Flo's Debt Free Diary

dottydebts

Sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she gets herself better soon.

Kitten868

How did you find out about your mum? Did she tell you or someone else? I think you've done the right thing though. Sorry Flo! xxx

Florence_J

Well the story goes like this.

On the 2nd of Feb I got what turned out to be my last text for a while from my mum. I'll admit I am not the best at contacting people due to my social phobia of telephone conversations, but my mum knows this and we do talk regularly.

On Valentines day I realised it had been a while since I spoke to my mum and tried phoning her. It went straight to voicemail, which is unusual, but I left a message.

I got no response which is also highly unusual. On Thurs 16th I tried calling again and it went straight to voicemail again.

I hate to say it but we are all on 'red alert' around my mum due to her past and her anxiety so I knew this was highly odd and I contacted my brother to ask if he had heard anything about mum.

He told me that earlier that day my Cousin's husband, who had been suffering from cancer, had passed away. He also told me that my Grandad, my mum's dad, could no longer live independently and would soon be moving to a home.

I knew that my Mum would have heard this news and would be devastated, particularly about her Dad as she absolutely adores him.

I tried phoning her again, straight to voicemail.

I tried phoning twice more over the next few days, and on the 20th of Feb I got a text from her saying she didn't feel up to talking to people but would contact me when she could again.

On the 26th of Feb I got an email from my Aunt asking if I had heard from my mum. Due to the fact I was checking these emails late after returning from the hen party I saw that she had sent a follow up email saying she had just spoken to my mum and that my mum said she didn't want her phone on all the time at the moment.

Yesterday I was in Bristol to watch the football. I got a call from my Aunt J, my mum's twin sister. My Aunt J asked if I had heard from my mum or knew what was going on. I had spoken to my Aunt J recently about my mum but had heard nothing more. My Aunt J said that my mum had just called her and left a cryptic message saying 'The situation had imploded' but neither of us knew what that meant.

I tried phoning my mum after that and just like before it went straight to voice mail.

I told my boyfriend, and the thing is my mum lives in a little village outside of Bristol so we could have gone to her, but we didn't know what the best thing to do was.

A little while later I saw I had missed a call from my Aunt J and I called her back.

My Aunt J said that she had spoken to my mum, that my mum was !!!!ed, that she had had a huge argument with the man she lives with (long story for another day, but short story is they met in rehab and did use to be in a relationship together) who had goaded my mum by saying 'we all knew this is what would happen'

So I don't know how long my mum has been drinking for because since the 2nd of February I have had 2 texts from her and no more. It could just be a one off incident yesterday. It could be more than one day. I don't think any of us know.

I expect this to get a lot worse before it gets better. I don't think you can have just one incident of drinking to excess after 15 years of sobriety.

armchairexpert

Flo, I'm so sorry. I think you're doing the right thing, for what that's worth.

I stopped drinking a few years ago because I felt that I was on the road to alcoholism, and I spent a lot of time reading about recovery and relapse and all of that. The usual wisdom seems to be that you start drinking where you left off: there's no re-set button for an alcoholic. That doesn't mean she won't be able to recover again, but if her drinking was bad enough 15 years ago that you couldn't be around her, that's where it'll be now until she finds a way to recover. Staying away is your best bet, although it must hurt like crazy.

Huge support from across the world x

motivated

:grouphug: Hi Flo


sending you a virtual hug and just to say im sorry that things are not so good at the moment. Try and keep your chin up and I hope your mum recovers very soon.
M

Florence_J

Hi all,

I have still not personally spoken to my mum but I found out from my brother who spoke to her on Monday that she has begun an at home detox monitored by her doctor.

I have not spoken to my mum but may call her tomorrow. I have sent her her mother's day present and a card/letter I wrote explaining how I felt.

She may have hurt me, and herself, but I don't like the idea of her being alone/depressed on Mother's day.

