Women who keep their married name YEARS after the divorce.

notanewuser

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

If I got divorced now I'd keep my married now. For one thing I have one of the old fashioned paper driving license and I want to hang onto this for as long as possible. Also, I couldn't be bothered with the hassle of changing passports, bank accounts, credit cards, the house etc into another name.

But the big thing is that I want the same surname as my three children (who are all boys, so won't be changing their names).

So much wrong with this post.

There's no reason at all to assume boys won't be changing their names. And if changing names is such a hassle, why did you do it in the first place?!

fierystormcloud

Some interesting and valid points here. Thank you. It's good to hear people different POV.

I would imagine though, that if a marriage had been very bad and the woman had suffered badly during it, that she would get rid of the married name as soon as she could. I know I would.

I have been married over 15 years, but have no kids. If me and DH got divorced, I would not keep my married name. To be fair, my maiden name is great, and my married name is boring. :rotfl: I sometimes wish I had kept the maiden name now, but I think DH would have been offended LOL.

One woman I know has 2 daughters, and she was married 10 years (her daughters were 5 and 8 when she and her DH divorced; ) and as soon as her youngest daughter got to 16, she reverted back to her maiden name. She didn't have the worst marriage, but her DH cheated with his brother's girlfriend! And they got married in the end. So her brother's girlfriend had the same surname as her. So she really wanted to change it back to her maiden name. Several years on, the 2 daughters were married, so the married name was admonished! :rotfl:

notanewuser

I've been married 11+ years and still just use my name. It didn't change when I married or had our daughter. She has both of our names in hers.

balletshoes

notanewuser wrote: »

So much wrong with this post.

There's no reason at all to assume boys won't be changing their names. And if changing names is such a hassle, why did you do it in the first place?!

I think its wrong to say DA's post is wrong . If your married name doesn't offend you, or your prefer it or even if you're just used to it, compared to your maiden name, then why bother changing it on divorce?
My daughter has her Dads (my husbands) surname now, but she didn't until she was 2. She may marry and decide to change her surname to her husband's, but even if I divorced, I don't think I would change my name back to my maiden name, my first name and married surname has been my name for the last 12 years, and I like it.

notanewuser

It's the assumption that males keep their names and women change theirs. One would hope future generations wouod be a little less mysogenistic than those previous to them.

fierystormcloud

Thanks for the great posts peeps.

Gotta fly for a bit now.

Back later.

POPPYOSCAR

notanewuser wrote: »

It's the assumption that males keep their names and women change theirs. One would hope future generations wouod be a little less mysogenistic than those previous to them.

Yes I agree.


I am married and still use my maiden name even though I do not like it.


To me it is the name I was born with and see no reason to change it just because I am married.


My ex SIL went back to her maiden name on divorce even though they have children.

Person_one

The OP's post makes the classic assumption that men own their surname, while women only ever borrow theirs from men.

I'm not a huge fan of the tradition for women changing their name on marriage, but if they do, then that name belongs to them just as much as it does to their husband and children , and just as much as their birth name does. If a woman wants to keep her newer name it's entirely up to her, she doesn't really need to have a reason, just as she doesn't need to have s reason to keep her birth name if she marries.

tea_lover

Person_one wrote: »

The OP's post makes the classic assumption that men own their surname, while women only ever borrow theirs from men.

I'm not a huge fan of the tradition for women changing their name on marriage, but if they do, then that name belongs to them just as much as it does to their husband and children , and just as much as their birth name does. If a woman wants to keep her newer name it's entirely up to her, she doesn't really need to have a reason, just as she doesn't need to have s reason to keep her birth name if she marries.

Exactly. I don't see either of the names I've used as belonging to men (and only borrowed by me). They're both MY name. I might change my name to something else one day, and that will be just as much my name too.

It's only a name, it doesn't define who I am as a person.

missbiggles1

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Some very good points here.

It does strike me as odd however, that a woman keeps her married name when she was only married say 5 years, and they had no kids. And they were divorced 20 years ago.

As pbradley said, maybe they don't know how to change it, or just don't think to.

I don't understand it either, particularly when the divorce has been acrimoneous and/or there's been abuse involved! I'd think someone would want to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the man involved.

Mind you, I've been married twice and still go by the name I was born with so the whole name changing thing seems odd to me.