Separating, how to cope of the pain of not seeing my daughter as much.

PlymouthMaid

I don't doubt that you will find it hard and very sad but I just wanted to say that my family was in a similar position when we split up although children were a bit older - their Dad has a great relationship with them (they are adults now) so just make sure that you stay a major part of her life. Try to make her feel at home in your house - if she can have her own room that would be brilliant especially as she gets older. One of the things I found hardest was that their Dad worked away but went at short notice and often didn't know when he would return - this made it very hard to make plans and did cause some friction. Good luck.

missbiggles1

Deleted_User wrote: »

I would love joint custody, so when I come home she could stay with me then go back to her mums when I go back to work.
Only thing is I have read so many articles stating kids are unsettled constantly swapping between parents that my head spins with the possibility it could disrupte and confuse her.

Somehow as much as my wife says she will let me see my daughter as much as possible I think she would object to that.

If I did that then I would have to remain in the area I am in now where it's pretty much my wife's town where she grew up and I moved there from my home town and I'm not sure I want that.

Well it seems you have a choice - live somewhere very close to your wife, see your daughter regularly when you're at home and even go for joint custody or move to somewhere that you'd prefer to live and accept you'll see your daughter considerably less.

Mojisola

Make sure that the school knows about the split and that all school information about your daughter gets sent to you as well your ex.

Petra_70

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well it seems you have a choice - live somewhere very close to your wife, see your daughter regularly when you're at home and even go for joint custody or move to somewhere that you'd prefer to live and accept you'll see your daughter considerably less.

This ^^^

Is this an option 'splish splash?' For you to move close to your ex? When my cousin and his wife split up many years ago, she went to live with her mother, and he rented a house 15 doors away. He saw the kids as much as he ever did, because he lived closeby.

So maybe you could move closer? Doesn't have to be 15 doors away, but even maybe 10-20 minutes walk?

pigpen

you don't be a !!!! with your ex and behave nicely and there is no reason you cant have your daughter half the time you are home.. and you are already used to not having her in your life every day surely if you work away for weeks at a time!

duchy

Deleted_User wrote: »

I would love joint custody, so when I come home she could stay with me then go back to her mums when I go back to work.
Only thing is I have read so many articles stating kids are unsettled constantly swapping between parents that my head spins with the possibility it could disrupte and confuse her.

Somehow as much as my wife says she will let me see my daughter as much as possible I think she would object to that.

If I did that then I would have to remain in the area I am in now where it's pretty much my wife's town where she grew up and I moved there from my home town and I'm not sure I want that.

Surely if you move away then you'll see even less of your daughter when you aren't working away than if you stayed local.

Maybe you need to consider the logistics a bit more before moving away

fishybusiness

Only thing is I have read so many articles stating kids are unsettled constantly swapping between parents that my head spins with the possibility it could disrupte and confuse her.

At first, they get used to having mums house and dads house. Different toys, different room layouts etc.

Put things in your new house that are familiar to you daughter, things she uses and enjoys.

She can have two Christmas Days, one with mum, one with you, eventually that will become a plus.

It's much easier if you live close by, maybe not practical, but you can make your life and hers as easy as possible. If you want that contact it's worth pursuing.

As someone else said, the feeling of wanting to see your kids every day never goes away. You can make it work for you, give it time for things to settle down.

Speaking from experience 6 years ago - I still walk my kids to school, pick them up, juggle life to see them, put so many other things to one side to have them around. IMO it's worth it.

[Deleted User]

I appreciate all the comments, I would love the joint custody thing where she could stay with me when I am home then back with her mother when I return. That would be amazing, something I will have to talk about with my wife and to be fair she has said she will never ever stop me seeing her.
I guess for that to work I will need to stay where I am then close to her school, it's my wife's town with her family and friends and most of mine are a hour away. But if I want that time with my girl then this is something I need to think about to make it all practical and able to work.

melanzana

It is great that your wife/ex is not putting up any barriers to you seeing your little girl. That is a great starting point.

You do sound like a loving Dad, and for that to work for YOU, you may have to make some sacrifices in your new life. That will be worth it I think.

Best of luck to you. It is not an easy time going through a separation. So get your priorities right for you and your daughter. And you will.

Getting things sorted now amicably will also help if and when you divorce. X

[Deleted User]

I plan on getting a house so that she can have her own room with furniture and clothes always there and another room as her playroom with toys for her, something similar to what we have now so hopefully it wouldn't be as big a shock and keeps some normality in her life.

My word it would be great if she could live with me whilst I am home or much more than maybe 1 or 2 nights at the weekends. Hopefully when I discuss this with my wife she will understand.
If that's the case I will gladly sacrifice moving closer to my old home town where my family and friends mostly are to be able to raise my little girl.

Thanks for the advice and comments all, making me feel much more positive about the future already, there is no way I could handle having my girl only for 1 night a week or something similar.