to show your commitment to repaying it.

I use an app called Digi Pill to help me relax and get off to sleep, I've heard Pacifica is also good. Try and keep up your exercise, it's a great mood booster. Have you seen Mind over Marathon on iplayer? I found it quite inspirational. The pain in your shins that you've been describing does sound like shin splints, I found some useful exercises on a runners website that helped me. if you do an internet search for shin splints exercises you'll see some on a running website that help.

Hope you're feeling more positive soon and try to be kinder to yourself.

Pippy

armchairexpert

My OH hasn't exactly demanded the money back, but he did say on Thursday when I told him I had been dramatically underpaid at work due to the time out of work that i should consider a part time job.
He has been dead set against two jobs before that, so this is him in the nicest way possible saying 'Give me my money'

I think what is holding OH back is the fact he may feel he should stay in the job so that at least one of us can have a secure income (his contract is permanent, mine is fixed term) and I think deep down he feels he needs to support me and wants to be sure he has the money to do so.

There is a lot of guessing going on in these posts. I agree that you should pay him back, of course, but also he knows that your income is unstable and that you're already in debt - because you're in debt to him! And he lent you the money for the tickets against that background.

Sit him down and tell him that you're worried about paying him back the money and you have two options: here's a timeline for paying him back fast and here's a timeline for paying him back more slowly, what would he feel about not seeing you on the weekends etc? Don't get ahead of yourself and start projecting that he can't change jobs because he feels he has to support you and that's your fault and you should make it up to him - for starters, even if it's true, he's an adult and he's choosing his own priorities and that's a thing he is doing, you're not making him do it. You're not responsible for his life choices any more than he is responsible for yours. But also, it just might not be that at all! Sit him down, talk to him, don't live in your own head about what dreadful things you may have caused by being you.

crazy_cat_lady

This ^^^^
You're not a mind reader, and you're projecting your 'worst case' thoughts into the situation. Totally normal with anxiety etc, but you need to talk to him about it. You're both stressed out and feeling rubbish at the moment so it's hard not to see things with a negative spin on it.
I echo what others have said, I don't think you should consider a 7 day a week job - even for 5 months. Your own health isn't worth the money.