Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

notanewuser

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

But do you actually mention that you throw their cards in the bin? Somehow, I think that would work and they'd soon stop sending them!

Have definitely said something to that effect to the vast majority - along the lines of no mantlepiece, no decorations other than the tree, go away every other year so nothing gets put up etc. Still they come.

moomoomama27

avogadro wrote: »

Going by previous posts, the person concerned hates Christmas and won't let her small daughter see Santa Claus because he's just a fat man in a suit. Whether any of this actually occurs in real life or the posts are merely designed to provoke discussion is unclear.

I've always thought this when it comes to this persons posts. Almost everything posted is OTT and written to provoke.

If this life and behaviour is authentic, not only do I pity the other people in this family, but the person herself. What an inevitable way to end up! Lonely and bitter!

Moving on to the original theme of the post. I think it's a personal decision as to whose name to take, what to do in the event of a divorce etc. it shouldn't be anyone else's business what a person chooses to call themselves.

Personally if I were to divorce my husband, or vice-versa, I would still keep his name.
1. It has been my name longer than my maiden name, which I dislike with a passion.
2. It is the surname of all my children, and to me, having the same surname ISO portant to *me*.

Peter333

notanewuser wrote: »

Oh !!!!!!. 4 Xmas cards arrived this morning (I hate Xmas cards), all from people who know about our names and all made out to Mr + Mrs Hisname. Recycling was too good for them; I've burned them.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

That's disgusting behaviour :mad:

Someone has taken the time to think of you, write you a card, and post it to you and because the way they have addressed you doesn't suit, you burn it

Fair enough, you didn't take your husbands name. A lot of women don't nowadays. But most would still have the good grace to overlook it and then just accept the card with the good grace in which it was given and put it on the mantelpiece (or wherever you put your cards) with the rest of the Christmas cards.

pigpen wrote: »

that seems a hysterical brattish over reaction from nanu.. maybe you should tell those who sent them you are simply ungrateful and do not wish them to send cards to you any more.. what a sad waste of someones time, effort and money. I truly pity your friends and relatives.

Cards here come addressed to OH or to me and if they are (rarely) addressed to both they just have first names on, we usually get 2 of these.

Why does what is written on the envelope matter? it is what is inside and the sentiments it is sent with that are important.

I hate cards too and never send any other than to online friends... I feel sorry for the trees

The jury is out with me when it comes to what NANU does.

On the one hand I agree that it does seem very rude and rather bad etiquette to rip up people's cards, but on the other hand, if NANU has told people repeatedly for 10 years to not send Christmas cards because she doesn't 'do' Christmas cards, and people still send them; then I can't blame her for ripping them up.

Also, if her and her OH are not married, and he is Mr Y Anyone, and she is Miss X Someone (or Ms X Someone,) then they should be addressed as Mr Y Anyone and Miss X Someone. Not Mr and Mrs Anyone. It's incredibly rude to keep addressing someone by the wrong name. Especially if they have informed you of their correct name.

My wife had an old school friend/acquaintance many years ago, who she went to school with in the 1970s. My wife's name is Cheryl, and her maiden name was Peterson. This 'friend' forever spelt her name Sheryl, and continued to address her as Peterson, for many years after she married me and her name became Jarrett. Even 20 years after, my wife got birthday cards addressed to Sheryl Peterson, even though she was Cheryl Jarrett.

Eventually, we sent her a Christmas card with her name spelt totally wrong. (Like she was Tracey Latimer, and we put 'Trayci Lattymerr.') Weirdly, she never contacted us after that! :rotfl:

It was so disrespectful though. I mean, my wife told her time and again that she was spelling her Christian name wrong, and that her surname was Jarrett, and had been for many years, but she ignored her and wrote what she wanted!

In addition, once our kids started to come along, she carried on sending Christmas cards to just us two, and never put the kids names on! I think we had had the first 2 for 5-7 years before she actually started acknowledging them.

