Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

coolcait

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Using my example of introducing yourself ("Hello, I'm Mary Smith"), if the person you've introduced yourself to wants to address you directly, unless they give you a title "Well, Ms Smith.." they can only use your first name because, obviously they can't say "Well Mary Smith..." (unless you're Dr Who, of course.;)

This might be another area where experiences differ.


If I say "Hello, I'm Mary smith", I fully expect to be addressed as 'Mary' thereafter. I wouldn't expect the other person to muddle around trying to find a title to attach to 'Smith'.


In the workplace environment, and socially, that's how it has been for years in my experience.


In the very unlikely event that I felt that I was in an environment where titles were required, I would introduce myself with my full title "Commander of the Universe Dr Mary Smith", adding "But please call me 'Mary'"


;-)

Pollycat

Jagraf wrote: »

I worry more about the type of baked beans I buy than what anyone calls me. I'm happy with first name, surname, any title at all - miss, Mrs, Ms. I don't relate it to anything and I don't care if they get my name wrong. I'm happy to have the same name as the ex, his wife., my daughter. And of course many of the population who I have never been related to. If people want to judge me based on my perceived marital status that's their problem, they will also judge me on my shoes.

I wouldn't waste the energy as a woman trying to convince society otherwise, there are much bigger things to worry about.

Yay! :T
I'm with this guy.
Or gal.
Does it really matter that much?

missbiggles1

coolcait wrote: »

This might be another area where experiences differ.


If I say "Hello, I'm Mary smith", I fully expect to be addressed as 'Mary' thereafter. I wouldn't expect the other person to muddle around trying to find a title to attach to 'Smith'.


In the workplace environment, and socially, that's how it has been for years in my experience.


In the very unlikely event that I felt that I was in an environment where titles were required, I would introduce myself with my full title "Commander of the Universe Dr Mary Smith", adding "But please call me 'Mary'"


;-)

I know you often have to accept bad manners within a work environment and, obviously, I have to accept it. (Not being old fashioned, I always invited my college students to use my first name (even in the days before this was commonplace) but the relevant word is "invite".) However, that doesn't make it appropriate and I wouldn't be so rude to anybody else, unless I was making a point.;)

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Using my example of introducing yourself ("Hello, I'm Mary Smith"), if the person you've introduced yourself to wants to address you directly, unless they give you a title "Well, Ms Smith.." they can only use your first name because, obviously they can't say "Well Mary Smith..." (unless you're Dr Who, of course.;)

Ah ok in this situation I would introduce myself with fore and surname, and thus by doing so provided permission for my fore name to be used. I would presume another introducing in a similar manor would have the same rule. If I can't use the fore name once given, I would question why I have that knowledge and not just title and surname.

My 90 year old neighbour rarely permits usage of fore name and introduces herself as Mrs xxx and then follows, where fit, you may call me fore name. She is greatly angered by anyone who has access to her full name (without her providing it) and presumes first name is appropriate (so a doctors reception for example) and informs she is to be addressed as Mrs xxx. I think it is hierarchical, a receptionist should address Mrs where as a doctor can use fore name, even if a locum. We are permitted as neighbours. My grandmother was the same.

I suspect it is / was common in that generation where title defined the woman, a young woman would be a Miss, a spinster would be a Ms and divorce unheard of.

ravilious_fan

I find it quite nostalgic (in a good way!) when people refer to others they know by their surnames. It used to be far more commonplace in the workplace and also among acquaintances to know someone as Mr___ or Mrs_____ (or Miss_______ ) It's more formal and more polite, in my opinion.

Nowadays even doctors are starting to introduce themselves just by their first name and it feels weird!

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I know you often have to accept bad manners within a work environment and, obviously, I have to accept it. (Not being old fashioned, I always invited my college students to use my first name (even in the days before this was commonplace) but the relevant word is "invite". However, that doesn't make it appropriate and I wouldn't be so rude to anybody else, unless I was making a point.;)

Perhaps a way to overcome the confusion is to only provide the information you are happy for someone to use. If like my neighbour most situations you prefer title and surname then perhaps don't provide access to your forename. Then as you become accepting of fore name being used provide that name as an addition and offer permission to use it at the same time.

theoretica

missbiggles1 wrote: »

because, obviously they can't say "Well Mary Smith..." (unless you're Dr Who, of course.;)

What is obvious about that? Seems perfectly possible to me.

pigpen

Jagraf wrote: »

I worry more about the type of baked beans I buy than what anyone calls me. I'm happy with first name, surname, any title at all - miss, Mrs, Ms. I don't relate it to anything and I don't care if they get my name wrong. I'm happy to have the same name as the ex, his wife., my daughter. And of course many of the population who I have never been related to. If people want to judge me based on my perceived marital status that's their problem, they will also judge me on my shoes.

I wouldn't waste the energy as a woman trying to convince society otherwise, there are much bigger things to worry about.

My nanna has a phrase... 'call me what you like just don't call me too late for my dinner' .. sums it up perfectly.

missbiggles1

theoretica wrote: »

What is obvious about that? Seems perfectly possible to me.

It's as odd (and wrong) as addressing a letter "Dear Mary Smith.."

GingerBob_3

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's as odd (and wrong) as addressing a letter "Dear Mary Smith.."

I agree. That is wrong, but have you noticed how many organisations write to you like that now? Also, most of them don't know the difference between Yours faithfully and Yours sincerely. In fact, most organisations, especially government departments, don't know the first thing about correct letter writing.