Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

winspiration

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's as odd (and wrong) as addressing a letter "Dear Mary Smith.."

When I trained in the civil service (1980s) we were taught to address letters in that way - firstly because it isn't always clear which is the first name and which is the family / surname, secondly because you can't always tell what sex someone is just from their name either.

My surname is also commonly in use as a male first name and I regularly get letters / emails addressed to me with my name the wrong way around, and assuming that I'm male.

Oh and I'm one of those ex wives who kept (or trade under, as my Dad used to say ) my married surname, divorced 25 years ago after 5 years married with no children. I just preferred it to my maiden name, which always had to be spelled out and usually got wrong. My ex is on his third wife now, I've no idea whether me keeping the name still irritates her, or whether she even knows I exist :rotfl:

TBagpuss

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think it's a bit of a shame when children don't call their relatives Grandma/Aunty Mabel or whatever - you don't have many relatives so it seems a pity not to acknowledge the relationship.

However, I do agree with the rest of it - start with the formal and then move to informality when (or if) invited.

I think there are many ways to acknowledge the relationship without using it as part of the name evey time, and that using someone's name is arguable a way of acknowleding them as a person in their own right, not merely as what they are in connection with you (after all, the fact thaeye they are your aunt or whatever is not their defining characteristic!)

We've managed for 5 generations without any issues or people feeling unacknowledged!

I've alsways thought it is very interesting that this only goes one way - you say "Auntie Mable" etc. but you wouldn't say "Neice Jane" or "Nephew John"

in my experience where relatives are known by names rather than titiles it is common to expalinwho they are if you're introducing them, but that does go both ways (e.g. "I'd like you to meet my Aunt, Mable Smith" or "May I introduce my Nephew, John Brown?"

Goldiegirl

TBagpuss wrote: »

I've alsways thought it is very interesting that this only goes one way - you say "Auntie Mable" etc. but you wouldn't say "Neice Jane" or "Nephew John"

Although I sometimes refer to my cousins as Cousin Michael or Cousin John, really just to distinguish them from any other Michaels or Johns that I might know. Although if I'm talking to them I'd just call them Michael or John.




My friends have a son, who is now in his early 30's. When he was about 18, he decided he was too old to call his parents mum and dad, so now he calls them by their first names. That always strikes me as a little odd, as, however old your are, your mum and dad are still your mum and dad

System

My youngest Grandson knows me as 'Nanny Judi'. I think its really weird as i only had one Grandma and wouldnt have dreamt of calling her by her name (even if i had tagged Nanny on the beginning of it).

However as he has both living Grandmothers, what else can he call me?

I shouldnt complain really as up till recently he only knew me as 'Nanny with the dogs'.:o

I was bought up to call people older than myself by their title and name until they told me otherwise.

I only had one 'Auntie' who wasnt a blood relative, she's recently departed sadly. I was closer to her and loved her so much. She deserved the title more than my other blood relatives who are/were Aunts and Uncles.

Goldiegirl

Judi wrote: »

My youngest Grandson knows me as 'Nanny Judi'. I think its really weird as i only had one Grandma and wouldnt have dreamt of calling her by her name (even if i had tagged Nanny on the beginning of it).

I only had the one grandmother, so she was always just 'Nanna'. It wasn't until I was about 5 that I realised that she had a given name!


My cousins who had two grandmothers used to differentiate them by surnames - e.g. Nanna Smith and Nanna Jones

System

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I only had the one grandmother, so she was always just 'Nanna'. It wasn't until I was about 5 that I realised that she had a given name!

I didnt know my Grandmas real name either till i asked when i was in my late teens.

My cousins who had two grandmothers used to differentiate them by surnames - e.g. Nanna Smith and Nanna Jones

Probably the best idea, he calls me 'Nanny Doodie' I dont think he could get his head or his tongue around the family surname just yet.

Pollycat

I call my Aunts & Uncles - who are in their 70s & 80s - 'Auntie' & 'Uncle' but I think when my niece & nephew get a bit older (now12 & 16) I'd be happy for them to call me by my given name. I'd check with their Mum first though.

missbiggles1

TBagpuss wrote: »

I think there are many ways to acknowledge the relationship without using it as part of the name evey time, and that using someone's name is arguable a way of acknowleding them as a person in their own right, not merely as what they are in connection with you (after all, the fact thaeye they are your aunt or whatever is not their defining characteristic!)

We've managed for 5 generations without any issues or people feeling unacknowledged!

I've alsways thought it is very interesting that this only goes one way - you say "Auntie Mable" etc. but you wouldn't say "Neice Jane" or "Nephew John"

in my experience where relatives are known by names rather than titiles it is common to expalinwho they are if you're introducing them, but that does go both ways (e.g. "I'd like you to meet my Aunt, Mable Smith" or "May I introduce my Nephew, John Brown?"

It probably is the defining characteristic of your relationship with them:D

It only goes one way because the assumption is that the nieces and nephews are children and the aunt/uncle is an adult - one would certainly hope that's the case with grandparents.;)

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

I call my Aunts & Uncles - who are in their 70s & 80s - 'Auntie' & 'Uncle' but I think when my niece & nephew get a bit older (now12 & 16) I'd be happy for them to call me by my given name. I'd check with their Mum first though.

I think lots of people change that when the children grow up but good for you for checking first - many people don't.:(

missbiggles1

Judi wrote: »

My youngest Grandson knows me as 'Nanny Judi'. I think its really weird as i only had one Grandma and wouldnt have dreamt of calling her by her name (even if i had tagged Nanny on the beginning of it).

However as he has both living Grandmothers, what else can he call me?

I shouldnt complain really as up till recently he only knew me as 'Nanny with the dogs'.:o

I was bought up to call people older than myself by their title and name until they told me otherwise.

I only had one 'Auntie' who wasnt a blood relative, she's recently departed sadly. I was closer to her and loved her so much. She deserved the title more than my other blood relatives who are/were Aunts and Uncles.

I've refused to be called Nanny or Nanna - if I have to be a (sort of) grandmother I'll be Granny or Grandma.