I don't have much else to say. I paid 200 quid off the overdraft today, I have done some chores, I am just plodding along.

jvr

Hi


Read through your diary over the last week, firstly I'm sorry about your mum that must be really difficulty knowing what to do for the best.
Your comments on my diary really helped me not to sink into a blame game over having to put the insurance on the overdraft and in effect increase me debt. What amazes me is that being unemployed you managed to keep your debt increase so low, its incredible! fingers crossed something comes up before April for you. your diary has been lovely to read and I am stealing some ideas for my own journey. Starting where you started probably with good old envelopes!


x

Florence_J

jvr wrote: »

Hi


Read through your diary over the last week, firstly I'm sorry about your mum that must be really difficulty knowing what to do for the best.
Your comments on my diary really helped me not to sink into a blame game over having to put the insurance on the overdraft and in effect increase me debt. What amazes me is that being unemployed you managed to keep your debt increase so low, its incredible! fingers crossed something comes up before April for you. your diary has been lovely to read and I am stealing some ideas for my own journey. Starting where you started probably with good old envelopes!


x

Thank you JVR. :j

I think we should all remember that getting into debt is relatively easy, and getting out of it is much harder. Everyone's getting into debt story is unique and how they get out of it will be unique, so it would be easy to look at someone and think that because it seems to be going well that that will be the only way to do it, when really we should keep in mind we can only do what we can.

I think some of what I was trying to say made sense. :rotfl:

Florence_J

I have a Saturday to myself as the OH is visiting his friends, and I have the exciting plans of watching what he would call 'TERRIBLE AMERICAN COMEDIES' (things like The Goldbergs and Big Bang Theory which are my guilty pleasures) and tidying up. I have done a food shop, will make a nice interesting dinner (he likes bland things) and maybe, just maybe, I will rock the boat and have a gin and tonic.

Ok I will definitely be having a gin and tonic.

Thank you once again JVR I have a job interview on Monday at the same place I have just left, but in FINANCE, so naturally this is very exciting.

I have also seen a few more finance-y type roles in South Wales including a debt advisor role, which would be my dream, although I am concerned that my social anxiety would prevent me from doing it well as I'm guessing I can't help people through debt telepathically, so I will be doing some mega job applying.

I am watching Extreme Couponing, boy I wish I could do that. I may binge watch Shop Well For Less on Iplayer as my OH thinks I'm weird that I watch it over and over and over again.

We are in debt by £98.75 to our energy company (though I have paid £18.75 of it today) and I will be doing some research and revision into the best deal. We are in the final month of our first year with them, so prices will be going up soon, but they have said something I need to investigate further about keeping the prices fixed for the next year if we sign up, MSE Energy club have told me about a better deal as they seem to have insider knowledge about what my new bills will be, and then there is of course Top Cash Back deals, so it will all have to be looked into.

I am sensing a new spreadsheet will need to be created.

I received £40 as a bonus birthday gift from my OH, with the instructions that it can only be spent on Non Essential Purchases, so I can spend that money without breaking my No Spend Year in theory.

So far I have spent £1.38 of it.

That was £1 on hair bands, as I had no hair bands and my hair is far too long now and 38p on a pair of jeans and a shirt (both essential purchases) from N3w l00k as I had a 20% off voucher for my birthday and £30 in sh0p and sc@n vouchers.

I have bought my OH a marmite easter egg through Am@zon using a £10 voucher I had earned through a research study at work and got free p&p through signing up for a free trial to prime (which will be cancelled in due course) so I paid 89p for that. I know that is a ridiculous price for an egg but I should explain, my OH has a weird quirk in that his favourite breakfast is marmite on toast cut into soldiers and a hot chocolate because he dips the toast into the hot chocolate, so he loves chocolate and marmite. I say it is a weird quirk but to be fair I haven't tried it.

It is now Gin and Tonic time, woo woo.

Florence_J

After much spreadsheeting it turns out the best deal is to stick with our current energy provider, at least for the moment.