So even though what NANU does seems a tad rude, petulant, and whatever else people are saying; I can understand it. If people are going to disrespect her so readily, and completely ignore her request to please not send Christmas cards and to please have the courtesy to address her the correct way, then why should she give THEM any respect or courtesy?!

missbiggles1

notanewuser wrote: »

I want everyone to call me by my first name, personably. Only people I address as Mr/Ms Whatever are the teaching staff at DD's school, and I think that's horribly outdated. (Although the head teacher is happier with me using his first name in informal situations.)

But not everybody I know is personable.;)

pigpen

notanewuser wrote: »

I disagree. Why should I accept people refusing to acknowledge a choice that they've been aware of for more than a decade? Were DH and I not married no doubt cards would come, as with you, addressed to one of us, or to both with our individual names. I don't find it acceptable to be addressed as Mrs Hisname by anyone. If they aren't sure, they should just send it to him!

Because envelopes are big enough to write several different names on such as ' Mr NotPiggers and Ms Piggers' and writing mr and mrs is not incorrect you are mr and mrs whether you like it or not it is just you being pedantic.. if you didn't want that you shouldn't be married.. it's easier quicker and fits better on the envelope.. but destroying them is just peevish.

I have huge issues with my lack of surname which I'm sure everyone on this site knows.. but I wouldn't be petty enough to destroy something because someone used one over another or the incorrect 'title'.. I object more about 'Mrs' because I'm not married.

Different strokes, eh?

Peter333

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Who knew Christmas cards could be such a bone of contention?!
Goodwill to all men and get knotted!

I'm just glad to still get a proper handwritten card from someone. I don't care what name of mine they use. If it wasn't for these cards, I would have forgotten the handwriting of those closest to me. I would just never see it. My niece sent me something recently and I didn't even recognize her handwriting because we only ever use email and texts.

It's a huge joy for me at Christmas to go down to my mailbox and see that familiar handwriting on an envelope from my very elderly mum, 3000 miles away. And the rest of my family and close friends - I love seeing those envelopes!

And a sweet sadness when I unpack the wooden decorations my father made for me and in which also I keep the last Christmas card he gave me. How many times have I read that handwritten message?

You can keep your Christmas e-cards, texts and emails!

I agree about the cards QS, and I love getting 'traditional' Christmas cards. You can't beat them!

But that is you - and me, and I still think it's a bit rude for people to continually disrespect someone's request to not send Christmas cards. And to continually address someone by the wrong name when they have told you continually, what their name is is very rude and terribly bad etiquette. It shows a lack of respect IMO.

If someone continually called/addressed me by the wrong name, I would start ignoring them. Show me no respect; you will get none back.

Torry_Quine

I wouldn't keep sending cards to someone who hadn't reciprocated for even a couple of years, other than an elderly person who may not get many. However I do think that it was an overreaction to burn the cards that had been sent.

Peter333

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I wouldn't keep sending cards to someone who hadn't reciprocated for even a couple of years, other than an elderly person who may not get many. However I do think that it was an overreaction to burn the cards that had been sent.

This ^^^

I would not keep sending cards to someone who never ever sent one back. I would give it maybe two times, and that is it.

And I don't think I would burn the cards, but then I am not someone who specifically requests 'NO CARDS PLEASE' like NANU. Maybe she has just had it up to the eyeballs with people disrespecting her by taking no notice of her request. I know NANU is not a Christmas person, and I don't know why, but whatever the reason, people should respect it. If she says 'don't send me a Christmas card,' why do people send one?!

pickledonionspaceraider

I see where Nanu is coming from

Christmas, not everyone wants to celebrate it - yet the celebrants do seem to want to drag the non celebrants or feel sympathetic that we aren't joining in

'what are you doing for christmas this year?'
'nothing, we don't celebrate it'
*Heaps of sympathy*

You can tell people till your are blue in the face ,but the cards come. I do have the insight to see why, it is people wishing us well and whilst we do appreciate that, I wont display these in my home

I don't make a fuss, but if, like Nanu, I choose not to display them, then where else am I to put them other than to quietly syphon them off into the recycling box

Jagraf

Can't you just put unwanted goodwill christmas cards on your pin board/fridge like postcards ?

I find postcards a bit odd but I don't need to burn them in defiance ��