Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

missbiggles1

patanne wrote: »

The forms need to know what sex we are so that they can narrow down the companies that they sell our data on to. I would be more than happy to receive mail addressed to my 2 forename initials followed by my surname with no 'title' included at all.. After all a title really is only Sir, Lady, Dr etc etc mister master missus and miss (and my own ms) are not really titles in the strict sense and as such are pretty much irrelevant.

But, unless you're happy for complete strangers to address you by your first name (which I'm certainly not), you need a title to put in front of your surname.

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But, unless you're happy for complete strangers to address you by your first name (which I'm certainly not), you need a title to put in front of your surname.

I wonder if that is something that is not universal and is influenced by other factors. I am quite happy to be addressed by first then surname by strangers as previous that is how I introduce myself in a professional capacity, I would be alien not to and or to use title prior to full name. I am listed on my governing body as such - no title. My neighbour however is outraged if anyone she has not permitted addresses her in that way, she hAs to permit the use of first name. She is 90 and widowed and most certainly a Mrs xxx

Andypandyboy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

How's that relevant to whether something's illegal?

It is relevant in that if it is happening, which I believe it is, there is absolutely no way of proving it. So the fact that it is illegal means very little.

missbiggles1

lush_walrus wrote: »

I wonder if that is something that is not universal and is influenced by other factors. I am quite happy to be addressed by first then surname by strangers as previous that is how I introduce myself in a professional capacity, I would be alien not to and or to use title prior to full name. I am listed on my governing body as such - no title. My neighbour however is outraged if anyone she has not permitted addresses her in that way, she hAs to permit the use of first name. She is 90 and widowed and most certainly a Mrs xxx

There's a difference between intoducing yourself with your first and second name without title, which I'm sure most people would do anyway, and somebody then using your first name. If I say, "Hello, I'm Mary Smith" - I don't expect the person to then address me as Mary. I'm certainly not suggesting that anybody introduces themselves as Ms Mary Smith - that would be very odd.

ETA
Although I can see how you might have though that was what I meant.

missbiggles1

Andypandyboy wrote: »

It is relevant in that if it is happening, which I believe it is, there is absolutely no way of proving it. So the fact that it is illegal means very little.

In that case we might as well give up on all equality legislation because most of that is difficult to prove as well.

Andypandyboy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

In that case we might as well give up on all equality legislation because most of that is difficult to prove as well.

It is more a question of being a realist. I have a niece who has had three children in 4 years, with the maximum allowable Mat leave for each. Shortly after returning to work after her last baby she was made redundant, she believed that her Mat leave was a factor but there was no way she could prove it.

theoretica

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But, unless you're happy for complete strangers to address you by your first name (which I'm certainly not), you need a title to put in front of your surname.

Why do you need a title? You are probably in the habit of one, true, but that is different from needing it. I more often hear men addressed or referred to by surname alone than women, but that takes us right back to who does the surname belong to.

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

All of us are influenced and affected by the norms of the society and the family we grow up in, and we all come under different influences as we get older.

Acknowledging the influences on our decisions isn't the same as saying that we aren't capable of making our own choices. It's about understanding all the factors that come to bear on those choices so we are in a better position to make the one that's really right for us.

I think that a lot of the women who have replied to this thread - and a lot of the women I know in real life - are perfectly aware of all the factors that come to bear on the choices they make.


And they have made the choice that's right for them. As it should be.


It might not be the same choice that you would make, or the same choice that I would make. You and I might also make different choices.


The important point is that everyone has made the choice which is right for them.

patanne

As everybody now seems to think they have the right to address me by my first name, perhaps it is time for parents to change the way they use their children's names. If they gave the child a second name which they use for friends and family and a first name for 'public' use then some of the problem would be solved - until the next time! I am already in this fortunate position and with my somewhat dodgy hearing I can tell immediately if the person ringing me is a friend or not simply because of the name they use.

To get back to the original issue. My choice of surname is still just that - my choice. My son still lives with me and still has his father's (and my) surname. It has been my surname more than half my life now - this lady is not for turning! Don't like the woman but love the quote.

lush_walrus

missbiggles1 wrote: »

There's a difference between intoducing yourself with your first and second name without title, which I'm sure most people would do anyway, and somebody then using your first name. If I say, "Hello, I'm Mary Smith" - I don't expect the person to then address me as Mary. I'm certainly not suggesting that anybody introduces themselves as Ms Mary Smith - that would be very odd.

ETA
Although I can see how you might have though that was what I meant.

To be honest I can't think of a circumstance where I would find it inacceptable for my title not to be used. What would be an example?