Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

missbiggles1

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That's sort of how it works in France. When you are young, you get addressed as Mademoiselle until you reach a certain (non-specific) age when it changes to Madam.

Apparently, it can be quite deflating when it starts to happen.

I remember the days (yawn...) when shop assistants called you Miss or Madam. That first Madam was always a downer.:(

notanewuser

Jagraf wrote: »

Because your mums name doesnt figure anywhere in your name, showing an imbalance in family connection, which is what you wanted to avoid. You can't help that as it was someone else's decision, but using your maiden name is putting your dads family higher up the pecking order than your mums.

Actually, my first name, which is what the vast majority of people call me, is an anagram of hers.

We actually had little to do with dad's family. And all of my family resemblance genes come from my mum's side. It's quite a happy balance (and it's playing out similarly with DD. although I've just realised that if she does decide to change her surname later in life she'll still have mine as a middle name. )

notanewuser

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That would be fine for most of us but there are other appropriate titles in general use like Dr. or Rev. without getting into the world of the aristocracy.

Obviously. But neither of those titles infer gender.

fierystormcloud

What an interesting array of replies. Thanks folks. :j

All sorts of reasons, and as I said, all of them valid!

I did laugh at the person that said at their school there was a teacher (or head?) who was Miss maiden then mrs married, then miss maiden again, and then she was Mrs 2nd married name! :rotfl:

LOL, this reminds me of some 20-25 odd years ago... one of my teachers, at the school I was at was Miss Jones when I started at 11, and then she got married soon after, and was Mrs Smith.

Then she got divorced after about 2 years, and was Miss Jones again.

THEN when I was (I think) 16, she married Mr Williams, and was then Mrs Jones-Williams.

THEN a couple of years later, she was Miss Jones again when her second marriage broke down.

Then when I was about 26, several of my siblings kids were at the same school, and she married for a third time, and became Mrs Jones-Jackson.

And the last I heard, (about 8-9 years ago,) she was Mrs Phillips. :rotfl:

It must have been such a mare to keep changing all your personal documentation with so many name changes.

As I said, if I got divorced, I would revert back to my maiden name. Each to their own though.

Interesting discussion. Thanks everyone. There will be lots to discuss when I talk to my friends about this.



NB: no real names in my post...

Andypandyboy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Lots of my generation (those who married in the 70s) didn't change their names - I'm amazed that the antiquated habit is still going on nearly half a century later!

I would imagine your birth name came down the male side though?

dirty_magic

Once you change your name I think it becomes yours. If you've been married for years and got used to using that name I don't see the point in changing it again.

I also think it's weird when people change their name by deed poll when they're not married.

Lily-Rose_3

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Lots of my generation (those who married in the 70s) didn't change their names - I'm amazed that the antiquated habit is still going on nearly half a century later!

Hi Miss B.

I am roughly your generation (I was born in the early 60s,) I married in the 80s, and don't know one single woman who was in my generation who kept her maiden name when she got married. I especially definitely don't know any woman married in the 70s, who kept her maiden name. It was definitely not the 'done' thing.

How strange that you know many who did keep their maiden name. As I say, I don't know anyone at all; especially not from people married in the 70s and 80s. I would have thought that maybe a woman who was say in her 30s and was a professional (like a solicitor or suchlike) may have wanted to keep her name, but that would have been rare in those days.

Not sure why you know many, and I know none...Maybe it depends on where you live?

Me personally; I have been married around a quarter of a century, and everyone knows me by my married name, and my daughter has the name (of course,) so I think I would probably just keep it now. If I had got married and divorced quite quickly and not had kids, then I would not have kept it.

pigpen

I got married to get rid of my dads name.. I don't like him.. it hasn't been the name I've had to use since I was 19.. So I begrudgingly use the name of my abusive ex.. because that has been my name for more than half my life.. I don't want to use either but have to have a surname apparently.. I can't even just substitute my middle name as a surname because I don't have one!

So what do I do? My partner won't marry me so I can't borrow his that leaves me with no name I can use without shame.

My mother divorced in 1977 and used her married name until she remarried.. my stepdad didn't want his child to have my dads name on the birth certificate even if it was my mothers used name.

Pollycat

fierystormcloud wrote: »

This isn't having a go at women who do keep their married name years after the divorce by the way. It's just that me and several friends were discussing it last night. And wondering why they do it.

EG, Bianca Jagger (who married Mick Jagger,) was divorced from him almost 40 years ago, and they were only married 8 years, yet she still has the name.

Leo DiCaprio's mother got married to Leo's dad in the late 1960s and they divorced ten years later, yet 40 years on, she still has the name.

And didn't Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandes/Versini keep Ashley Cole's name for about 4 years after the divorce. They had no kids. She changed it when she married her current beau, but if she had not remarried, the chances are that she would still be Cheryl Cole.

There are many other examples of famous women like this.

A woman I work with got married in 1980 and divorced in 1986, and still has the her ex husband's name. (They had 2 kids.) Another woman I know married her husband in 1991 and they divorced 3 years later; no kids. Yet 20 years later she still has his name.

I can understand a woman keeping the ex's name if your kids have that name, as some women won't want their kids to have a different name to them when they're young, but if you never had kids together, then why? Also, why would you not revert back to your maiden name when the kids are grown? (If the kids having different names when they're young is an issue...)

Not having a go. Just curious. Why do women keep the ex's name for many many years after the divorce?

I kept my married name when I split up with my ex.
Why wouldn't I?
It was my name.
We didn't have kids.
I didn't have any great urge to jettison my married name.
Not sure why you think it's strange.

tea_lover

Pigpen, you can call yourself whatever you want (so long as you're not doing it for reasons of fraud). As a free Christmas present to yourself why not just choose a name you like?