Separating, how to cope of the pain of not seeing my daughter as much.

duchy

Deleted_User wrote: »

I appreciate all the comments, I would love the joint custody thing where she could stay with me when I am home then back with her mother when I return. That would be amazing, something I will have to talk about with my wife and to be fair she has said she will never ever stop me seeing her.
I guess for that to work I will need to stay where I am then close to her school, it's my wife's town with her family and friends and most of mine are a hour away. But if I want that time with my girl then this is something I need to think about to make it all practical and able to work.

Your daughter is your closest family -surely staying close to her is more important than whether or not you live near your ex MIL ? Does that even matter ?

Presumably you would want to see your daughter more often than other family so why make that harder by moving further away from her ? If you have any hope of her staying with you most (or even part ) of the time you are home then you'd need to be living close to her school rather than an hour away surely ? Otherwise youd be making only non school days possible (an hour each way to and from school for a young child is tiring and her Mum is more likely to refuse on that basis) .

VfM4meplse

Deleted_User wrote: »

My little girl is already at school now full time. With regards to joint custody that won't be an option as I work away go weeks at a time and then return home due to my work.

Just hate the idea of it all tbh. It's killing me to think I am gong to have to make do with 1 day here maybe a couple of nights here etc etc.

I would never of brought a child into this world if I could of foreseen this...

Then your best bet is to treat your wife well and ensure you are always there for her. Because it's now her grace you're reliant on.

[Deleted User]

duchy wrote: »

Your daughter is your closest family -surely staying close to her is more important than whether or not you live near your ex MIL ? Does that even matter ?

Presumably you would want to see your daughter more often than other family so why make that harder by moving further away from her ? If you have any hope of her staying with you most (or even part ) of the time you are home then you'd need to be living close to her school rather than an hour away surely ? Otherwise youd be making only non school days possible (an hour each way to and from school for a young child is tiring and her Mum is more likely to refuse on that basis) .

I totally agree my daughter is my world, it makes total sense to me staying as close as possible. Need to understand how it will all work but yes my little girl comes first for me.

Jagraf

Hi from what I remember in your ither thread there is the option if you living locally, but you think this may be uncomfortable? I'm sure that would be manageable in time for the sake of seeing your daughter? Also is it a possibility at all that you could transfer your skills and work closer to home / commute etc? Does your wife work because her schedule will also need to be considered and she may appreciate you being local as you can split childcare.

mel48rose

Hi in your post you say it's your wife that wants to separate. Does that mean that you don't? Have you thought of mediation or marriage guidance? May be worth a go if you are both willing to try and sort things out. Good luck with things I really feel for you.

Batman_100

Have you thought about the possibility of your daughter living with you most of the time and seeing her mother less frequently such as at weekends and school holidays? If it's your wife that wants to end the marriage then surely she should have to face the consequence of seeing her daughter less often.

You need to have a serious discussion with your wife about this and don't rule anything out. It's not fair that you're the one that's been made to suffer if you haven't done anything wrong.

Or does the child have a particularly stronger bond with her mother?

[Deleted User]

To the other poster, no I don't want to separate I want to continue the counselling, my wife doesn't and tbh she is moving ahead with plans to sell our house.
I work away offshore so am home and away for equal time so my daughter would be living with her mum the majority of the time. I would jump at the chance of equal time with us both when I am away or home.
Granted I would be staying in the area purely for my daughter and yes my wife may move on and start seeing other people before me, nothing I can do about that but like I said I want to be there as much as possible for my daughter raising her when I am home.
It's a sorry state of affairs but it does happen.
My wife does have a bigger family than me as her parents divorced and now she has step sisters/brothers who all have kids so my daughter has more cousins on her side of the family. With regards to a stronger bond I don't believe she does but then again I have always worked away for weeks at a time and then home for weeks at a time so I suppose my wife has always been the constant in her side. I don't particularly like working away but it's the job I do and it goes some way to providing the lifestyle we had.

[Deleted User]

Just like to say thanks for all the comments it's given me a lot of hope and making me realise there is a chance of spending more time with my daughter than just 1 or 2 nights a fortnight etc.

mel48rose

Deleted_User wrote: »

Just like to say thanks for all the comments it's given me a lot of hope and making me realise there is a chance of spending more time with my daughter than just 1 or 2 nights a fortnight etc.

Your daughter is lucky to have 2 loving caring parents. You sound like a lovely Dad, some kids are not so lucky x

brenda10

Deleted_User wrote: »

Just like to say thanks for all the comments it's given me a lot of hope and making me realise there is a chance of spending more time with my daughter than just 1 or 2 nights a fortnight etc.

Be careful splish-splash as your soon to be ex could hold you over the coals and punish you if you do not have some agreed contact, these things happen.....people change and money issues cause problems. Good Luck.